Going Old School

Several years back I was Hell Bent on writing a book. I thought my life was interesting enough for people to not only want to read, but to invest money in and then read. I guess I really love myself! Seriously, wanna buy my book?! Anyway, I came across a few of my notebooks and actually made myself giggle. Maybe it's because anything in the past about yourself makes a person laugh like, what in the world was I thinking?! So, thought I would post a few things from my "book". See, funny already huh??? Here goes nothin'

-Written while living with Victoria and Kari (Also known as Psycho) in Chicago, trying to get my mind off the storm-

My roommate Victoria calls me the goldfish. She says it because I am distracted by shiny things. Not that it's the shininess of the 'thing' that distracts me, as it is just the things in general. I'm trying to tell a story and a song I like comes on over the radio. The story is then replaced by me lip singing but not the quiet kind, but the kind where it's not silent at all, rather it's me thinking I can sing the song better than so and so, so I sing louder to prove how awesome of a vocalist I am. Well, after coaching gymnastics and teaching aerobics since I was 18 my vocal cords are pretty much shot. OR, as a friend says, they sound clumsy. He's a vocal coach, so what does he know?! Point is, I get distracted, which reminds me, I HATE THUNDER! Well, I hate several things, bananas, flaky coconut, stomach aches, animal hair, ugly things, traffic in California and THIS thunder storm.

I need to call Victoria.

She answers, "What's up?"

"Well, thunder can't do anything to you right? Well, it's like third grade science, I KNOW it can't, but it can't like touch you or hurt you cause this crap is scary! It's like whole towns are blowing up and it's getting closer, like the thunder is chasing after me and not going to stop till it wins, and most things don't scare me but, AHHH, RIGHT THERE! Did you hear that?!?! I'm afraid the windows will shatter any second!"

Victoria explains thunder, the charged air, the reason for lightning and blah, blah, blah. I see it starts to rain which I also don't like becuase I WAS going to go running and now with this torrential downpour and the sounds of World War III, I can't step outside, I'm not even safe INSIDE! The thunder with my sort of luck will GET me. It will be the first time in history, I can see it now in the papers, Scientific Mystery! Thunder Kills Female, 24 years old. Friends say she led a charmed life. Well, they better say something nice. I interupt Victoria,

"Hey V, if I die, you have to say something good, like I was the funniest person you knew, OH, and pictures, don't choose one of those I'm having a fat day/month/year picutures, well, hey, I'll choose the pictures for you!"

"UH, WHAT?"

"Well, just in case, you know, with this whole thunder thing and all. Anyway, good talking to you, got to go."

I hang up the phone and am now sorting through old pictures.