Happy New Year and Other Fine Things

It's the last day of 2008. This year started out the slowest in history. Counting it by the weeks, WEEKS I say! That's what happens when you are pregnant, not comfortable and would kill for a decent nights sleep. Halfway through that year, June first, that slow as molasses year started it's lightning speed journey. I feel like it was June 1st yesterday. That day in June is the day I had Sawyer. A totally amazing, tiring, painful, beautiful, slimy, gross, uncomfortable, miraculous day. Life has not and will never be the same. This little guy in my life is absolutely amazing and I only wish that everyone could experience the joys I experience with my new family.

Other things happened in 2008. I finally started to like Denver. It took a while, but Denver is home to me. Home. It feels good and I am happy to be here. It feels good not to live out of a black carry on suit case. I'm also happy that in this cold weather I can go skiing or hang by the fire with my spiked cider. This year I skied for the first time in a long time and have this illusion that I'm going to be really good by the end of the season, because you know, I saw people on TV doing cool stuff and I figure I can too. Like, back flips off of jumps. You watch!

Every day this year I am constantly reminded how amazing my friends are. I have the best friends ever. My friends are probably better than your friends, unless you are my friend reading this right now, in that case, I talk about how amazing you are ALL THE TIME! Most of my family is absolutely psychotic and my friends have always taken over the role most of my family member have failed in. I am sooo thankful for that! Every day I am thankful for them. You choose your friends. They don't have to be nice to me, they don't have to spoil me, they don't have to plan baby showers for me, but they do. I'm also super thankful for the family I married into. Goeff's family is fantastic, thanks for accepting me as Geoff's wifey!

We have had the chance to travel a lot this year. Maybe it's not a lot compared to how much I traveled as a flight attendant, but we got around. I went to California twice while I was pregnant. Once to help take care of my grandma (I miss you!!!) and another to help my aunt with some things and have my baby shower! Sawyer came into this world and got to spend a week in New York celebrating his great grandma's 100th Birthday! We spent a week in Turks and Caicos where Geoff got to meet even more of my friends, yup, some more really awesome friends I talk about all the time. We also got to scuba dive, walk the white beaches and relax at the Conch Shack. A few days ago we got back from California where we ate Sushi with Janice at Nobu, dinner with Kim and her parents surrounded by more friends, and spending Christmas with Aunt Jackie and Uncle Laurent relaxing and sipping Port. Yum Yum!


Other things I did and or learned this year...

I went to my first Hockey Game, go Colorado! I threw an awesome party for my husbands Birthday and plan to make it an annual shindig. I realized it doesn't matter how athletic you are, you can still suck at kickball. I learned that if you are going to make fun of someone, don't do it right before you slip on liquid soap from a broken soap dispenser at TJ Max and can't get back up. I learned not to dress as Amy Winehouse for a party before you lose your pregnancy weight. I learned not to get wasted from 2 glasses of wine (Low tolerance these days!) the night before an 8 hour aerobic workshop.


More than anything though, I'm so thankful I am in the spot in life I am right now. Life isn't perfect, at all, but it's what you make of it. I'm really happy at this point! My husband is the most amazing man on this planet. I stand firm on that statement. Sawyer is super adorable and amazingly sweet. He is going to make a mark on this world! My friends rock but I already told you that. I have my health and so do those closest to me. I couldn't ask for anything more... except maybe a hair cut... I need a hair cut pretty bad right now.

Thank you everyone who has made this year a memorable one! It's almost 2009, lets drink!

Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl

I love books. LOVE THEM! I'm excited that the moms group I am in might start a book club. I need some sort of kick in the butt like that to start reading again. I used to read a few books a week. It got ridiculous. I spent WAY too much money on books. Sometimes I skewed reality with what I was reading. Someone would say something to me which reminded me of a memory I had of so and so and what they did and what happened. It always was some great story, but not my real memory. I had to check myself and really think, is this real or a book you read? I read a lot. Really, a lot. Ever since I had Sawyer the reading has gone down the drain. Not all of it, I mean, I can recite most Dr. Seuss books without looking at a single page, but sometimes you need to read something for yourself. AND, well, sometimes you can't. Sometimes you need a book that you can read to your baby that will entertain the mommy as well. This book takes the cake!

Revolting Rhymes. A Christmas present from Auntie Jackie and Uncle Laurent.

And I quote...

"Next day, the Prince went charging down
to knock on all the doors in town.In every house, the tension grew.
Who was the owner of the shoe?
The shoe was long and very wide.
(A normal foot got lost inside.)
Also it smelled a wee bit icky.
(The owner's feet were hot and sticky.)
Thousands of eager people came
To try it on, but all in vain.
Now came the Ugly Sisters' go.
One tried it on. The Prince screamed, 'No!'
But she screamed, 'Yes! It fits! Whoopee!
'So now you've got to marry me!'
The Prince went white from ear to ear.
He muttered, "Let me out of here.'
'Oh no you don't! You made a vow!
'There's no way you can back out now!'
'Off with her head!' the Prince roared back.
They chopped it off with one big whack.
This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said,
'She's prettier without her head.'...


Any guesses on the name of this fairy tale? Lol! This book is great, a little gory, somewhat gross but the the nice guy always comes out on top and mommy and baby are both entertained.

Search for it, it's totally worth it and a book daddy's will be happy to read to the kiddos!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, has an awesome New Years and starts 2009 WITH their head!

Cutest Baby For-Evah-Evah

To the Lady Who Yelled the 'F' Word.

We were suppose to take the 8:00pm shuttle. We were there first and jumped on the 7:30. Ha ha huh ha HA! (Maybe you should have showed up earlier!)

You have to understand, we are traveling with a baby. EVERY FLIGHT WE WERE ON GOT SCREWED UP and I'm not waiting another damn minute to get home. So, I jumped on your shuttle.

We are sitting in the blue shuttle at the Denver Airport. The driver took our tickets and said to get in. The shuttle was packed. There was not one seat open. At all. I had a little knot in my stomach thinking they might kick us off. Well, because we weren't in the right shuttle. People walked up, looked in at all the occupied seats and left the shuttle annoyed that there was not any openings, but, to the lady who said the F word, you really made us laugh.

You looked into the shuttle. There are ten seats with ten seat belts. Seven adults and three car seats occupied those ten seats but you could not help yourself from looking at each seat yelling, "What about THAT one?! That one, RIGHT THERE?!?!" Uhh, don't you see someone sitting there?? You did that with EVERY seat. Even the ones with the car seat like you were just going to squat right on top and get yourself a ride home. You weren't. You said in a snoody tone like you were going to SHOW us, "Well then, I'll just sit in front!" We all said someone sitting there too, but you had to check for yourself. You opened the door, slammed it, looked back into the van and yelled, FUCKKKKK!!!!!!

You said the 'F' word!!!! You were this older, innocent looking lady and you yelled the 'F' word!

You probably were annoyed. Who isn't annoyed when they travel and everything goes wrong. Since our flights got messed up, Ill assume yours did too.

We were suppose to leave for L.A. on Saturday about 2pm. Our flight got changed to 9:30pm, then delayed several hours. We boarded the plane in Denver after midnight with a crying baby only to watch the news on the TV placed on the headrest in front of us. A plane in Denver just went off the runway and was in flames. IN DENVER. Right NOW! WOW! Needless to say, we were all shocked, pulled our seat belts a little tighter and were happy when we took off and landed safely. We got to bed about 4:30am on Sunday. Not fun.

That left me with hardly any time in L.A. to see family and friends (A whole different story, a whole different blog for a WHOLE different time!) before we had to head down to San Diego to see Sawyer's Auntie and Uncle. They were flying in from New York and were scheduled to arrive at 2:00pm. Their flight got diverted from Chicago to Ohio, back to Chicago then to San Diego. Obviously they didn't arrive home until around 8:30pm.

Yesterday we left San Diego super early to make our flight in L.A. only to find out that that flight was delayed 8 hours. Woo-hoo! Since we were sooo early they placed us on the late morning flight until they found out we didn't have to connect. We gave up our seats so those making connections COULD make them (Cause we are nice sometimes) and settled for a 3:30pm flight and felt lucky that we didn't show up any later and get stuck waiting at the airport until 8pm or so to fly out. Again, I'm traveling with a baby. Not the most fun thing.

So, when I purchase shuttle tickets and they say I'll have to wait ANOTHER HOUR there while I'm starving, tired and don't think I can calm Sawyer another minute, I took a chance and jumped on YOUR shuttle instead.

You had a right to yell the F word. My family stole your seats and feel REALLY good about our decision. Happy Holidays!!!!

To My Single Moms

I don't know how you do it, really I don't. I am soooo thankful for my husband. For being my other half. For helping me. For being Sawyers Daddy. For being damn handsome. I don't know what I would do without him! I'm just having an annoying day and Geoff is coming home way later due our car getting fixed. I thought he was going to be home at 6:30, he calls me saying it will be about 8 pm. Not having him here to help me while Sawyer is being so high maintenance makes me want to collapse on the floor and kick my feet like a four year old throwing a tantrum (Which you better not EVER do Sawyer... EVER! ). Just a few hours without him to help is rough, I can't imagine raising one or two or MORE without someone like my husband. Geoff, you never read my blogs but MAN am I thankful for you EVERYDAY!

Single mommies, you kick butt. How do you raise children, support them and look good at the same time?! All the moms I know that are single are also my friends and I have really hot friends, so the ones I know look GOOD which makes me generalize; you all look freakin' good! Point is, I'm sooo impressed!

Just Another Reason I'm Madly in LOVE

"Babe, give you ten whole American dollars to stick your tongue on the frozen door way!"



No one here turns down a dare...



Both surprised and a little disappointed it didn't stick. This is Denver, I have a feeling there will be another chance.

The Great Reach

I put Sawyer in the bouncer today so I could get a few thing done and I see this from the corner of my eye.  What is he doing?!?!

He eyes the shiny, off-limits 'toy' and goes for the reach.

Getting closer!!! I swear I can hear his thoughts, get it before mom catches me!

Transfixed by it's shininess and sharp edges. Almosssst got it!!!!!!

Like I'll never notice the missing tree.

I think he's in love.  

I move the tree out of his reach.  After he tries a few times to reach it, he realizes that he needs some momentum to get his body out of the seat enough to get to the tree.  My kid is freakin' smart.  Maybe he isn't, but this is a new thing and being the proud mommy, I brag. So, he throws his body back until the bouncer launches him forward.  This is him mid bounce...



After a few bounces, he is where he needs to be, but the tree is not.




Annoyed he can't reach it but he sure as hell tried.  All this work for a fake tree that mommy ultimately takes away. I'm so mean, he is so cute, I love him and we all love Christmas!

I call this post, Don't Piss Off Your Friend's Wife

I used to be really nice. Like, the NICE one. I am still nice. I am, just to the people I want to be nice to. You don't piss me off though and expect me to be silent about it. I guess I learned how to defend myself and the people I love. I'm also pretty quick to say what I think... that gets me in trouble. Oh well.

So, a friend of Geoff's friend broke his leg snow boarding. Yeah, I'm sure he is not having fun at this very moment. Anyway, I guess he rented out a place in the mountains and now can't use it. So, everyone says to contact us and see if we want to take over the rent for the winter. He e-mails Geoff with the information. Let me just say, we may do a swap thing with someone that lives in the mountains, and we may have a two bedroom place to stay on the weekends already. This guy says rent is $900 for a place above someone else's garage. It's a two bedroom that we share with two other couples. Sounds like a rip off to me. We pay almost a grand a month and don't even know if we will have our own room when we go up?! No thanks. Geoff tells him I'm not interested Fine, I'll be the scape goat.

I'm not going to paste the letter on here. I respect your eyes too much. Basically he writes back in HORRIBLE grammar saying that it sucks that I don't like to ride as much as my husband, and sounds like a route to divorce and that he'll go way down in price for us.

Ummm, first of all, if you are trying to get us to help you out?! Maybe you shouldn't piss me off. Don't piss off your friends wife and expect them to help!!! Isn't that a no brianer?! Then, you basically state that because you and your wife got divorced over her not liking to 'ride' as much as you means that the same thing is in our cards. You don't know us! I LOVE to ski, but even if I didn't, I can't fathom that EVER coming between the relationship I have with Geoff. If you have ever hung out with the two of us, you know that we are the couple that makes you vomit in the back of your throat because we are sooo lovey. Third, you want us to pay almost a grand a month to stay above someone's garage and share one bathroom between six people?! You are on something! AND, when we say no to your offer, you say you will go "waaaaaaaay below that in price", so are you NOT paying $900 a month for your share?! I highly doubt you are. Fourth, until you learn how to speak and write in CORRECT ENGLISH, I have no desire to help you.

Enjoy the rental with your broken leg, sucker!

I asked Geoff what he said to this guys e-mail. His reply was simply, I said no. He is sooo much nicer than I am. No one tells me we are on track for divorce and gets away with it. Simple rule, be nice to your friend's wife if you want them to help you out. Don't you guys agree?!?!

After I was talking to a friend about this and telling her that I might write a post about it, she asks, "What if this guy ever reads it?". I realized that I write things to get them off my chest. I write things to entertain myself and hopefully get a laugh or two out of my friends. I also write things in hopes that the person I'm talking crap about DOES read it and thinks, God, I'm an idiot! Yes, yes you are.

My Quest to being the BEST Skier in the Whole Wide World!

I took my second lesson yesterday. It was damn cold. If you live in Denver, or have been around, you will notice that Mother Nature is has been really cranky this weekend and is taking it out on all of us. We went from decently cold temperatures, to temperatures below ZERO! It's like, have a glass of wine and get over it, but don't take it out on all of me! Anyway, I took a lesson in Breck and I think it's safe to say that you will see me on X-Games REAL soon!

I went off a jump. That is right, read it and be jealous. I went off a jump and got like three inches of air.

Be cranky at THAT Denver!

Peace.

Post-Baby Body Image

I have a lot to say about the topic of body image. So much that I'm not sure where to start or where this is going to go, I just know that I am currently filled with the need to discuss what is on my mind. Warning, this post will be ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Some of you that have kids might want to shoot me when reading this. Other might understand. I'm not sure I understand.

I went to the doctors yesterday and was blown away with what the scale said.

Lets rewind. When I found out I was pregnant, I was really excited, I wasn't sure what was in store for me at that moment, but read everything I possibly could regarding pregnancy and the baby that was developing inside of me. I could tell you what was suppose to happen in my next month, what and why things occurred recently. I could recite a hundred different birth stories complete with names. I was able to make a pretty good prediction for what was in store through many books and internet sites. Nothing could of told me what was going to happen after baby. Was I going to be able to breast feed? What type of temperament would my baby have? What is going to happen to my body after this? Will my body ever be the same?!?!

Let me start by saying I was never a small girl. Well, I was in Junior High and the beginning of high school, but after a woman's hormones kicks in, my body didn't stay boney. I was a workout-a-holic. Loved it, still do. Big quads (Thanks gymnastics.), curvy body (Thanks genes.), and a slow metabolism (Thanks but no thanks!). I ran marathons, taught aerobics, eat super healthy and could tell you what type of food elicits certain reactions in your body. I did everything right but was still never small. I wanted to be small. I wanted to feel small. My friends ate like crap, never exercised and were tiny. I lived in L.A. I wanted to be skinny too. I feel a switch has been flipped.

Two weeks after having Sawyer I went for daily walks. Stepped on the scale daily to see where I was and the number fueled my desire to get back on the exercise bandwagon. At five weeks I was back at running, at six weeks I was back to teaching aerobics and back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I was content with that, but my body was different. My stomach was bigger, hips seemed wider. Clothes fit weird. I continued to exercise lightly but my new found cravings were likely to pile on the pounds. I used to hate red mean and now can't get enough hamburgers, I hated beer and can't get enough now, Potatoes? Pile them high please! Where was this coming from?!

Somehow, pounds were dropping. Two months post-pregnancy and I had to buy new jeans because ALL of my pre-pregnancy clothes were falling off. It's been six months. I eat a ton. I don't exercise like I used to. I'm too wimpy to run in this cold weather. Hand me some more french fries. Pounds continue to fall off.

I don't talk numbers usually. I'm not a fan of them. At 5'3 (and I think 3/4 even thought the doctor says 1/4 but whatever!) I weigh... oh this feels so weird... ummm... 115. That might not seem like a big deal to you. Maybe even big but I have not been that small since my freshman year of high school. I find this absolutely insane! They say if you breast feed you burn about 500 calories a day. I think this has helped but is not the main reason. I have always felt my metabolism was extra slow, even to the point of being hypothyroid. Pregnancy changes your body. I once watched some show on Discovery Health about a hypothyroid woman being rid of the disease while pregnant. I don't think that I am hypothyroid, but could pregnancy sped my metabolism? Did Sawyer flip some sort of switch in there? Thanks kid!



Though the clothes are falling off me, and the scale shows some of the lowest numbers I have seen in a long time, I don't see it. I don't feel small. I don't feel skinny. I feel like the biggest girl in the group. I feel super curvy. I feel like my butt looks big in these jeans. I always wondered how anorexics and bulimics could be sooo incredibly skinny and feel huge. I feel that connection. I know I am not fat but my body image is slightly skewed. I don't feel like that girl on the scale yesterday. Maybe being healthy is understanding the difference between my body image and my real body? I feel no matter what weight I am, I will always see myself as the slightly bigger girl with more muscle tone than most of her friends. The one that is NO WAY the size four she fits into, which proves that no matter what you look like, you look and feel best confident. It doesn't matter what I weigh. My brain thinks I am bigger than I am, but my confidence is what will really make me happy... not the number on the inside of my really cute new grey pants.

I don't know what the point of this post is. I have a few friends that want to get pregnant but are nervous. They know it changes lives. They know it brings new challenges but more than anything, they know that it changes a body like nothing else can. In the society we live it, it's sad the the biggest worry is not whether you can pay for your child's college education, but how big that kid in utero will make your butt get. I guess what I'm saying is, you never know. You will grow during pregnancy, no doubt. However, post pregnancy you may have a better figure than ever, but it won't matter. You will feel your body is the same, be too busy to notice and be FAR more worried about the consistency of your baby's poop than the circumference of your thighs.

VOTE!

Elections aren't over yet. Keep the name or change it. There is a poll on the right side of this blog. Vote.

Speed Racer

I am a grandma driver and happy to admit it. I'm slow. I'm cautious. My husband is not. He likes to go fast, skiing, driving, whatever, he likes to go fast. This is why ME getting a speeding ticket is surprising. I got a speeding ticket for going 20 miles per hour over the speed limit dropping a friend off at the airport. I was MERGING officer, not SPEEDING. Okay, so I had to speed up to merge, but my husband says that is the American way. Can't blame me for that, can you?

The ticket says yes.

So, I had to go to court last night. Since the officer said I was going twenty over (Not true, but whatever.), I had to settle it in court. My set time was at 7:30pm. PM! Don't you find that weird? Still I thought, this is good, everyone that works near the capitol will be home, parking will be a breeze. I don't know what I was thinking. I for sure was not remembering that I have the worst luck. The Denver County building gets all decked out for Christmas. A whole light spectacular. This is nice. This is nice at any time except when you have to be in that building when it's dark out and a parking space is required. ALL the spots were blocked off for onlookers and venders selling multi colored beam saber things. Why you need a beam saber thing to check out the Christmas lights is beyond me. I found a spot blocks away, stepped through all the melted puddles of snow a person could, and made my way into the court room. I felt like a felon. My rights were read. I stood up in front of the judge and pleaded guilty. Guilty. Isn't that weird to say? Guilty. My fine stayed the same, but the points on my record were cut in half. Thanks kind sir.

As I walked out, I walked in front of the nativity scene and thought, play it off Holl, you're not here to be convicted of speeding, you are here to give you're shout out to Jesus. Happy Birthday Baby Jesus, don't speed twenty over.

Worst Mommy Ever

Sawyer doesn't roll over. I mean, he can, he just DOESN'T! If he does, he looks at me like, what the hell just happened and can you put me back please! I set him on the couch with his favorite Dr. Seuss book. (I think you see where this is going.) I turned around and grabbed something off the counter. Steps away! I turn towards the couch just to see Sawyer about to roll off. Again, he never rolls, let alone uphill out of his comfy couch crevice.

My heart jumped knowing that though I was only a few steps away, he was going down before I could catch him.

He falls.

He cries.

I felt horrible and of course spoiled him the rest of the day thinking that it would make him feel better. Really, it just made ME feel better.

The nurse at the hospital, when we delivered, said that everyone drops their baby one time or another. It's been six months and for the first time Sawyer felt the harsh effects of gravity.

I'm thinking that this could be a good thing. If we ever find out he is naturally dumb, I'm blaming it on this fall, 'the time mommy dropped you on your head', and not the gene pool he came from, because duh, his parents are pure genius.

I expect Child Services in 5, 4, 3, 2...

Say My Name, Say My Name!

So, the title of my blog has been kind of bothering me lately. I named it without thinking for even a split second. What was I saying again is something I say a little too often in conversations because I get distracted, and change the subject about thirty times before I go back and finish the first story I was trying to tell. "What was I saying again?!" Anyway, I feel like it's non-descriptive. So, I'm thinking of changing it, you know, before I get all famous for being pretty.

Life of a LoDo Mommy

Mishaps of a LoDo Mommy

Downtown Baby


So, LoDo (For those of you not in Denver) stands for Lower Downtown. That's where we live, we don't have a backyard, we have bars. So, I thought describing a location that isn't too common for raising a child while being more descriptive of my life might be a better title. What do you think? I thought I would consult the people that actually read this first. Any ideas?!

Suck on This!

Oh, the pacifier. How much do we love thee? I'm not sure. I am so proud to say, Sawyer is weaning HIMSELF from this sucking device. Sawyer loves the paci, or he did. I was dreading taking this thing away from him. For him, it was comfort, for me, it was the only way I could take him off the boob without him crying! We brought one everywhere. Had backups when on vacation. I knew I had to limit the pacifier soon or he would be 30 something saying his vows slurred, drool running down his chin and a pacifier parked in the side of his mouth. That can't happen. I can't take credit for that sort of behavior. I am happy to say though, Sawyer is not so into the pacifier anymore and I feel sooo relieved! He uses it only in the crib for naps and bedtime and usually, he throws it out the back of the crib where I can't find it so he ends up with nothing. I dreaded the first night with nothing in his mouth and you know what? That kid looked up at me, smiled and fell asleep.

How did I score such a rad kid? I love you Sawyer. Thanks for making my job so easy.

Don't Think- Ski AND Drink!

So I'm starting to get addicted to these Colorado mountains. We spent the weekend at Keystone and had a blast. Keystone at this point of my skiing hobby is tops. Yes, I know, I don't have much to compare it to, but man, was it BEAUTIFUL there! I am holding out for Beaver Creek, I hear they give you warm chocolate chip cookies at the top of the lift, HELLO! So, there I am, at Keystone, ready to ski down the first run of the weekend. I'm nervous. There are people around. I have some spiked cider in me, my new favorite drink, warm apple cider and rum...yum (Look, I rhyme!). I ski to the edge of the mountain overlooking a lake. It was gorgeous. The feeling of warm apple cider in my stomach is gorgeous too. I head down, I'm doing turns, I'm getting my skies parallel. I'm rockin that hill. I'm good, like, I'm REALLY good! I'm getting what I think are edges down, I'm not running into anyone. I'm going... fast! Geoff heads down the mountain in front of me to video tape my professional ski abilities. I ski past him. I'm DAMN good!

Into the lodge for a drink.

I talk about how awesome that run is and how it's my favorite so far. Someone says how it is a good one, like a super long bunny hill. Umm, don't tell me that, I thought I was good.

I have another drink. That was no bunny hill.

I go out again. Becky is with me this time. She tells me how good I'm doing, how fast I'm going. I am good, I am fast.

We go again. I'm getting better, I'm getting FASTER. I love that run!

Back in the lodge, Geoff shows me the video of my awesome skiing. I have never seen such bad form or someone go sooo slow. And that is me thinking I'm great. I need another drink.


Day two...

Everyone went home Saturday night so it's just me, Geoff and Sawyer. I stay at the condo and watch Sawyer as Geoff skies and then we switch off. I'm going up the gondola. I'm excited for my turn. I decide to start off with the run I've already done three times. This place is huge and I stick with the same ol' thing. Shut up ok?! I'm going down. It looks REALLY steep. I can't turn. I practice my pole plants and fall. Several times I fall. I only fell once yesterday. I fall again. I can't turn. I think I made a WRONG turn. This isn't the super long bunny hill, this stuff is WAY more difficult. I fall, I feel my knee twist. Awesome. I'm sober. I ski. I'm horrible. I need more lessons. I KNOW I took a wrong turn. I'm really slow, I feel self conscience. I'm back at the lift. It WAS the same run. My knee is swollen. This is my first time skiing without a drinky drinky in my system.

Moral? Ski minus drinks equals injury.

My grandma always told me to learn from other people's mistakes so you don't have to make that mistake yourself.

Always drink before you ski. You're welcome.

I Rock.

Going Old School

Several years back I was Hell Bent on writing a book. I thought my life was interesting enough for people to not only want to read, but to invest money in and then read. I guess I really love myself! Seriously, wanna buy my book?! Anyway, I came across a few of my notebooks and actually made myself giggle. Maybe it's because anything in the past about yourself makes a person laugh like, what in the world was I thinking?! So, thought I would post a few things from my "book". See, funny already huh??? Here goes nothin'

-Written while living with Victoria and Kari (Also known as Psycho) in Chicago, trying to get my mind off the storm-

My roommate Victoria calls me the goldfish. She says it because I am distracted by shiny things. Not that it's the shininess of the 'thing' that distracts me, as it is just the things in general. I'm trying to tell a story and a song I like comes on over the radio. The story is then replaced by me lip singing but not the quiet kind, but the kind where it's not silent at all, rather it's me thinking I can sing the song better than so and so, so I sing louder to prove how awesome of a vocalist I am. Well, after coaching gymnastics and teaching aerobics since I was 18 my vocal cords are pretty much shot. OR, as a friend says, they sound clumsy. He's a vocal coach, so what does he know?! Point is, I get distracted, which reminds me, I HATE THUNDER! Well, I hate several things, bananas, flaky coconut, stomach aches, animal hair, ugly things, traffic in California and THIS thunder storm.

I need to call Victoria.

She answers, "What's up?"

"Well, thunder can't do anything to you right? Well, it's like third grade science, I KNOW it can't, but it can't like touch you or hurt you cause this crap is scary! It's like whole towns are blowing up and it's getting closer, like the thunder is chasing after me and not going to stop till it wins, and most things don't scare me but, AHHH, RIGHT THERE! Did you hear that?!?! I'm afraid the windows will shatter any second!"

Victoria explains thunder, the charged air, the reason for lightning and blah, blah, blah. I see it starts to rain which I also don't like becuase I WAS going to go running and now with this torrential downpour and the sounds of World War III, I can't step outside, I'm not even safe INSIDE! The thunder with my sort of luck will GET me. It will be the first time in history, I can see it now in the papers, Scientific Mystery! Thunder Kills Female, 24 years old. Friends say she led a charmed life. Well, they better say something nice. I interupt Victoria,

"Hey V, if I die, you have to say something good, like I was the funniest person you knew, OH, and pictures, don't choose one of those I'm having a fat day/month/year picutures, well, hey, I'll choose the pictures for you!"

"UH, WHAT?"

"Well, just in case, you know, with this whole thunder thing and all. Anyway, good talking to you, got to go."

I hang up the phone and am now sorting through old pictures.

Boys will be Boys

Sawyer in his favorite toy. He goes through favorites pretty quickly, but the bouncer has been his favorite for the last few weeks...



He kicks the crap out of the toys until the toy bar comes off completely...





Then he takes the end of the toy bar, the sharp part and puts it in his mouth. Like a good mommy, I don't TAKE it away, I TAKE pictures...



I love my little boy!

Twitter huh?!

Okay, I'm a little cranky. What the hell is this Twitter stuff?! It's like every time I finally get myself familiarized with something you ALL say is just sooo great, and oh Holly, you HAVE to do this, it's just soooo great, you change it up on me! WTF?! First it was this thing called e-mail. Okay I get it, e-mail is all important and stuff. Then it's cell phones. I think I was the last person in the state of California to own one. I just didn't understand why I wanted to ALWAYS be available for my work to call me... TO WORK! Then it was myspace. It took me a long time and a friend had to set mine up. Other people called me on their CELL PHONES to tell me to check my myspace. FINE. THEN! I get all into myspace and do stuff on it like post pictures and even click on those emotion face things and you guys are like, oh myspace sucks, go to facebook. What is facebook??? I didn't go on facebook until another friend set one up for me (Knowing that I would never do it myself.) and I start getting these e-mails saying, so and so wants to be your friend, and blah, blah, BLAH! Treating facebook like ice cold water I will eventually have to be swimming in, I step in slowly, toe first. People are poking me (not cool, don't poke me, that's just not cool), people are like, oh, click here I bought you a drink. I click and it's a virtual drink. Drink up, it's virtual. DON'T GIVE ME A VIRTUAL DRINK, IF YOU ARE BUYING ME A DRINK IT BETTER BE REAL, AND STRONG. REAL STONG! But, I'm getting into it. It has taken me a LONG time, but I'm getting it. You know I start to get something if what? That's right, if I post pictures and sometimes do my little mood thing. Facebook, I feel like ;-5. What is that anyway?! Now I'm hearing everyone is about Twitter. TWITTER? Internet, can you please stop making all this stuff that people get all involved in and then make me do it. Because I am a sucker for peer pressure I do it but WAY later than you all and by the time I understand this virtual friendship circle crap you switch it on me. Stop switching it on me! So, I'm trying to be a little non cave girl with technology and googled Twitter. This is the explanation I get...

Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?

Is it just me or does this sound absolutely riduculous?! What are you doing? This whole network for a 'what are you doing?'?!?! Most of the time, I don't even know what I'm doing let alone sitting here pondering what the world's population is doing. I don't know about twitter, but if I want to know what your doing, most likely I'll call you. Maybe even send you a letter, as in from the mailbox outside your house. Remember that thing? I miss that thing.

So, seriously, um, I'm dying to know, what are you doing?!?!

Dear Sawyer, 6 months!

I got into the elevator and someone said how cute you are (like always) and that their daughter just had a baby. I asked how old and they said that the grand baby is now a year. I remember when I was a few weeks post-partum and people would congratulate me and tell me they just had a baby, only to find out that their baby was 4 + months. I always thought, just? That was MONTHS ago! Here you are SIX MONTHS OLD. Six! Six, and I feel like I JUST had you. That you just left my body in a somewhat awkward way. That I was just at the hospital. That I JUST brought you home. You are growing soooo fast. It makes me happy, but also a little sad. I mean, can you stay a baby for even a little bit?! I remember being pregnant with you and SIX months of pregnancy seemed like ETERNITY! Maybe that is what happens when you take away a girls cocktail, time slows to an incredible pace. Now I have you, daddy and a cocktail, that is AWESOME!

You had your doctors appointment yesterday and did so well. You smiled at the doctor, and took your shots like a man. I'm so proud of you every day, even when you are being pricked with poisonous needles. You did fall off your growth curve by less than a pound. The doctor said if the trend continues she wants me to add a formula bottle once a day to your food intake. Do you know how anti-dairy I am? I feel sooo thankful that I can breast feed you but this is no easy task. I don't make a lot of milk. I have to work hard on my milk supply and I'm not going down without a fight. I'm going to pump more, drink more boobie tea. I'm going to do whatever it takes, and if it doesn't work I will be sad. If you grow out of my supply, it will suck but I won't be surprised, your a growing man and my boobs are lazy. Damn lazy boobies.

Sawyer, this season is one of my favorites. Yes, I know it's cold, but it's holiday time. Thanksgiving we spent with Becky, Dave and Ethan. They may not be blood relatives, or even law relatives, but it's amazing that they feel pretty close to family and we only met them a few months ago. I feel very lucky to have met such a fun loving, adventurous, caring and cool family and hope our families remain close. They probably didn't know that meeting me meant I write about them online. Suckers! Christmas we will be flying to California to meet my side of the family and have Christmas with Aunt Jackie and Uncle Laurent. I'm VERY excited for that. I'm excited to see your reaction to Christmas lights, Christmas trees and all the balled up paper on the floor that you get to play with. You LOVE balled up paper! I also feel extremely lucky to have Jackie as a sister in law. She is AWESOME and you are going to love that she is your aunt. I guess what I'm getting to is that we are surrounded by a lot of great people, whether they are family or friends and these people know how to have a good time!

Also, this month you got to go to my favorite island, Turks and Caicos! There are some adults that are seriously envious of you. I don't think you are a beach bum like mommy. Every time we put your feet, hands, legs, or ANY parts of your body in water, you pulled away like it was some sort of skin eating acid. This is Caribbean water here kid! I talk about you being spoiled, but man you REALLY were spoiled there! Mommy lived on this island for a while and has lots of friends there. Let me just say that I have the most awesome friends in the universe. No one has as awesome of friends as me. My really awesome friends held you and loved you and flirted with you and bounced you and danced with you and bought you presents. I was laughing when I picked you up from day care and they said there was a bag of stuff to bring along with me. Nikki watched you during the lunch hour while Daddy and I were diving and Nikki bought you presents! See, your charm wins everyone over!



Sawyer, I am really excited to have more kids in the future. I am excited for you to have brothers and sisters. The thing is though, I don't think I will love them as much as I love you. I LOVE YOU! AND, if that is the case, so be it. I will tell him or her, "Kid #2, I don't love you as much as I love Sawyer, so you better do something to really win over my love.". You won't even have to do this while mommy is out of the room, I will tell them myself. My love is not un-conditional, you have to earn that kids!

All I have to say is you are the best. You have this adorable smile that changes every few weeks. You used to bite on your lips and now you stick out your tongue. I love it! You are a sweet guy. You go to bed beautifully. You are interested in everything. You love your head rubbed and like to rub other babies head as to show them how good it feels. You like to bring things up to your mouth and constantly try to drink from mommy and daddy's glass. You are getting better at tummy time. You are sitting up on your own for a few minutes until you get distracted and topple over. You are starting to reach for us to pick you up. You are the most amazing little thing to ever come into my life. I say little, because Daddy is the other really amazing thing to come into my life and you are smaller than him. So, yeah. I love you... until you do something that really disappoints me like not getting straight A's in school or not solving world hunger, not earning millions of dollars and buying your parents a yaught. Hear that?! We don't want a dingy!



I love you my 6 month old BIG BOY!

Britney Spears

I would like to say for the record I always believed in Britney Spears. Always. The first concert I ever went to was Will Smith. That's right, read it and be jealous. Anyway, good ol' Brit Brit was the opener, that's right OPENER and I liked her. Her moves reminded me of a free mall performance. Her vocals weren't there at all, but something struck me and I liked her. Perhaps it was the sun beating down on my head in the seat miles up from the stage. Perhaps it was the beer breath from the drunk dancers the row in front of us intoxicating me. I liked Britney. I prided myself on buying her CD's the day they came out. I've been to every concert (Well, one per album) except the last one. I think it's fare to say, Brit, I've got YOUR Boom Boom!

I declared from the beginning of her downfall that she would return. Through Kevin Federline, a cop out wedding (Support it.) , a shaved head, drinking (Totally support it.), vagina flashing (Okay, not too into it.), a shaved head (Hey, whatever.), a stay in the mental institution, being fat (Seriously, no excuse.), Brit, I KNEW there would be a comeback.

And folks... I think it's here, I think it's coming. Have you seen how hot she looks lately??? She coming back folks, I'm willing to put Sawyer on it (Only during his teething stage). Britney, I'm not that innocent, you're not a girl, not yet a woman, you are a performer and I want to see performances. I don't care if you lip sing, hit me one more time with your dance moves, I've been there for you since the beginning and I deserve it.

Dear MythBusters,

I think you are running out of myths to prove or bust and this one has me fake cursing at every commercial:

Michael Phelps and his Rosetta Stone. Does whitey really know Chinese? 1-2-8 Investigate.

Last

It's the last day of November. The 30th. The last day of trying to post everyday. Obviously I failed, but not having internet access for a week will do that to anyone. This is also the last day that Sawyer is five months old. He will NEVER be five months old again. That is is sad to me.

I just wanted to say that trying to blog EVERYDAY is actually a little difficult BUT it did force me to write more and that part or should I say challenge, I enjoyed. It's nice to get out your feelings, frustrations, happiness, excitement, creativity and everything else in writing. I DO however feel that pretty much no one really reads this and I have the freedom to write WHATEVER I want. This isn't true. I thank maybe two people read this every so often and every once in a while my husband, who got a little embarrassed that I wrote about his 'Fort Surprise'. If you don't know what that is, no worries. It was in my blog for about half a day when he felt more comfortable with it being off this cyber spew of words. I will say, I enjoyed his surprise very much. That is the last time I will talk about it, unless of course I am reminded of it again, and then well, the cycle begins.

So, more writing to come. More than anything, thanks for tuning in, the fact that anyone would want to read what I have bouncing around in my mind is astounding.

Happy almost December. Happy almost Christmas (My favorite holiday!). Happy almost New Year. Happy last day of November!

Me!

Textation Nation

There is something that annoys me to no end and I have no grounds to be annoyed by what I feel is incorrect English. It is the past tense form of the word text: texted. Texted. TEXTED?! Really now? Yes. Really. It drives me crazy but from what I have read out there, the word 'texted' is not wrong, well, nor is it right, which leaves me, kerbobled (Urbandictionary.com meaning to be upset at something or someone, yo. I added the yo myself.). So, what is a girl to do?

My take on the whole thing...

Text: Thanks for the kind text message. Thanks for texting me that message. Will you text me your address? Will you send me your address in a text? I text you my phone number yesterday. I just sent you my phone number in a text.

Hmmm...

Let's look at the word 'beat'. I am going to beat you at Monopoly. You have me beat. I beat her at Boggle yesterday. Would you EVER say, I BEATED her at Boggle yesterday?! (AND, don't say no because you would never play Boggle, Boggle rocks and EVERYONE should play Boggle.)

What am I realizing? When people say 'text' they actually mean 'text message'. So, you aren't really texting anyone, you are messaging them. Is text a noun or a verb, or is it a noun that became a verb? Is it both? Adjective: text messaging. OR is text a verb in the legit urban dictionary I cited above? It's somewhat similar to the word 'test'.

Test: I am going to take a test tomorrow. I will be testing on that tomorrow. I am taking a test right now. I am testing right now. I took a test yesterday. I was tested on that yesterday. Tested. Tested, it works.

Test, both a noun and a verb and works with the 'ed.

I think the most correct way to verbalize the action of sending a text message is to use the word 'send' in it's present, past, and future forms as the verb. I will send you a text message. I am sending you a text message now. I sent you a text message yesterday. Ahhh, it's good music to my ears!

BUT, English is fluid, dynamic, ever-changing, always evolving and what once was against the rules of proper English can and will become correct if enough people use that exact phrase or word of incorrectness. Yes people, you have say in what Webster publishes!

If history repeats itself, people are not too prone to change and slang and laziness begin to take over. I know the word text will not stay a noun and never a verb, again. So, if we were to use the past form of text AS A VERB without us using 'text' or 'texted' or using 'send' as the verb, how do these options sound and look to you...


texed
tex'd
texd

Because I just can't bring myself to texted anyone.

Turks and Caicos in a Very Tiny Nutshell

Man, I've been trying to write this blog for days. Days. At least it hasn't been months right? I've just been tired. Maybe knowing I'm NOT lounging on a beach drinking rum punch all day will do that to a girl. Oh, and guess what?! It's snowing here. There is actual snow on the ground. Can you transport me back to the island please?

Here goes. Our vacation was pretty great. I would put it in the awesome category, but it was a little too windy that week. When I say windy, I'm talking tropical storm windy. This wind in turn made the water all choppy and wavy, which makes visibility crappy and when you look forward and pretty much book your vacation at this specific resort just to dive, the wind becomes a big deal. We did dive once. Maybe i can say twice. We went out once for a two tank dive, so throw that in whatever category you would like. The visibility was not 100+ like it normally it, but about 30 feet. Enough to see a few sharks, so good enough for me I guess. Are you over the dive talk? Ok, moving on, geeze.

Everything else was fantastic. I mean, hell, I'm at the island I used to live on and talk endlessly about. I'm sure most people would rather take a bath in battery acid than listen to any more of my 'stories' but not only was I at MY island seeing MY friends but I was there with Geoff and Sawyer and life doesn't get better than that!

We're Back!

Hello everyone! It's been a while since I've been on here but I'm back! Run, run for your life! No, really, we had a great time and I will update and share pictures soon. In the meantime, it's THANKSGIVING and I've got to prepare, however, I will leave you with a picture of the back of Sawyer's head. I know, I'm too sweet.



Hope you stuff yourself today, remind your loved ones how much you love them and have really awkward moments around the ones you don't.

Love ya!

Ingrid Michaelson, David Ford and Newton Faulkner.

I got to see these three live last night and they were AMAZING! If you don't know who they are, look them up and buy their music and be their fan. David Ford has this amazing voice and some cool youtube videos. Newton is a riot!!! One of the best stage personalities I've seen and he should do his rendition of You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) song every show. Ingrid is sooo cute and I want to be her friend. Hear that Ingrid, I'm cool and I think you would have fun at the game nights I host!

Uber tired, so this post is short. Listen to this music.

P.S. Had my skiing lesson today, and pretty much I'm a pro. (Did you have doubts?!)

Happy Saturday!

Fort Wars.

My husband won. That's all I have to say about that. Check out the work, Maybe I'll even post some close up pictures later on so you can see his handy work using my Bobby Pins as the key ingredient to holding this fine piece of construction together...



Too bad though the best part of the whole thing, I couldn't take a picture of, or blog about. Really, who am I kidding, I have no shame and share way too much. I will say it involved a Christmas Tree Skirt which minutes later worked mighty fine as a cape when I threw it over my shoulders, and ran around the room like Santa's TRUE number one helper. Oh I love my husband... and Christmas... and forts. Ho. Ho. Ho.

I really need to grow up.

I have so much stuff to do. Really a ton. Basically today is the last day before we leave for Turks and Caicos. Really, we don't leave until Monday, but tomorrow my day is packed until the wee morning hours. Saturday and Sunday I'll be skiing, so today is pack day. Pack and clean and get whatever else we need from the store like... sunscreen, lots and lots of sunscreen. While packing I couldn't just put my bathing suit in the suitcase like a big girl. No, I had to try it on and now refuse to take it off. It's about to snow outside and I'm running around in my bathing suit out of sheer excitement for our vacation AND I can bet you ANYTHING I will forget this most important piece of clothing because taking it off means I'm not really somewhere warm, I'm not near the beach, I'm not five seconds away from a sunburn... but when I do change out of it, something will distract me from putting in my suitcase because EVERYTHING distracts me and I will be that girl wearing shorts and a shirt in the ocean. I hate that girl.

Made from Love!

I'm a little sick of ground turkey but it always end up in my shopping cart via ME. Really, can I stop myself? Can I control my own actions? Am I really a creature of habit. Yes, yes I am. There will ALWAYS be ground turkey in my freezer ready to be defrosted and I'm sick of trying to be creative in terms of it's uses. Turkey burgers, tacos, stuffed peppers. Geoff pulled out the ground turkey and said he was making some spaghetti. Ugh. If there is one thing I don't like, it's spaghetti... and bananas, and coconut and... Anyway, by the look on my face he knew spaghetti wasn't a great idea. I started my internet recipe search. Don't fail me, I need something to do with ground turkey. I was at a loss, it's all the same... except I found a meat loaf recipe. I don't remember ever having meat loaf. I'm sure I have, I just don't remember. Meat loaf doesn't sound appealing, but I thought if I did my own thing to it, I would like it and Geoff would go for the whole meat loaf idea. Meat loaf it was and just like any other recipe, I didn't follow it... at all. I did my own thing, added my own ingredients, adjusted the cooking time and viola, meatloaf. I don't think it smelled like meatloaf or even looked like meatloaf, but I was game and excited for Geoff to try it. After one bit, he looks at me and says he wasn't hungry. Hmmm. I ate it, I loved it, I thought it was consumable, but realized what my problem was. When you tell someone you are going to make something and give it a title, they will expect that. I told Geoff I was going to make meatloaf, ignored the recipe and went with my instinct which happened to be a pretty close twin to my turkey burger recipe. What I had in front of me was the largest baked turkey burger patty this house has ever seen and really, I thought it turned out great.

Since dinner didn't turn out like he hoped I decided I was going to make a little something special for my Lovey Love LOVE. I was tired and headed to bed, but instead of crawling inside the covers, I transformed them into a lovely and wonderful... take a guess... FORT!. Who doesn't like forts? Who didn't like transforming their couches into sprawling fort cities as a child?! Hell, who wouldn't like doing that now? I closed the curtains and the door so he wouldn't walk by and see what was going on. I scoured the living room for anything that could serve as a wall to my fort made from love. I had to pull the bed out, push the bed in, creatively use pillows as an extension to our headboard, use the suitcase for a wall post, get extra blankets from the linen closet and bam, a fort with a grand entrance on Geoff's side of the bed! Geoff walked in and rolled his eyes... crawled in, took one look at me and destroyed the fort. I'm not going to lie, I was a little sad. I worked hard on the fort and now it's walls were in shambles all around me. I threw the walls around my shoulders and said I was sleeping on the couch. He end up picking me up and thowing me back on the bed, apologized for my lack of fort building abilities and declared that his could top mine. So, it's on. Let this day mark the day my husband and I are in Fort War. Fort War, made from love of course.

I'll let you know how he does.

Pictures.

Alright, I'm still new at this posting pictures stuff. I notice that the pictures don't automatically center themselves in the space given meaning that I cut myself out of my own posted pictures. What year are we in? Do I have to do all the thinking for you internet blog page?! UGH!

Stand by while I figure this all out.

(You might be standing for a while...)

Ski Bunny Through and Through!

My husband skis, I do not... I mean, I did, I mean I DO! Uhhh, I kind of do. Umm, I grew up skiing just haven't done it in forever so I thought it was in my best interest to schedule myself some lessons. I start Saturday. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm... uhhhh, I'm going to rock it!

In honor of my first lesson in THIS century, I thought I would post some pictures of my last few trips skiing. Damn I'm good...



Just heading out the door...






You can't tell here, but this was pretty much a black diamond mountain...





Pizza anyone?





Notice how I'm in the FRONT of my class, AKA- the LEADER, AKA- the BEST in my class!





Before digital cameras preview screen to see you blinked...





AND, my last time on the slopes...




See, it wasn't THAT long ago... I've got skiing in the bag! Watch out Breck, here I come!!!

To my FIVE month old!

Dear Sawyer,

I can get lost going anywhere! I can get lost going around the block! I’m best at getting lost going places I have been to about a hundred times before. I think I get too cocky about knowing where I am going; you think I would have learned already. Today I promised you that you would get to play with other babies. Mommy had her first playgroup date with the Moms club she joined, and guess what, I got lost. I promise you this address does not exist. I drove around for 40 minutes and, of course, forgot my phone at home so I couldn’t call anyone. What have we learned here? Mommy can’t keep her promises, especially if it involves me getting you somewhere. Deal with it kid.



What has gone on this month now that you are five months old?! Not too much since last month. I worked really hard on getting you on a sleep schedule. Really hard! It was no walk in the park. Since about three months old, I knew I had to wean you from falling asleep in my arms and transferring you into the crib. I knew soon you would have to soothe yourself and that you are old enough to do so. I feel like being a parent is constantly walking a fine line. It’s a line between wanting to keep you my baby forever and cuddle you and cradle you and have you forever be my newborn Sawyer or step onto the other side of the line where you are growing up and learning and becoming more independent every day. It’s so amazing to see you grow and mature and learn what life is all about, but that leaning is a letting go process on my (and Geoff’s) behalf. Without letting go, you can’t learn to your full potential. Teaching you to go to bed on your own is just another way I have to let go. You protested a bit (AKA- cried) and tested us to see if you would be the boss or if we were still in charge, and we had to stay strong. Daddy didn’t understand why it was so easy to put you to bed before and all of a sudden it becomes a chore. Well, simple, before we were tricking you into bed. We put you to bed sleeping and you just woke up there. Now, we are teaching you what bedtime is, what winding down is, what your schedule is and at this point I can now say you are pretty awesome at it. Once the routine starts, you know it’s about that time. There are a few times I think you might cry when I walk away because when I am there, reading to you, turning on your bedtime music or kissing you goodnight you are fussing, but when I’m am done, you lay there for a few minutes and then pass out. What a big boy. You wake up an average of once a night now and it’s during that time that I forget what all the books say, what all the websites say, what all the experts say and I cuddle you like the baby I brought you home from the hospital. It doesn’t matter how tired I am when I first wake, when I have you in my arms I feel like the luckiest person on the planet. I love those times!

You are also eating now. Due to a carrot mishap, Daddy bought me a baby food maker and we are making all your baby food; organic, freshly made baby food. You are treated like a king sometimes! You don’t seem to care as much about the new food though as I do. I am sooo excited every time I get to see your face with a new taste, but all the faces are the same, it’s a GIVE ME MORE FOOD AND GIVE IT TO ME NOW kind of face. Real nice Sawyer.

Other things…

We have a new president and history was made. Barrack Obama is now President of the United States of America and now all these babies are being named Barrack. This year, this presidential election is the reason there are a bunch of Barracks in your kindergarten class, haha. Now mommy can say she saw IN PERSON, the president of the United States…working out on one of the wimpiest machines in the gym. I should have challenged him to a cycling class.

In one week we will be on vacation! You are five months old and have a passport! Can you believe it?! We are all spending six nights in Turks and Caicos. I used to live there and can’t wait to show daddy one of the places I consider home. I love it there and now get to spend time in one of my favorite places with my all time favorite people, you and daddy. Too bad you are too young to drink because the resort we are going to makes some pretty wicked margaritas.

You spent opening day at A-Basin with Mommy and Daddy. That was really important to him. He is a big time skier. I hear he is AMAZING. I CAN’T wait to ski with him. I grew up skiing but have not done it in years. I’m pretty sure I am going to sneak up to the resort and get some lessons in before I go with Daddy. I am insanely in love with your father and always want to impress him. I want to impress him with my skiing skills and am in no shape to do that now. We have to be sneaky!

That is about all I have for you. I know this is a boring one, but whose fault is that?! I challenge you to do something before next month. Crawl? Roll over more? Roll over at all because you have seemed to forget how to do that. Change the oil in the car? Make daddy and me dinner for a change?! Come on, you are made from the insides of two smart, beautiful, amazing people, I know you got more in ya!



I love your guts to outer space and back! Happy five months!

Mommy

Our Weekend.

Sawyer dancing...



Isn't my husband handsome?

Sing It!

My husband likes techno, I do not. The beat sounds the same, it echos in my ears and pounds on my chest, the glow sticks scare me, especially when those little dancers put them on strings and swing them around. ( It's like, uhhh, you know the glow stick swinging operators had drinks and possibly some other substances and now they are swinging around glowing chemicals in plastic tied to a sting... that is a WEAPON if you ask me!!!) The weird hand movements in other peoples faces, the dress up in weird outfits; the whole culture in general is just not one I ever got into or even experimented with. But like I said, my husband likes techno, he likes it a lot. Date night last night and we went to some club to meet up with some friends in town where the DJ who is friends with my friend (Sorry for all the friend's friend's friend stuff! ) played some bump-bump, techno stuff. I soon got pulled into the DJ booth with her and another friend, I was sooo out of my element. I danced like a girl in a body cast would... awkwardly. I tried to be cool but realize I am not. More importantly, I realized just another reason and possibly, one of the stronger reasons I don't like that techno remixed stuff. When I sing to the words to a song and the DJ decides to 'mix it up' and I sing what comes next, but there isn't a next, just the last word played over and over again 80 times leaving me there without my facade, revealing to myself and others that no, it wass not me that was responsible for the vocals. That I did NOT sing that song. That I am NOT the lead vocalist in that band. I have worked too hard memorizing songs and choreographing dance routines on my runs to have my fantasy world shot down by MY song remixed by a DJ. So, you won't see my 'performances' at any club any time soon, but I will be featured on the Cherry Creek Running Path... yes, that is me running and singing and dancing, and yes, I'm pretty good.

And then a Hero comes along...

I am annoyed at my husband’s friend and his wife. I wouldn’t be getting into this at all except for the fact that I saw them last night and couldn’t be mean. I mean, I wanted to because I have the maturity level of a second grader, but I couldn’t do it! What is wrong with me? Where did Holly go?

I probably have no business being annoyed, but I am, so there. Long story short, (Haha, I always say that and it’s never a shortened story, consider yourself warned.) this guy went to college with my husband, moved to Colorado together, I think they were even roommates for a while. My husband considered this guy one of his best friends until recently and rightly so. They have known each other for a long time, have very similar interests but this guy NEVER makes any effort to hang with Geoff. This couple lives about 20 minutes away and never bother to visit, EVER. They will not come to a birthday party, Christmas party, or any sort of event here because quite frankly, they never leave the vicinity of their neighborhood. WE always invite them to all sorts of things and will drive up to where they live just to have lunch. I mean, hello, a friendship is like sex, reciprocate! All of that is certainly going to get old, but the nail in the coffin was after we had Sawyer.

Geoff always wanted to be a daddy and couldn’t more elated when I told him I was pregnant. His friends know this. Sawyer was born five months ago and they did not come visit once. Not once! As annoyed as I am with them, if this chick pushed out a baby tomorrow, I would be there with gift in hand just to say Congrats. (That is why I am the bigger person here, right?!) A baby is a big deal, a life changing thing, an amazing experience and when our Russian neighbor lady who wears too much perfume can make an effort to come visit and say congrats, if my friends can fly half way across the country to say congrats, I think one of Geoff’s “best friends” can drive twenty minutes out of their way to say congratulations as well. BUT, they never did, ever. I know Geoff is hurt by the situation and because he is the man and not suppose to be hurt by anything, I stepped up as his wife and am pissed on his behalf. That’s right, I stepped up to the plate like a hero, pretty much I am a hero. Just call me hero. Pretty, beautiful hero.

I guess I wonder though if I have the right to be? This wife thing is new to me, I’m insanely protective of my family and if you hurt any of them, I will hate you, be sarcastic to your face, and call you ugly head to all my friends... well, that is what the second grader inside me wants to do, BUT, I couldn’t do it last night. I couldn’t do it. That is no hero in my books! I have another chance tonight and since my husband and I already worked it out that I got to drink some wine last night and he drove, that means, he gets to enjoy some beverages tonight and I drive home, which is just a wordy equation equaling out to me not saying anything ever. Maybe it is my place to be mad, but not ruin a friendship. Maybe I’m growing up. Maybe my Maturity level is at third grade now, which was one of my favorite grades anyway, but MAYBE you guys can help come up with something witty to say before I head off to this thing. Maybe I can get my mean back. Maybe I can flunk a maturity level. Maybe.

Don't forget your carry on... and your manners.

In honor of the holidays and the travel season, I thought I would post a little something I wrote a long time ago while I was working as a flight attendant. It's a little paper I think all travelers should read, date and sign before they enter two feet on any plane!

Consent Form to Fly


Its a plane not a spa so hold off on the toe nail clippings.

No, we are not looking at the size of your boyfriends penis buldge, we are checking to see if his seatbelt is fastened.

How do I know your bag wont fit? I pretty much live on these aircrafts, Im not saying it to get back at your mother, I'm telling you because your bag wont fit. Really.

Needing a bottle of water during take-off is not an emergency unless your shorts are on fire, so can you wait five minutes?!

Don't take the seatbelt sign serious and we will find the new knot on your head amusing.

Don't slam my bins! I don't go to your house and slam doors, or hide my gum under the arm rest of your chairs for that matter.

Masterbating in flight is not a compliment to anyone and a blanket does not make you invincible.


When my pilots step out of the flight deck to greet you or say goodbye, be respectfull, do the same. I'm super protective of my pilots, so when they stand next to me as you de-plane, look her or him in the eyes and say something, like nice flight perhaps. Its amazingly sad how little they recieve a compliment, a wave, recognition, or eye contact... Then tell me how pretty I am.


Wash your hands, don't want your germs.

No, your baby is not cute, when it is taking our snacks and smashing them into our floor, I don't care how blue their eyes are.

Most of your flight attendants have degrees, read more books in a month than the average American does in their life, and is in this job to travel, therefore well cultured. Don't treat us like idiots... Ask us a stupid question and we will reply with a stupid answer, just to see the look on your face.

When we warn you to watch your elbows and knees for the cart coming through the isle, don't complain when they get hit.

Will your bags make it? No! Always expect that and you will never be dissapointed.

Wheelchairs in Chicago OHare are like Leprachans and gold at the end of a rainbow...good luck!

I am not psychic. How am I suppose to know your entire gut can fold over the seatbelt? Lift it and show me the belt is worn "low and tight".

Your warm bag of barf left under your seat after a flight is not a welcoming suprise... Just let me know right away and I will properly disspose it, no surprises.

Oh yeah, I willed that thunderstorm in Chicago, fog in San Francisco, and snow in New York so they cancel your flight... Do you really think I control the weather? I want to get there just as bad as you, trust me, it's probably my one flight from home.


Sign here if you understand and comprehend all information and will not commit something as stupid or heinous as above.


X_________________________ Date:_____________ You are now welcome to board!

Marriage in a Nut Shell

Me while gagging: "Your farts haven't turned my stomach in a long time, but man, that last one really flipped it over!"

Geoff: "Really?" Kisses my forehead, "That's so sweet Baby!"

Easy Steamy

Mamma got a present, and NOT because I deserve one! I actually got it due to my lack of basic cooking skills. Yes, LACK of. That makes me a little sad to say. I feel like I worked hard to teach myself how to cook some decent meals. I can follow a recipe, I can make up my own and it usually comes out pretty good… or so I thought.



Confession: I burned steamed carrots. Isn’t it obvious that water becomes steam and the longer you steam, the more likely it will be that you need to STOP steaming, or ADD more water?! I know this, I DO know this. I know this when I think about it logically, but that was the problem, I wasn’t thinking logically. That, or just got too distracted. I get distracted very easily. One of my nicknames was Goldfish due to my lack of concentration, and ability to be distracted by just about anything, especially if it’s shiny or sparkly. Did I get distracted? I don’t remember! (Let’s not even talk about memory!) Point is, burnt carrots smell BAD and boy did I burn them! I smoked them and smoked carrots don’t make good baby food.

About two weeks ago, I decided it was time to feed you solids. Solids is by no means solid. In fact, it is the complete opposite of solid. No joke, a baby’s first solid should be of liquid consistency. Is liquid a solid?! No it is not! Maybe if information wasn’t so misleading, my mind wouldn’t have been so full of baby translations and I wouldn’t have burnt the carrots, but whatever.

So, I wanted to wait until you were about six months old before I started you on “solids” but I think at five months old you were more than ready. You bring everything to your mouth, especially beer bottles. We went out to dinner and all the adults enjoyed a beverage. You sat on my lap and fussed reaching for my beer. Once it was in your hands you opened your mouth and lowered the bottle until you mouth was at the opening and tried to tip it up so you could drink some! You were upset when we wouldn’t let you have a drink. Relax kid, your five months, not 21years and five months. You also started to get up a lot at night. Every 2 ½ hours to be exact just to eat. You were starving. Milk was no longer doing it. I was pretty sure you were ready for food and 100% sure I couldn’t wake up every 2 ½ hours for a month straight.

We started you on rice cereal and you loved it. You wanted more, you thought I wasn’t doing a good enough job of shoveling into your mouth and took it upon yourself to grab the spoon and rush it into your wide open mouth. You got it all over you, you held the mush in your hands and squished it through your fingers. I was all about it! See the food, smell the food, experience the texture of your food. Daddy came over and wiped your face. See, sometimes mom is the fun one! Anyway, you formed a rash. A rash on your face, your trunk around your eyes. I thought it was an intolerant reaction to the cereal. Aunt Jackie says that a reaction to cereal in the form of a rash is rare and most likely caused by some virus. Mommy and daddy did have a cold recently, but I still thought the safe bet was to stop the cereal. The rash stopped and I decided to move you on to better more tasty foods… carrots.

I decided to make you the carrots myself…

Home made baby food…

Steamed carrots are easy enough right?

Obviously that is where I went wrong. When Daddy mentioned something was burning, I was so sure it was something on the stove that we didn’t fully wipe off from dinner. I let the carrots cook longer. They were thick! It must take like 25 minutes right? Needless to say, we were left with a completely black pan, smoked carrots and a smell so bad that it took over 24 hours of airing out the house to get the smell out. Mommy’s new present??? A baby food maker, an obviously needed baby food maker and I love it!

And what present did you give us in return? I’ll leave you with an e-mail I sent to Daddy yesterday,

OMGOMGOMG!!!!

If I could send smells through the internet, I would send you Sawyers last diaper. SO, no need for prunes. Guess the carrots took their sweet time out and BOY did they come out! Holy Crap, I wish you saw this! I picked up Sawyer to see poop spewing out of his diaper and onto my hand. My first thought: Yay, poop! Babe, this was the most wretched smell yet and there was sooo much! It basically looked likeI spooned a cup of carrot puree into the diaper and added a drop or two of brown coloring.

Oh man it was bad! What a big boy!

Failure #1, the first of many.

So after committing myself to something, I realized that I set myself up for failure. This month my family is going on vacation. (Hallelujah... HALLLLLL e LUUUUU JaHHHH... is singing in my head as I type vacation, vacation, VACATION!!!) So, naturally, I WON'T be logging onto the internet during my vacation, vacation, VACATION! So, besides that week of sun, scuba diving, margaritas, I am going to try and write every day. Don't lash me.

Get ready for my verbal throw up... in the form of blogs.

Sawyer,

I’m not necessarily sure what this will be about. I think it will be about you, but then I think it might be about me. Maybe I’m feeling selfish. Thing is, I want to write more. I used to write all the time, not so secretly, I wanted to write a book. To tell you the truth, I think I had a somewhat adventurous life that people might want to hear about. Then again, maybe they don’t. All I know is that somewhere along the line, I learned that I liked to put words onto paper regarding what I was thinking, what I was feeling. In no way am I a poet, or a mush gushy writer, but when I have an opinion, it’s usually an uber intense strong one and I think I am usually able to get that point across on paper and sometimes in a humorous manner. I’m also not too shy when it comes to embarrassing myself. I can’t help but feel a little jealous when I read these really funny mommy blogs that are all popular, because the truth is, I want to be there too. I want to be a funny mommy blogger that people want to read, a blog people relate to. Really though, I don’t have much to say, like I already said too much long ago and am now running out of words. I want my words back!

It’s funny though, how I used to write about all kinds of crazy stuff, I have notebooks full of stories and now, every time I think about writing, all I want to do is tell the world about you. How awesome you are, how adorable you are, how annoying you are at times, how tiring you can be, how much you eat, how much you poop, how much you have changed my life and how much I love you. I guess you are the most important thing in my life, right up there with Daddy and Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Oatmeal Balls. Man, I just love you three so much!

I guess the point is, while reading some of those mom blogs, I learned that this month is National Blog Writing Month (Or something like that.). If you want to join in, you have to blog every day. Really, I didn’t go to the website, or do any sort of research at all because, well, I’m lazy. So, maybe you aren’t suppose to blog everyday, I don’t know what the rules are, but it challenged me to TRY and blog every day for the rest of this month. Lets see what happens. Lets see if I find my words. Lets see who I bore to death. November 5th…. Day one of my daily blogging adventure…

Oh, and here is my third love:

2 cups Oatmeal
½ cup P/B
½ cup honey
2 tbs. Almond milk (Cause Dairy is the devil)
Handful of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Mix together, roll into little balls and let sit for a few hours. No baking needed. Mmmm mmm good!


Your weird mom.