Charlotte: A Birth Story

Is it safe to say that you are tired when you spell your own name wrong on your child's birth certificate application?

But you don't care about that right? The birth story, oh yeah...

This birth for sure is a hundred times different than Sawyer's. I love this birth story. It's so gross. I remember all the gross stuff. Poop and pee and screams. I mean, you guys know I talk about that stuff right? I'm so weird with this birth. I want to tell everyone and then tell them again, a hundred times! Maybe you should run now.

I feel like in order to update you, I have to start a little earlier since I haven't had much internet access.

I kept telling all of you how great I felt and I was totally okay and even welcomed going overdue. Then my blood pressure started to rise and stayed high. I was cleared of pre-eclampsia after getting my blood and urine tested but the blood pressure never went down. At 39 weeks, I hit a wall. All of a sudden I was done. Done with being unable to roll over at night. Done with not being able to bend over. Done with the constant exhaustion and I think through my blood pressure, my pregnancy was pretty much done with me. I still wanted the baby to wait until Saturday, two days before my due date and the day my mother in law flew in. Lugging Sawyer around to someone's house in the middle of contractions wasn't my idea of fun and if Grandma was here to hang out with Sawyer, life would be sooo much easier. Not to mention, Sawyer just freakin' LOVES his grandma.

Friday, the day before Grandma's arrival, I was told at my doctor's appointment that most the doctors there think I should of been induced but my incredibly awesome doctor said while I have reason TO be induced, I don't have reason I MUST be induced and frankly, "my patient doesn't WANT to be induced." So, she said, unless I wanted it, she wasn't going to tell me I needed it. I said I wanted to go natural, the inducing drugs scare me and Grandma arrives tomorrow so how about a strip?

Tease! Call in the troops.

No, kidding. I asked her to strip my membranes.

OH, I also forgot to tell you guys that a few days before this appointment Charlotte turned sideways. She went from head down to totally sideways and I was scared that in all my efforts to not be induced and just clearing the pre-eclampsia, she turns on me and I end up needing a C-Section anyway. I mean, the whole reason I didn't want to be induced was a fear that it would cause a higher probability of needing a C-Section. UGH. She turned again a day later and during an ultrasound at this appointment we saw she was head down again. WHAT a troublemaker!

I was dialated 2 1/2, got my membranes stripped Friday and was crampy all Friday and Saturday.

With Sawyer I had my membranes stripped I think twice before he came out. I was used to this crampy. It didn't scare me. I didn't think it was an indicator of things to come because everything can be an indicator and can also be a false indicator. Birth is so nicely predictable, right?

Grandma got in safely Saturday afternoon and Sunday all cramps stop. All of them. I was prepared to hit my next appointment being five days overdue. Monday was my due date and the day before all possible signs of labor stop. This is what I get for saying I wanted to go overdue right? I mean, I totally deserved it and now that I was in the possible overdue boat, I wanted to jump out and swim in the other direction. Grandma was here so it was time to get the baby OUT!

We head to bed and around 11pm, cramps start up again. I cramp and cramp and cramp and OH MY GAWD, cramp.

This has got to be fake. I mean, FALSE, this is false labor and why would it start in the middle of the night? I hate that, can't I plan you?

Cramp, cramp, CRAMP.

A few months before this, a friend sent me a Hypnobirthing book. I told her (and the rest of the world because my mouth is big), that I wanted to go natural this time around. This book advicates all natural child birth though almost self hypnosis. Since this is the only natural birthing book I read and didn't have much time to read much else AND heard really good things about hypnobirthing, I gave it a shot. I practiced the exercises, listened to the CD, visualized my birth (I know, make fun of me...). I did. Well, I tried. I knew birth was going to be tough but in my mind, anything helps.

When those cramps hit Sunday night, I thought of the exercises. One exercise is to pretend your hand has healing powers. You visualize all this stuff and eventually place you hand over the areas your body hurts and feel the pain leave the area. I think I'm a bad student or maybe an over-visualizer but all of a sudden my "magic hand" was gloved in a shiny Michael Jackson glove and I'm singing "Beat it, Beat it..." to my contractions.

Then realize maybe I don't want my contractions to "Beat It" and I miss M.J. We'll never get another new song out of him again. Sad.

CRAMP, CRAMP, CRAMPCRAMPCRAMP!

Okay, breathe, no, think glove or hand, HAND NOT GLOVE! Beat it...

CRAMPCRAMPCRAMP!

I channel Katie Holmes. The book says if you can birth quietly, it's good for the baby. I must become a Scientologist. THAT is the answer. THINK KATIE. BE KATIE.

The cramps feel worse but I'm not sure if it's in my head or if they are truly getting worse. It's in my head...

Katie, that's right, that's where I was- CRAMP!

Eww, but Tom Cruise, no thanks. Is their marriage legit, did she really birth quietly? Isn't Suri cute? Must be because she birthed without screaming. Owwwww, CRAMP! Will my child not end up cute if I'm not quiet?

CRAMPING!

GLOVE, MAGIC HAND, KATIE HOLMES, TOM IS WEIRD, CRAMP, CRAMP, CRAMP.

Then I start to actually think normal, you know, like maybe I should time these and stop being all M.J. in the middle of these contractions that I think are so fake.

CONTRACTION- 2 minutes- CONTRACTION- 2 minutes- CONTRACTION- 1 minute 40 seconds- CONTRACTION

Ummm. Maybe if I get up they will stop?

So, I get up and decide to time them while walking except I can't walk very well but I can eat Graham Crackers well so I do that instead and thought maybe I was timing contractions wrong. Why would they start at two minutes apart? For sure timing them wrong.

There it is: free contraction timer app. on the IPhone.

Yup, two minutes apart or less.

Breathe, grrrrrrrr, pain, breathe, think colors- YEAH, colors, the book said to do that too: ROYGBIV. Thinking colors will- OMG, owwwwwwwww- breathe- ummm, thinking colors will make them go away.

We are an hour from the hospital, my contractions are averaging two minutes apart.

Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Katie, NO uhhhh, BLUE, pain. Beat it, no one wants to be defeated.

Owwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!

Ummmm to call or not to call? That is where I get all messed up. Calling labor and delivery means I think something is real and I wake up people to complain about it. Do I wake up these people? Is this real?

Grrrrrrrr, owwwwww.

I call labor and delivery.

They don't sound too convinced I'm in labor so I must be wimpy and these MUST be nothing, right? I mean the girl on the phone knows everything, RIGHT? Right?!


Pain. Pain. PAIN. I am sooo wimpy, I can't even handle fake contractions. Blue, Green, Orange, what was the order? The only thing that I could do at that point is cry.

Geoff heads into the living room as I'm crying, "It's nothing, don't worry, Sawyer took forever to come out." I whimper.

Pain. Tears.

Geoff is convinced it's nothing as well since I went in with Sawyer when contractions were two minutes apart and got sent home because they weren't DOING anything. I bet these contractions aren't doing anything and we would drive an hour to be sent home. Geoff goes back to bed and I pace the living room. I can't get to one side without being hit by a contraction that sends me hunched over and breathless. I'm so wimpy. Soo, sooo wimpy. All I can think of is how no one else in the world would think these would hurt. I think I should sleep it off, go to bed and sleep this off but every time I head in the direction of the room, another contraction hits and I'm surprised by how much they are taking all mobility away from me. I have no idea what to do. Labor and Delivery said IF I really do think they are real, try paging the doctor and see what the doctor on call thinks but why wouldn't the doctor say exactly what labor and delivery said? CRAMP.

So you know what I do? You know WHAT I do?! I freakin' look at all of YOUR blogs and YOUR birth stories. I seriously start searching them out like a maniac to see what YOUR doctor said when you were in labor because I can't make a decision for myself. No joke. See how important your blogging is to the world? I place my health care decisions in your blogging hands.

While huffing through contractions, I read that most of you called the doctor before two minutes apart. I didn't have any warning though, no warning!

I call the doctor on duty because that is what YOU GUYS would do. Am I nutty?

She answers and I start, "My name is Holly and I'm due, uhhh, it's midnight so today and I'm having-"

A contraction hits and I can no longer speak, stand straight or keep my eyes open. I'm breathing heavily and the doctor is asking me questions.

Why is she asking me questions? Can't she read my mind? She's a doctor!

I take a deep breath and manage to blurt out, "I can't!"

It ends and I squeeze in, "Contractions averaging two minutes apart." Those five words have exhausted me.

She says she thinks I should go get checked. I tell her it's my second and we are an hour away so we will see them in a bit.

I sense a nervousness in her voice as she says firmly, "Get in the car NOW!"

I wake Geoff and maybe fifteen minutes later we are in the car and down the windy dirt road... only to realize we left the labor bag in the other car.

So we go back UP that windy dirt road.

I'm grabbing the handle above the passenger window and moaning though contractions. All I can do is moan.

We head back down and I start freaking out that everything is going to stop. Why is labor such a head game? There are rules to know if contractions are the real thing but you NEVER know for sure. We are going to drive an hour to find out everything has stopped.

Moaning, breathing, squeezing of handles. Geoff drives surprisingly safe down the canyon as I watch for deer in the middle of contractions.

I'm so impressed as my speed demon hubby drives safely down the road and as we are driving each new turn is a huge milestone. We MAKE it down the dirt road. We MAKE it down the road that leads to the canyon. Thank God we make it down the canyon where there is no cell service. We make it to the freeway and then into Denver and to the hospital. We make it. Geoff speeds up during each contraction and slows between them as if my little bit of normal time between contractions mean it's all going to stop and we can laugh this off in Denver and maybe catch a late movie... at 1am.

But that doesn't happen. The contractions get worse and worse. I'm moaning louder and louder. I remember being annoyed by the radio. Why is everyone singing right now? STOP WITH THE DAMN SINGING!!! After the longest drive of the century, we park, I drop everything and head to the labor and delivery entrance.

It's after hours. I hate after hours. They treat the place like a high security prison except no one is allowed in unless you seriously convince them you are in labor and not some creep dressed up as a pregnant lady in distress.

I'm hunched over and can't speak, Geoff rings the bell and yells into the camera, "SHE'S IN LABOR!"

For the first time ever, they don't ask anything but, "Does she need a wheelchair?" Clearly they can see my pain.

I hobble in. The hallway to triage seems like forever. Who designed this thing and can I fire that person? Where was the people mover, this is Labor and Delivery for crying out loud!

At the desk another contraction hits and the only thing I can do is place my forearms on the chair, bend over, sway my hips and moan though the contraction. They don't seem bothered, are super calm and ask me more questions. Seriously with the questions?

"WATER." I gasp.

A total lost cause as the answerer to questions, they calmly take me back to the room where I can get all hooked up to beeping machines and hang out to see if I'm progressing or a big fat baby.

CONTRACTION, CONTRACTION, CONTRACTION. I'm kicking my pants off toward Geoff. I can't even pull them off myself. They walk in to give me water and walk out again. CONTRACTION, CONTRACTION, CONTRACTION. I'm groaning, I'm breathing and swaying. The nurse says cheery, "That moaning sounds to me like you are about a six." Dilated a six would be good, very good. Don't get my hopes up lady, if I'm not a six, you're leaving with a black eye.

Calmly, they help me up to the bed, slowly, EVER SO SLOWLY, get some other things done (Like what, I have no idea, why do they keep leaving the room???) and finally settle into the room to check my dilation. The look on the nurse's face turns from calm and serene to freaked as she yells to the hallway, "She is an eight and bag is bulging, GET HER UP, NOW!"

I'm totally shocked. Maybe I'm not that wimpy? Take that SIX.

All of a sudden, several nurses are in my room, sit me in a wheelchair and walk me quickly up to the actual labor room. Nurses are walking (almost jogging) besides asking Geoff questions and putting bracelets on both of us. "I'm sorry," they explain to us as we are rushed up, "but we have no time." Something about not having time gets me a little excited. No long drive back to the mountains.

I'm rushed into the room where there are three doctors and several nurses. The doctor on call smiles and says she thought we wouldn't make it. I glance over at the wall where there is a sign that reads 1-10 and has a duck that you move up and down according to how dilated you are. I feel relieved my duck is almost at ten and we just got there. ALMOST AT TEN I repeat as another contraction knocks the breath out of me.

They try to do an ultrasound to make sure the head is down but at that point, I'm in such pain, I'm grabbing onto anything I can, I'm pulling myself up, moaning and swatting the ultrasound wand off my stomach. I don't know how doctors deal with this on a daily basis. More moaning, LOUDLY, I'm moaning incredibly loudly. Contractions are getting worse and they ask me what kind of pain relief I want.

Here it is.

I've been waiting for this.

"I want to try and go without."

That was it. It's been said. I've been asked and under the pressure of a lot of pain, I turn it down. I can tell that I'm going to really like this doctor. She smiles and says that I'm almost there and I could do it. The contraction pain worsens and the time between shortens. It seems like everyone is there to just stare at me, to see the show. I'm squeezing Geoff's hand and after a few contractions, I'm soaked in sweat ask how many calories giving birth burns.

They laugh but I'm not joking. I need to know.

They exchange smiles. SMILES. Can you believe that? I'm in pain and they all exchange smiles and chuckles like it's a cocktail party and I'm the entertainment. How many damn calories am I going to burn, I NEED TO KNOW!

Everything I want one minute is exactly what I don't want the next minute. I'm soaked in sweat but "I WANT MY SHIRT ON!" Maybe two minutes later, Geoff is holding me up as I'm yelling, "Get these clothes off of me, ALL OF THEM!" I'm hot, soo hot, I need the air on, and cold, I don't care how everyone else feels, I need this place COLD.

They ask if I want my water broken and predict I'll give birth in fifteen minutes after doing so but the pain will be worse. I can't imagine the pain being much worse. With each painful contraction, I'm. That's it. I'm.

A good twenty minutes go by and I realize the contractions already suck, might as well make them worse but the birth go by faster.

I ask them to break my water and within the second, a contraction hits worse than the one before and another and another and I have no breaks. I'm squeezing Geoff's hand, I'm biting him. I'm writhing in pain, I have lost all control of my body. I pee the bed and could care less. My legs are pulling into my body, they are pulling away, they are shaking, they don't know what to do, my whole body is on fire, I feel like every inch of my mid section, chest to the tiniest parts of my privates are on fire. My back is no longer bone, each muscle feels like it's tearing in half and then that part tears in half and each half is on fire. I've graduated from moaning to screaming and wonder if anyone can hear me down the hall. If felt so movie like.

Several times, Geoff has to sit down because he feels like he is going to pass out. Once he walks out of the bathroom complaining of cramps. "I think they are sympathy cramps." REALLY?! I don't want to hear about your cramps. The nurses bring him juice and step in to take over as the hand holder. I'm squeezing their hands but they aren't the rough working hands I know and love.

The pain is so intense, things are flying out of my mouth. I'm cursing. I don't curse. Contraction after contraction slam into my body, it feels like a freight train is plowing through my mid section and I'm no longer me. I'm yelling things I've never yelled before and I don't know where it's coming from.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, SHIT! SANDWICH! SHIT!!!!!"

(I'm sorry for the cursing but I'm just trying to tell you how it went, I really do feel weird about the cursing but it was just spilling out of me.)

The doctors think the sandwich thing is funny.

"I'm not fucking kidding, bring me a fucking sandwich!"

No one does anything, I can't focus, I can't breathe but everyone else seems to be breathing just fine and that pisses me off.

"STOP BREATHING. All of you, STOP! FUCK! I'm hungry, can't you bring me a sandwich, I need, SHIT! FUCK! SANDWICH!"

People ask how the pain felt. I heard that it hurts and by the end it's unbearable. That is true. There isn't a way to describe the pain. You know how an animal will chew off its own body part to free itself from a trap? I felt that I would have gnawed off the top part of my body from the mid section if that would have made the pain go away. It's the worst pain you have felt times by infinity. It's the type of pain you see in those torture films. I felt like I was being tortured and the world called this "natural" and "beautiful" just to play a mean trick on me.

I wasn't sure how long this went on until I read Charlotte's medical papers. There is a section that describes your birth. They said fifteen minutes tops after they broke my water but the contractions would hurt. It was a full forty minutes painful break free contractions. Forty minutes of cursing, and sandwich asking and at the very end, I was spent.

"I'm done, this is it, I'm dying, I am. I'm going to die. I need an epidural." I cry.

I failed. I asked for one and they said I could have it. Geoff said he was sooo proud of me and an epidural didn't change how proud he was.

I gave in and now that I did, I needed it now. I needed something to free me of this pain. The anesthesiologist was down the hall but by the time he could walk over I was pushing. This is it, no epidural.

The nurse paged for the doctors and they all ran in within seconds. My legs were sprawled and I was was pushing. The doctor looked at me and said firmly, "Holly, you need to wait, I have two gloves to put on, two, just wait until I get these gloves on."

"I don't care about your stupid gloves, AHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Pushing.

That is when I heard a word I dreaded, "lip".

"She has a lip of cervix." The doctor announces.

I have heard of this before in one of my favorite birth stories. I wanted to cry. Don't tell me I have a lip of cervix, this is going to ruin everything. My life is ruined, I have a lip of cervix.

"BUT, I think she can push through it."

Everyone gets into place, I'm trying to pull behind my knees but each part of my body is working against the other. My biceps are pulling my legs in but my quads are pulling my legs away. I'm exhausted. I want to give up. The only thing that gets me from the pain to the pushing is knowing that getting this baby out will stop the pain.

Geoff asked if this is like the whole marathon comparison. Eff a marathon. Been there done that, a marathon is like a pony ride compared to this. A marathon you train for, you run 20 or more miles several times before the big day, you PRACTICE that pain. There is no way to practice this pain. A marathon is NOTHING compared to this.

My whole body is shaking as the doctors tell me to let my contraction build up then to push. Build? BUILD? You think my contractions have given me enough mercy to build? Those suckers have one mode and that is peak.

I take a deep breath, hold it in and push with all my might. The weirdest thing about pushing is that once you are at the pushing stage, the pain of the contraction seems to disappear. I'm not sure if it really is gone or if you are just so happy to do something about the pain it seems to have disappeared, like scratching an itch. It gives me reason to push more and though I had this new "reason" to push, my pushes didn't seem to do much. I knew this. I felt her head against me, I felt the stinging of my skin stretching but I knew she wasn't going anywhere soon.

I would breathe, pull my legs back, curl my upper body in and push until I felt my eyes were going to pop out. I saw the nurse wiping my butt. The lights were bright, there were people gathered all around and the only thing I was pushing out was poop.

"I'm pooping. That is it, poop!" I yell defeated. The doctor looks up, gives me the funniest face and shakes her head no. She is a total liar but the way she lies makes me just want to hug her.

Contraction after contraction hit and I'm pushing incredibly hard. Something was different, something was off, I knew she was small, Sawyer slid on out but she wasn't moving much.

I thought giving birth without pain relief was going to prove to me how amazing birth was and it was designed so perfectly. You know, like, THAT is why it's done this way. I have SEEN THE LIGHT. As I was pushing and my skin was stinging I felt the exact opposite. Everything seemed so wrong. This whole process seemed so off. This was NOT how it's suppose to be. I was not suppose to be pushing something out of there. Things of this size are NOT suppose to exit that area. It was painfully clear this was NOT how it's suppose to be.

Sawyer has a block toy with various shaped holes in it and it comes with different shapes you put into those holes. A square goes into the square hole, a triangle into the triangle hole but a square will never fit into the triangle hole no matter how hard you bang.

I felt like I was trying to bang a square into a triangle hole and it wasn't right. There needed to be another way. I didn't get why I had to do all this work and the doctors couldn't magically get her out. I wanted a coffee break and for the staff to do the rest of the work. Haven't I done enough? My square was not coming out of my triangle. It was not suppose to be that way.

After several incredibly hard pushes, I felt some progress and after several more her head was out. Finally, her head was out. She was sunny side up, or face up. Her head had not contorted to fit nicely like Sawyer's head. On one hand, there was no cone head baby you had to cover with a hat but on the other, I had to push the biggest part of her head out first. THAT is why the pushing was so hard. That is why I was banging a square against a triangle.

A few more pushes and she was born. I was able to see everything. I was so aware, so awake, so not drugged. I felt like I had a million cups of coffee, she was upside down and slimy and gorgeous and with the biggest smile all I could say was, "I have a baby!"

This is where everything changed. The pain was gone and everything I could of wished for regarding a birth came true at this moment. She was (and still is) perfect. They placed her on my stomach and I got to rub her face and look into her eyes. She was waxy and amazing. She looked at me so aware like she knew what was going on. She looked around the room, she looked at her daddy. She was wide awake and I got to hang out with her skin to skin. We stayed like that while they stitched me up. We stayed like that for a long time. There was not one complication. No fever that needed to be treated with antibiotics, no heart rate dips, nothing. These things all happened during Sawyer's birth and they kept saying they might have to do a C-Section if his heart rate dropped more or if this or if that. All things they say are usually caused by an epidural, we were free of. Free of all complications. Free as she lay on my stomach, my daughter, my perfect little thing. We were all awake and fully aware, she was sooo aware of everything. She was incredibly gorgeous. I felt so in love instantly. I felt like all these natural chemicals were free to roam in my body and that this was exactly how it was suppose to be. Triangle against square, private parts on fire, curse words and missing sandwiches, it was this moment that made it all seem so meant to be, perfectly, hellishly meant to be.

Exactly one hour after arriving at the hospital, Charlotte Marion Strebel was born and we continue to fall head over feet for her each minute of every day.













He never stops with the kisses!



Pure heaven!



Weight: 5 pouns 15 ounces
Length: 19 inches long


The Afters: You guys ask for gory and I'll give it to you, think of this as the bonus DVD: The pushing on my stomach to deliver the after birth sucked pretty bad. It hurt. I kept pushing the nurse away. They gave me a local anesthesia before stitching me and tore a tiny bit in my perineum and tore on the side (Not sure how or where, haven't checked it out.) from her being face up. I got hemorrhoids from pushing that might have hurt the worst. I've never had hemorrhoids before and MAN they suck. It looked like I burst blood vessels all over my body because the few days following her birth I was purple, each dot of pigment on my skin was bright purple.

I thought if I was able to give birth without pain relief, I would think that I would have this new outlook on pain like, if I did THAT I can do ANYTHING but I felt so opposite afterword. I felt that after experiencing the horrific pain that is childbirth I didn't think I should ever experience pain again. I remember them pushing me from the delivery room to the recovery room thinking that I never wanted to feel pain again. I was done with pain, not a splinter, stubbed toe, popcorn kernel in the tooth, NOTHING!

I feel a lot better and feel like I'm healing WAY faster than I did after having Sawyer. I was surprised by how sore I was even right after having her. Gripping and pulling anything I could get my hands on left my biceps useless for two days. It was amazing to realize just how hard I was grabbing at things during contractions, labor left me more sore than any workout I've ever had. They never told me how many calories I burned but I totally recommend an epi free labor over an hour step class ANY DAY... calorie wise that is.

37 Weeks Pregnant

I had a dream last night that I was a contestant on some Amazing Race type show but for Interior Designers. I kept slowing down my team because I HAD to stop at each grocery store along the way to buy thumbprint cookies. (Ahh, those sound so good right now!) Basically, my team lost because I had to stuff my face with cookies.

Not so far off from reality when I sit down eating chips and salsa and think I have a moment of clarity when I imagine just blending up the chips and salsa so I can get it down my throat quicker. I have a problem.

I'm officially full term now and things are still on the boring side. The only interesting news I have is my blood pressure is rising. I was sure it was due to all the house stuff but now that we are here and I can relax, the BP is still rising and they found trace protein in my urine. Soooo, I just hope my BP doesn't rise much more and this little lady can stay in for a few weeks.

Oh, I'm also getting shooting pain in my inner thigh which I read is my pelvic bone not being aligned right now. Lovely.

Besides THAT stuff, all else is normal. WE moved and I'm carrying heavy things and painting the nursery a pink that dried way brighter than expected and being busy trying to make this house our home meaning I've been sucking on the blogging front.

I can't believe that on Monday I have TWO weeks until my due date! Sawyer came a week early sooooo, yeah. Wow, time is flyin' and all the things I want done before she comes are not even close to finished.

The doctor said since I'm in no hurry to have her, she wasn't going to even check for dilation because she didn't want to speed anything up or distract me from all the stuff I said I had to do before she came. I really love my doctor, no matter what I tell her, she is cool with it. I do feel like I'm dilating though and tell Geoff that my vagina is falling off. He just shrugs and says not to grow a penis. Men.

Oh, and I lost half a pound in the last two weeks. Shocker, right?

Okay, my head is all over the place, I have to finish painting, get the kid in a tub, head to Denver for play group, the the store, and Lowes and then back here where it's SNOWING! (Someone tell Colorado it's MAY!)

Love you guys! The real Holly will be back soon, promise!

32 Weeks Pregnant

I feel like Texas. You know, big.

Big with a love of Mexican food and a thing for country.

I like country music right now, did I tell you guys this? I don't know if I can blame that one on hormones but I am big. Very big. Everything is tight. I complain and Geoff says, "You are smaller than last pregnancy, I think you look great."

That is his job, to compliment me but guess what, the one pair of pants I have left from last pregnancy are SKIN TIGHT! It looks like I went to some club and had my outfit painted on. There is no difference between body paint and my clothes, you can see every flap of skin, each lovely lady lump. I had two buttons pop off my pants just this week. I mean, don't tell me that is okay! It's not okay!

I just want to wear my pajamas EVERYWHERE! I don't get Colorado, no one does that. It's pretty common in California, if you have cute PJ's, you can totally wear them out to run your errands. Work out wear is common there too but not here. People look at you strange, trust me, I've tried. But whenever I go back to L.A., half the population is in some type of cute comfy pant, with a mismatched cute top, hair perfectly tousled and big sunglasses. Why can't I pull that off Denver, WHY?!?! Okay, one more example on how I'm gaining weight at record speeds: I bought two maternity shirts just three weeks ago. Both shirts were too big, room to grow, and stretchy. Well my friends, they are stretched to their limit. I'm sitting in one of them right now, it won't even cover my back as I lean forward. This is truth.

My friend sent me a Hypnobirthing book to help prep for this all natural birth I envision. In preparation, I thought it would be good to sit on my husbands hips without giving him time to rearrange his man jewels and yell, "OOooochhh! This hurts, I don't think I can do it anymore. IDON'TTHINKICANLIVE!!!! MUST have EPIDURAL!!!!!"

He sort of just looked at me.

"Babe," I say, "this is practice for when I'm in pain. I want to do this without the epi, so you need to be all, 'You are strong, hear you roar, and crap'".

"Owwww!!!!" I yell again.

"I don't care what it costs, I'll pay you cash, give the girl some drugs... and can you please, ummm, well, you are a little heavy." He nods to the side of him, clearly wanting me off his man zone.

Sooo not what I had in mind.


Other things:

I got a surprise ultrasound today and the sister is INDEED a sister and HEAD DOWN!

Woo! Sooo good for this birth plan I've got going on in my head.

The doctor also kept saying how great her brain looked. Couldn't get over her brain and "Wow, she is going to be sooo smart!" I can only assume that means she has a big head and my vagina will indeed shatter like glass BUT not like I haven't experienced THAT one before.

Onto the pics!!!




(This one is actually from 31 weeks but I couldn't resist throwing in a picture of my niece!)

Project Imagination Nursery

Are you going to kill me if I start one more post, "When I was pregnant with Sawyer"?

Well, when I was pregnant with Sawyer (Ahhhhhhhhhh!), we had a roommate living in the second bedroom. He was super fun and I loved having him there but as most people know, a pregnant lady is filled with hormones.

Crazy, intense hormones that make you do stuff like scrub the floors on your hands and knees even though your stomach drags on the ground and you just scrubbed the floor the morning before and no one has even step foot on it.

AND, get the nursery ready.

The nursery is a big deal. People plan and sketch and search high and low for the most perfect crib sheet. People paint a room just to paint it over again because the color wasn't just right. Hang pictures just to relocate them and if and when everything is done, clean it again and again.

Because we have hormones that make us nuts. It's just fact and when you CAN'T nest, you become even nuttier.

That's where I come in, Holly, the girl who can't nest.

This is not unfamiliar to me in any way, like I was saying, when pregnant with Sawyer, we had a roommate, up until I was 31 weeks pregnant or EXACTLY WHERE I'M AT NOW and it KILLED me not to put a nursery together. I wanted to see the crib up and pick bedding and sit in the middle of the room letting it all sink in. I thought waiting until this point was a lot to ask of a hormonal woman but boy was I wrong.

Here I sit on the floor in the middle of a living room that isn't mine. Our couches are in storage, our everything but the essentials are in storage just waiting for this house to close. For nine months we have been waiting for this house to close. We thought we would be in by now and at this point, I just hope I'm in there before the baby comes. I sit here waiting, unable to create a nursery for my baby, a big boy room for my bigger baby and a house for us all to live in.

I think this is why Geoff bought me a sewing machine. It was like he knew I might internally combust and he would be left cleaning up the mess. A girl harboring a child has GOT to nest.

So, I nest in my imagination. I plan for what may be and hope it all comes together. I sew crib bedding, imitating the expensive bedding I can't afford and pick out paint colors in Lowes while Geoff purchases tools we need to fix all the issues in the house that isn't ours.

I present to you: Imagination Nursery

I fell in love with several crib bedding sets, all WAY more than we can afford and would EVER be willing to pay even if we could afford it. My biggest inspiration was this set:


I wanted the crib ties to be longer than the ties in the picture above and I wanted them to be light pink. I found no pink fabric pale enough to fit in well with the bright white linen fabric so chose a thin striped fabric of pink and white. I sewed the crib skirt in a matter of a few hours (not pictured) and the crib bumper in a matter of a few days. The fabric cost about $40 all together and I have extra pink and white fabric left over to sew curtain panels. I purchased a pale pink crib sheet for $6.00 and already have a white one from Sawyer so I can switch them out or see which looks best.

Behold the bumper. You have to IMAGINE it's in a crib. Remember this is Project Imagination...


I've never found a mobile I loved and the cost of them make me cringe. Seriously $50 and up? I don't think so. I found these fairies that hang from the ceiling at Pottery Barn Kids. I bought one of each color and plan to hang them above one side of the crib at separate lengths.


All the furniture is black, it's Sawyer's old stuff and we are on a budget. So, the colors are pale pink and white with sharp, contrasting black furniture. The walls will be light pink. On one wall, I want to buy some molding and do something like this:


Along the opposite will be the changing table and these flowers either floating up from the changing table or cascading down from the ceiling.


I was going to post all of this as one full post; from thought process, to planning to finished pictures. My taste are a little more extravagant than our wallet and if I can pull off an awesome looking nursery on (I think I spent under $90 so far.) a tight budget, I thought I would share! We are cutting it so close to the wire that once we are able to close, I'm sure I'll be bloggy absent for some time and knew I wouldn't have the energy to actually post my thoughts and plans during the move in process or right after baby so here is the post I won't be able to get to later. Basically, welcome to my head.

31 Weeks Pregnant!

(Week 31 with Sawyer. Photo by HickeyJames.com)

If this baby is anything like my cravings, I can skip all the breastfeeding worries and just fill her bottles with Cholula Hot Sauce. That's my girl!

Also, do you hit a new low when cat food commercials make you hungry?

But in all seriousness, am I really eight months? Wow.

The last few weeks went by without a problem. No acid reflux, no pains, no weird hormonal mind takeovers, just normal if you can say peeing every 3 minutes is on the normal side. This pregnancy really is as boring as it could be. I guess I don't have gestational diabetes since my doctor didn't mention anything in my last 3 second visit so all is good.

We still don't have a house meaning almost everything we own is locked up in some storage unit including all things baby: infant car seat, breast pump, crib, toys, blankets, clothes and more. To put it simply, that is a plea for this little girl to stay in as long as possible. Maybe go overdue... I'm just sayin'.


I was in and out of California this weekend for a wedding. I didn't tell anyone and knew I had no time to make visits so I'm pretty sure some people that read this are going to kill me. I still love you guys! Anyway, the flight to California was Hell. I mean, it was on time (shockingly) I sat closer to the back than the front (I miss first class.) and cramped liked crazy. The cramps actually hurt a bit, more than a bit, more like really uncomfortable, and non stop. I figured it would stop when we landed and thankfully they did. I just don't want to go into any sort of labor especially away from my husband! Well, 48 hours later, I was back on a plane and expecting the same thing. My uterus was much happier on the flight back, and surprised myself to wake up mid fight not recalling take off.

This girl is still incredibly strong. Geoff was feeling some movement last night and we laughed each time she kicked. She is so much stronger than Sawyer ever was and kicks me to the point where I feel pain. Geoff looked surprised after one specific kick and said, " WOW, I think she is pretty much ready to be born!" I won't say this often but don't listen to your dad on that one!

I'm back to eating pretty healthy. All I want is fruit and salads with the occasional soft chocolate chip cookie or eight.

Sawyer points to my stomach every time I ask him where his sister is and even pokes her with his sippy cup thinking he is giving her milk. Though his actions directed to her so far are cute, we aren't sure how he will really act when the attention is not on him every second of the day. During our last baking frenzy, we would turn to see Sawyer with his lego box on his head, screaming and running into walls. He'll do anything for our attention back so whatever stunts he pulls after this girl is out might be video camera worthy. I just need to remind myself to keep the batteries charged!

Everyone keeps asking if this is it. Umm, we really aren't sure. Geoff wants like a hundred kids and I don't know this is our last baby but an army of 100 sounds a little too, ummm, much? I think I for sure want another one but we'll take it as it comes. I've only had one kid, lets see how we handle two, geeze! BUT, I'm kinda thinking I want three: Sawyer can be the older spoiled one that gets all the new stuff and most of the love. Baby two comes along, she gets no special maternity pics or 4D ultrasounds, she gets hand me downs even if they are boy things, no sparkling stocking, and a complex about it all. We wait a while for baby three because lets face it, mommy needs some time to drink, and once we deicide to have baby three, we are all excited to have a baby again (It's been a while.) and she is super spoiled and her parents true BABY.

See how well we plan, in your face to everyone that said I wouldn't make a good parent!

Onto the mid section:






P.S. This is my first time on blogger (and most of the internet) in like 6 days. Forgive me while I play catch up! Love you guys!!!

28 Weeks!

Quote of the month:

"Wow, you look GREAT! I mean, you don't even look pregnant, you look like a regular fat person!"

Ummmm?


I'm officially in the third trimester, the last trimester, the top of the mountain. When a friend emailed to ask how I was doing, I replied that I could be pregnant for six more months, no problem, and this girl can get out all her sleepless nights in utero and come out all rested and ready to sleep through the night. Meanwhile, I can get all settled into that house I complain about. Of course this backfires and the next day I can't get comfortable to save my life and have 24 hour acid reflux. I was like, JUST KIDDING to all that and since then, I'm back to comfy. Basically, all that means is there is NO DOUBT a girl in my uterus and I think she is already on her period since she can't seem to take a joke. Wow, do I really have to deal with her when she is a teenager?


You know how else I know it REALLY is a girl? Remember all that weight I gained in just a few weeks? Eight pounds to be exact? Well, I went to the doctors today and gained just under two.

And I've been eating like CRAP just like I promised you guys. Chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes with frosting, loads of ciabatta bread dipped in olive oil and vinegar. I've been feasting just for experiment sake and apparently, she loves it because she didn't make me gain the weight of an elephant. Girls are SOOO weird, I could never be a lesbian, I don't even know how GUYS put up with us!

Lately I've had vagina on my mind. As in my vagina. I was just nervous it was going to hurt, and of course it's going to hurt, hello, it hurt SOOO bad after delivering Sawyer. I'm just not looking forward to that and I don't think I told you guys but I want to deliver all natural. Like without an epidural. No, I didn't just get done smoking something illegal, I've been thinking about this since I've found out I was pregnant, reading articles, and soaking up every natural birth story I can and still want to feel the birth. I want to experience labor old school style, I want to cut down my chances of having a C-Section and an epi for sure increases those chances and, well, I'm competitive. I feel like if the mom from 18 Kids and Counting can do it, I can too. I mean, hello, I should be WAY tougher than her, I exercise, I ran marathons, I used to do all sorts of crazy firefighting training, I can push out a baby without drugs right? Anyway, it's not the pushing or contractions that scare me, it's the sewing of your whoha (hooha, hooohah?) that scares me!

Vagina talk, aren't you excited?

With Sawyer, contractions sucked just like promised, they were two minutes apart for about a full day before I delivered but delivery was like two pushes. He was all, "GET ME OUT OF HERE!" and then peed on everyone. I mean, it was soooo fast. I pushed twice, looked down and saw a gooey, peeing baby. The doctors weren't even ready. BUT, they were sewing me up FOREVER. Seriously, could of been days they were down there and when they finished, every one and their mother came in to see the peep show and made sure it looked good. I'm not joking. I'm assuming this is totally normal and your vagina become the thing for every doctor and nurse to check out but I'm NOT looking forward to that without a little somethin' somethin'.

So I asked the doctor, "WHAT ABOUT MY VAGINA?!?!" And she was like, "huh?". After mentioning that I'm PRETTY SURE I want to go natural, but the thing that scares me the most is the stitching and WOW, did that hurt later; she assured me that they would not stitch me up without numbing me a little down there. I don't care what it takes, numbing or a lot of Vodka, I don't want to be totally aware down there when you are poking me.

One more thing you don't want to hear about but I have to mention... BOOBIES! My boobs are HUGE! Another one of our friends mentioned my big knockers to me and Geoff and said she was sure Geoff was loving it. But the truth I'm the one sticking them in his face making him look. I shake them at him until he takes notice. I thought this was a totally awesome bonus but they keep growing and now when I lay down, it feels like the one on top bunk has too much gravitational force and is pulling OUT my chest muscle. It's like Shin Splits of the Pecs and no thanks do I EVER want a boob job. Shaking them around in my husbands face is awesome but gravity is not. I now miss my smallish boobs. Come back!

I'm going to shut up now, I mean, is there anyone that actually kept reading after the 5th "vagina" word? Welcome to pregnancy!

Picture time!



Notice all the boxes? We still hold out hope that we will only be here for a few more weeks and to not get rid of the boxes. So, yeah, deal with it! :)

Love you guys!

P.S. Just read this birth story and fell in love with it.

26 Weeks

Every time I get sick I’m amazed by the human body. I mean, yeah, being pregnant is a miracle and the things the woman’s body can do is just incredible, beyond words but have you ever been sick and wondered, where the hell do all these bugers come from? I mean, non-stop, it’s crazy! A box of tissues a day?

Okay, so, yeah, I’ve been sick. It started with Sawyer, he got sick and just wanted to cuddle, which I would of LOVED if we weren’t in the middle of moving and instead of packing boxes and moving things out of our condo, I’m freaking out over his temperature and cuddling my little boy to sleep. Two days later, it hit me and I understood why he would cry every waking moment. He would follow me around crying until I would lay down with him or pick him up and not even a minute later he would be snoring. Once his bug hit me, I wanted to follow Geoff around crying. I wanted him to pick me up and let me fall asleep in his arms. The problem: we had no furniture, a deadline and were moving on virtually no man power. Some of Geoff’s friends helped out a few times and without them, I don’t know how we would of made it from the place we were in to the place we are now.

And there I go again, NOT talking about being pregnant so let me tie this all in somehow. The last few weeks I’ve been craving salads, fruits, veggies, anything and everything healthy. THEN, I got sick and didn’t have much of an appetite but my belly grew. It’s been getting bigger and bigger and BIGGER. Everything about me is getting bigger. My butt, my legs, my arms, my emotions, EVERYTHING! With all the junk I’ve turned down for spinach and asparagus, I wasn’t too nervous to step on the scale.

You know where this is going right?

I’ve been eating SPINACH!

Do you know how much I gained? Don’t eat your greens, skip the salads, SCREW EATING HEALTHY!

I gained EIGHT pounds in five weeks. EIGHT! How does that even happen?

I’ll tell you, losing your appetite after eating like a rabbit. Don’t do it, it’s overrated! After telling the doctor this, she laughed and said, I started out really small and she expected me to gain a little more than average but if I gain over 35pounds, she is going to get on me.

I only want to gain 30 and have already gained 20. I feel like I’m losing a game of chutes and ladders, like right before I stepped on the scale, I was at the square almost at the end, almost a winner and then I saw how much I gained and it’s like I slipped down the slide back to the beginning, back to loser-ville, but really it’s like gainer-ville cause I’m gaining all this weight. Whatever. I guess I just feel like I have a long way to go and no pound allowance in my fat bank. Ugh.

My new plan is to just eat raw cookie dough and chocolate almond milk. I mean, that was my Christmas diet and I didn’t gain that much. I’ll let you guys know how it goes!

We moved into an apartment right next to my husband’s work and we are here until we get a closing date on the house.

The house.

Remember that house that I talk about? Yeah, that. Anyway, they gave us a closing date but we all know they are liars and I don’t believe a word they have to say. Until keys are in hand, I don’t believe anything SO we are in this like, temporary place and I got all bad attitude on it and then I saw some bugs and then had DREAMS that bugs were crawling all over my eye balls and I wanted out! I wanted into OUR house. Not this apartment. So, I killed a bug I found yesterday and Geoff was like, “ WHY did you kill it?” after I asked if he was proud I didn’t cry to him making him do it.

“Because it’s a bug and its gross so I smashed it!”

“If you just asked me to do it, I would of just placed the little bug outside.”

I told you guys my husband is WAY too nice.

“Babe,” I said “what if you put the bug outside and it creeped back in and had a million babies in our house? A MILLION babies! Bugs do that you know! Aren’t you happy I smashed it? They are so rude to just spew their babies out and walk away and expect US to deal with all their offspring, I don’t think so! What if I broke into someone’s house and spewed out a million babies on their rug and just walked away. WALKED AWAY and they had to deal with my million babies all doing stuff in their house?!

“I would puke if you did that.”

Okay, case closed, KILL THE BUGS!

So we are here and there is no internet and I’ve been missing on the world wide web but in place, I’ve been sewing some spiffy crib bedding for this baby girl in fatty mommy and the sewing is making my attitude a little less sour. Who would of thought?

Okay, I’m note even making sense anymore. I need to stop embarrassing myself. This WAS suppose to be a pregnant update right?

Ummm:
I feel good when I’m not sick.
She still kicks me a lot.
I’m afraid she is really a he and I made a song for my current and maybe future son.

To the tune of Daughters by John Mayer:

Fathers be good to your sons.
Sons will love like you do.
Or else, sons become players and end up like John Mayer
So mothers be good to your little guys too.



I love you little girl (or sneaky boy), stop making me gain so much weight, keep up your fun wiggles, sorry about all the salad, I’ll never do it again and please, WHATEVER you do, don’t end up like John Mayer.

Love, your mommy.

Now check out how HUGE I am, it’s like a circus side show!




Please excuse our boxes and half crib and whatever else in the pictures, honestly I have no intention of organizing in here.

23 Weeks!

Yesterday I went to Joanns to grab some fabric (more to come), and Geoff text me asking if I wanted to meet him for lunch. I LOVE meeting my husband for lunch. We live downtown, and he works in the suburbs about 25 minutes away. Before we grabbed a bite to eat, we end up checking out some nice apartments right by his work to see if they would lease month to month.
An hour later, we signed a lease, Geoff was back at work and I was on my way home. Hungry but with a place lined up to live.

Just like that, we have a place to go. This is nice, this should be a bit relieving right? For some reason, setting this in stone cemented the fact that moving was going to be annoying. This whole process is going to suck. We are moving twice, I'm just a few weeks away from the third trimester and now we have an apartment rented on the THIRD floor with no elevator. Extra pounds plus wiggly toddler, plus diaper bags, groceries, all going upstairs OUTSIDE in freezing Colorado weather. THEN I realized that when our lease is up, I'll be 4 weeks away from my due date. FOUR WEEKS! That means I could go into labor anytime really, but hey, lets pair that with another stressful move almost 3 thousand feet higher in altitude. Yeah, it's a party... not. I'm stealing this from someones comment: I was having a sand in the vagina kind of moment.

Geoff took my attitude as being a little nervous. Of course he detected it while they were running background checks on me and wondered if I had anything to hide. Besides that warrant out for my arrest (not joking), I'm clean babah! I guess I was nervous though. We are going from the middle of downtown to the middle of suberbia central and then up to the high country all while in my third trimester and then I had the urge to slap myself. There are people buried under ruble in Haiti in their third trimester. So, I shut up.


Oh, one more complaint, when I got home, the whole right side of my back just hurt. An achy, lifted too much, sat weird, can't even wipe the counter because it hurts too much sort of pain. Strangely, it went away after sitting in the movie theater watching Lovely Bones. I think sitting down, relaxing, without Sawyer for the first time in months did wonders. It's amazing what two hours of non-mom time can do for the good!

But I'm suppose to talk about being pregnant right? I mean, that is the theme of this pregnancy: WHAT, I'm pregnant? Didn't even notice! I don't know if it's because I'm already momming it up to a toddler, if I'm just too busy or if this pregnancy is way too easy. I have no updates. She is strong, she kicks me a lot. She pushes me from my side to my back while sleeping but I already told you that. I feel huge. I'm back to wanting salads and fruit and hope this last longer than a few days. I think my body really needed the roughage.

I started working on the crib bedding I want to sew. It's funny that almost everyone talked about how much of a project this was and I didn't agree. When I was in high school math classes, I would always do the hardest problem first on my homework so the rest seemed easy. I don't think this was the best approach but it made sense in my tiny head. I think I accidentally approached sewing the same way, I have the crib skirt almost done and it took MAYBE two hours. Either, I'm really awesome or this bedding is going to SUCK! I do think that anything compared to that stocking is a freakin' cake walk! Sewing can't bring me down! THEN I thought about one of the girls I met at playgroup the other week. She was told she was having a girl and out popped a boy. What if I do this awesome crib bedding and, surprise, it's a boy? He is going to sleep in the prettiest pink and white bedding, that is what!

Onto the belly:



(Sorry the picture quality and my outfit are so crappy!)


Love you guys to the end of the universe!

This Morning's Menu

MUFFINS!


I think it's time I stop stretching the hell out of my jeans and get into the maternity stuff or someone might get hurt... or lose their lunch, one of the two.

21 Weeks!

It's weird that this thing in me is a girl. I keep calling her a him, then I'm like, "uhhh herrrrrr, I meant HERRRRRRRRR", you know, like a rapper. And while we are totally psyched she is a she, I didn't shop as quickly as people expected. I finally did buy something a few days ago and check it out. It's so frilly, it's actually atrocious. I am sure this outfit will not be cute in any way on any baby but in order to keep my word in buying the frilliest crap I can find, I had to purchase this thing.

Behold the pink attack that will indeed cause other babies to make fun of her. Your welcome daughter. I am currently saving for your therapy bills.


She kicks too. She kicks the CRAP out of me. My stomach shakes and changes shapes, one night I couldn't get comfortable, it felt like she was standing on my spine and when I rolled onto my back, I noticed the right side of my stomach was concave the the left was sticking up much higher and hard, it really looked like she was trying to push her head up out of my skin. It was amazing and weird. I know I already told you guys but when I had the ultrasound and they told me the placenta is in the front blocking movement, I was totally shocked. I have not felt this type of movement with Sawyer (placenta also in front) until I was at least around 30 weeks and it doesn't feel like ANYTHING is blocking this girl's movement, I feel like a piece of tissue paper is between me and the bottom of her foot! This girl is one strong lady and I'm scared what those movements are going to feel like when she weighs more than 11 ounces!

Two days ago, I was telling Geoff that she was kicking the living crap out of me. He said, what a B! (He said the full word but I'll just shorten it.) I laughed and agreed. I now call her my little B.

This week I've noticed I became incredibly tired. About every other day I need a nap. A long nap. Sunday I took a THREE HOUR NAP! Who does that?! This was suppose to end in the fist trimester. Damn B. (Kidding, love you!)

I'm only a little over half way there and feel huge. Feel the constant need to eat and sometimes have to take deep breaths in because I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen. At 5,200 feet up and acclimated, I'm not worried about my oxygen intake but the later I get into pregnancy and the later we close on this house, the more worried I become. I don't want to move at nine months pregnant and the doctor insisted I have (I think she said) six weeks of taking it super easy; no exercise, lots of rest, tons of water and not lifting anything heavy. The house is 8,000 feet altitude and while I never felt the effect visiting it, who knows what I'll feel with compressed lungs and an ultimate fighter in my uterus. Don't the banks know that my uterus is waiting for a closing date? HAVE THEY NOT DEALT WITH MY UTERUS BEFORE?!

Oh and names! Are you guys crazy?! You are all asking me about names. Let me give you a peek into life right before Sawyer...

Me: What about -this- name?
Geoff: Hate it. What about -this- name?
Me: Hate it. What about -this- name?
Geoff: Hate it. What about -this- name?
Me: Hate it.
(Insert whatever name you feel like in -this-)

Get it? That is how our name conversations went, for NINE months? Do you know how Sawyer got his name? Let me enlighten you. I knew Geoff shot down the name before but thought I would give it another shot. Goeff shockingly didn't shoot it down. We had the name Kyle somewhat set. It was the only name Geoff liked that I didn't hate and Geoff only liked it because the name is in Terminator. TERMINATOR! Are you seeing what I'm up against?

Well, Geoff liked Sawyer because it's in some rock song but thought it was too weird to be a first name. Whatever, we have a first and a middle and we are both somewhat happy. A few days later, we head to a bar with one of his friends and sit on the patio. We told Geoff's friend that we finally have a name, Kyle Sawyer. Geoff's friend liked Sawyer better, I agreed so Geoff stopped some people walking by the bar and decided to ask them. "Sawyer Kyle or Kyle Sawyer? And remember, this is our future son's life!"

Needless to say, strangers walking by the bar decided our sons name and you think we have a girls name yet? I'll leave that responsibility up to the drunks, thank you.

Onto the gut!






Love you guys!!!

The BIG Ultrasound

I went to the doctors yesterday for just a checkup. The doctor walked in and Sawyer started SCREAMING! He thought he was getting shots and when he saw me on the table instead of him, he went into full on protective mode! Every time the doctor tried to touch me, Sawyer would scream and smack her hand away. Immediately, I thought, I can do another boy, this protective stuff is pretty cute.

That was it. I was now happy with a boy.

I was going to wait until we had the pictures scanned but we are a little slow in that department.

Ultrasound: Legs were crossed tightly and only opened twice. The tech had to be quick, in and out. We were surprised to see a vagina in there! Yup, we are having a GIRL! YEAH! I'm pretty convinced there was a boy in there until yesterday when I mentally was fine with a boy. What? You don't think that is possible? You nay sayer!

So, there it is. Pictures might come later if I gain enough energy after cleaning our house for another showing today.

Her room is going to look like the color pink threw up. Exciting!

19 Weeks!

I think I might be a little more normal. You know, like not as crazy? Ummm, okay, so I don't FREAK out like I did a few weeks ago, that means I'm not as crazy right? RIGHT?!?!

I feel good, great in fact. I think I'm ready for a party. Anyone want to invite me to your parties? I had a dream last night that I went out with two friends and came home WASTED. Geoff was soooo mad and I didn't know why. Then it hit me, oh yeah, I'm pregnant. That is how I feel, like I get a kick to the uterus and I go, oh yea, I'm pregnant. Sweet!

Speaking of dreams, I have sex dreams all the time! They are awesome. I heard of these things before and did not have any last time but hello, I like this baby SOOOOOOO much better already. (Kidding Sawyer, don't get your diapers in a knot!) I know, TMI.

Want to know more TMI? Farts. I don't get those girls that never fart in front of their significant other. EVERYONE FARTS! The other day Geoff and I were watching something and someone said, "I'm just sharing my love." No big deal until I'm about to rest my head on Geoff's lap and he's like, "I don't know if you want to do that, I'm about to share my love." It was sooooo funny. Needless to say, I've been sharing my love a lot lately. A lot. (How sexy am I?)

One other word: CHOCOLATE! Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about it. It's all I want. I wake up and want it, give in to temptation and want more. One Friday, after a few days of no chocolate, I went to playgroup early knowing the mom that hosted baked double chocolate muffins. I ate two and she sent me off with a few squares to put in my purse in case I had another, gasp, chocolate drought. If there is no chocolate within my reach for a few days and you mix some cocoa with snot, I might consider eating it. Really. And this all happened about two days after I told my friend I had no cravings. What a sucker I am for saying that! Anyway, I'm thinking curvy is in anyway? Isn't it? I'm working on getting WAY curvy.

Yeah, this whole thing is flying by. I'm sure having a toddler helps, this guy is crazy and I don't have time to remember that I'm pregnant and should sit, or not have him jumping on my stomach like a trampoline. He thinks this thing under my skin is some sort of new toy he should river dance on. He's going to make a great big brother.

Onto the curves.





P.S. 6 more days until the big ultrasound! Until then... chocolate!

16 Weeks!

In one sentence: I'm a nut job.

I am. I'm just psychotic when I'm pregnant. I know that I get crazy with child, and was fully aware I would morph into a monster, it's just incredible that my husband had to deal with me before and willingly did this to me again. I feel so bad for him but I think he remembers how I am pregnant. I'm not that smily, shiny little pregnant lady with her pregnant glow looking all cute. I'm the girl you back away from, like you SEE the evil in her eyes like an angry wild animal and you BACK AWAY SLOWLY before she mauls you alive. No joke, that is me. See, I'm so overdue for a post and I started many but something would come up, I get distracted and by the time I go back my attitude has done a 180 and the bipolar post doesn't really work out or make sense and I delete and go on with my day looking for innocent people to step into my cage.

I need one of those things that go over a dogs mouth so it doesn't bite, only for me, it will prevent me from speaking. Do they sell that at Motherhood?

One example and I'll move on, promise. So, I'm not a self conscious person, I don't get jealous but lately I have been, my stomach is getting bigger, I never wear makeup, my hair is always in a messy up do, I lounge in comfy pants and I'm not cute right now. There is this stupid pub that opened near us and the girls were these outfits so slutty they make Hooters look like a Mormon church and my husband met the boys there for drinks the other day. He knows I'm not a big fan of the place, I heard their food sucked, okay they have like a million beers on tap but screw the beer, SCREW THE BEER, right? Anyway, lately I've felt like he was keeping a secret, being kind of weird and I didn't like it. I thought it could be a good secret but then let my hormones get the best of me and now Tiger Woods is a man slut, and Geoff went to this pub and WHAT IS THE SECRET and WHY ARE WE THE COUPLE THAT KEEPS SECRETS?! I just imagined our life going down the drain and it made me cry, it make me mad, it made me fangs out FURIOUS so after a nice little dinner last night, I freaked out on him and asked why he was keeping secrets and he is being all sneaky and I don't like it, and -SOB- I DON'T want to sit on the bed with you when I'm pissed SECRET KEEPER!

Turns out he was, and it was a good one and he was just trying to surprise me for Christmas and now I ruined it.

Then I felt really bad and just cried for a good thirty minutes. Non stop tears. I tried to play some of them off as something being in my eye but that excuse didn't work. So, GO me, the evil pregnant wife that ruins Christmas for MYSELF. Ugh.

On a non evil note, I feel great! I haven't had a headache in like a week, I got to hear the heartbeat at my appointment, the doctor keeps telling me how much she loves me cause I'm super healthy and this pregnancy is gong to be so easy (She better not of jinxed it!), and I FEEL KICKS!

Woo-hoo movement! My favorite part of it all.

We have our scan booked. Sawyer looks at my tummy, signs 'baby' and gives my tummy a kiss. Does it get any cuter?

Geoff said not to worry if I don't feel movement all the time, "You're only, what, 8 or 9 weeks?" Umm, baby, make that 16, in a few weeks, we'll be at the half way point. He looked shocked an maybe a little scared after that like my water was about to break on his new shoes.

Again, it's going fast, I forget I'm pregnant most of the time and still want a margarita. My doctor said I can have a sip. A sip? What is the point, I need a fishbowl.

So, I'm good, as long as I keep tormenting the innocent to make myself feel better because that is the kind of mature person I am.

Onto the tummy!!!!






Told you my outfits these days are just fabulous.

Peace, love and baby rhinos,

Me

12 Weeks!

Two weeks since my last prego update. Geeze, I know I talk about how fast time is flying, but wasn't I just ten weeks yesterday?! I love that this is going by fast, the last pregnancy inched ever so slowly, soooooooooo slowlllllly.

Food just doesn't sound good. I'm surrounded by every restaurant possible and nothing sounds good. It's noon, I just taught a kick butt hour long fitness class, basically I'm starving and have no desire to eat. BUT, I'm not barfing up anything and THAT is nice, I also haven't had a headache in about a week and THAT is nice as well. Things are nice!

The un-nice thing however is probably me. It's amazing how incredibly powerful hormones are, they take over your body like an alien invasion and there is nothing you can do. I'm pretty verbal, I tell people how I feel, I'm don't beat around the bush but PREGNANT and hormonal and CRAZY, I really let people know what I'm thinking. I'm going to count my friends and then count them after this little one is born and see how many I lost. Anyone want to start a poll?

Onto the belly pics avec shirt.



I swear the thing keeps getting smaller. Are you okay in there rhino???

Love you guys! Please stay my friend through my hormonal peaks!!!

Bump and Grind

I have had some serious headaches lately, headaches that turn into migraines that turn into a night cuddling the toilet bowl and let me tell you, in no way does it compare to Geoff! I had a few headaches with Sawyer but so far these are worse. Would I rather have the headaches or the constant nausea? I think headaches. If I actually had the energy to record and post what is going on at my house, right this minute, maybe those headaches would be explained. Let me give you a glimpse: Sawyer yelping in glee running on hardwood floor pushing one of those old fashion wood 'popper' toys. Know what I'm talking about? Now, you read the hardwood floor part right? No? I can't hear you, IT'S TOO DAMN LOUD!

But I'm at week TEN, yay, week TEN! Tuesday I went into the doctor and right away saw that I gained almost four pounds -pause- in FOUR WEEKS!!! My last doctor would of been all, 'You know you should gain TOPS 30 pounds and each unnecessary pound is REALLY hard to take off after birth and so many people NEVER GET RID OF IT!!!' This doctor was like, 'Okay, whatever.' and with all my might I tried not to hug her. All my tests came back perfect and when she didn't hear the heartbeat with the doppler, I got an extra mini ultrasound (At my request of course, I'm happy until I see the bill), and saw a moving, twitching thing wrapped in what looked like pillow fluff. So, rhino has a heartbeat still and that makes me happy. After all that, I got the H1N1 vaccine. OMG, vaccines, the vaccine debate, AHHHHH!!!!! Yup, I got it. After reading that out of 100 pregnant woman hospitalized with H1N1, 30 DIE, I was like give it to me! So there it is, if rhino has four heads it's because, OMG, I got the H1N1 Vac.

Moving on, my bump got a lot smaller, it might be that four pounds I added around the sides making it LOOK smaller. Yeah, that's a reason to gain weight, right? No, really, RIGHT?!?!




Peace, love and NO caffeine, NO raw fish, NO medicine, NO cold cuts, NO alcohol, and lots of other NO things,


Me and baby R

Baby Rhino Update

I feel like I suck at things lately.

There are bits of food on the floor that won't come off with a swipe of the broom because they have been there too long. I'm just too tired to sweep every five minutes and when you have a one year old, you must sweep every five minutes.

I freaked out and planned an emergency coffee break in lieu of our Moms Club Meeting because the meeting was the next day and I didn't even realize it... then someone wrote me saying that the meeting was actually next week. I was looking at the wrong month.

I've been too tired to do anything but day dream about naps and food and sometimes when I am actually ABLE to get a nap in, I'm too busy thinking about food. Once it was so bad, I almost got up to check the cost of flights to the nearest Trader Joe's. Hear that, we don't have a Trader Joe's and it's ruining my life. I'm a little too off my rocker to realize that booking a flight just to go to a grocery store is a little nuts and only stop myself because we are saving money for a house.

Speaking of 'house', there is still no news. I thought pregnancy hormones were going to make me nuts and completely impatient and while they may have made me nuts, on the flip side I am incredibly patient (unless it comes to sleep or food) and can totally play the waiting game for this house. I think it also has something to do with me not feeling so hot now (I know, point, laugh, say you told me so.) yes, I've thrown up, but that hasn't been too bad, it's these headaches that don't go away for days, DAYS! I'm jJust not in a clean house, decorate house, pack house sort of state (Or proof read state I guess. Did you see that jJust?!) . So, I'll wait until the next crazy hormones kick in, those 'nesting' ones.

I'm fat. Remember those headaches I was talking about? They hampered everything and I realized the only way to keep them at bay is to eat before I start to get even 1/4 hungry. Basically I eat every hour. It's pathetic and my fat pants are already fitting me snugly. Hi weight gain, my name is Holly, I think we are going to be close friends...

I'm not complaining. I'm extremely happy and feel extremely thankful... and pretty scared. I have had several friends go through miscarriages lately that have not told anyone else. I think more moms lose a baby than we realize and it makes me feel that I have a high chance of losing this one. It scares me. I cry each time I hear these stories, I'm sooo incredibly sad for these mommies. I can't imagine the pain and there is no right thing to say. So, I'm incredibly thankful to be able to feel the pregnancy headaches, the thighs rub together, the crumbs on the hardwood floor and the desire to book flights for a shopping trip, I'm thankful. Thank you Rhino, stay in there!!!