I Scream

Last night Geoff mentioned that he wanted to try breast milk ice cream.

Guess what I'll be churning up this week?

Raise your hand if you just gagged on a little vomit. Don't worry, I'll save you guys a bowl!

Get your mind out of the gutter.

I might have to code some of this so my blog doesn't get classified as starts with a 'P' rhymes with corn.

Because it's NOT that kind of blog.

I mean I think I've said "vagina" enough for the rest of this blog life but it's not often that I say

Ummmm,

penis?

Can I say that?

Whatever, this is NOT a dirty post, this is science.

SCIENCE people.

Geoff and I were in the hot tub the other night and he was talking and talking and talking.

Maybe he was talking about gas prices, the future of our economy, his status at work, our family.

I have no clue. I couldn't focus on what he was saying because I had no idea whether a penis floats or sinks.

Seriously. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I had to stop him and ask. Don't men know EVERYTHING about their own, uhhh, stuff?

So I asked him. I said, "Okay, you have to stop talking, I don't hear you, I can't concentrate, all I want to know is if your penis floats."

You should of seen the look on his face and guess what?!?! He didn't know! He NEVER wondered if his manhood floats or sinks. He said it just hangs out but NOTHING just hangs out, I mean, things float or sink right?

I was going to suggest scientific testing but he suggested something else.

So being the patient person I am, I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

A WHOLE WEEK PEOPLE.

And guess what I found out last night? They are floaters.

If you are ever in a Titanic situation and there aren't enough life vests, find yourself and man and hold onto his junk.

Basically this blog saves lives.

Short Sales, Pigeons and Fake Boobies, Oh My!

Currently our kitchen looks like I burned something. You know when it's a little smokey, lines aren't as clear and it could just be your eyes getting old and not burnt toast? I didn't burn anything but insulation dust is coming down from the attic...where we are getting new insulation.

Why is this a big deal? Well, I'm over it. I'm over all our housing issues. We are renting and this price tag for insulation is not ours to pay but what is money compared to your health? Recap: We moved out of our condo and into an apartment in hopes to be here a few short weeks until we close on the short sale.

The short sale from hell.

My baby has never been sick a day in his life and since we lived into this new apartment, I've been dealing with illness. Yesterday I woke to throw-up all over his bed, then later in the day I was cleaning throw up off OUR bed and then again off the dining room floor. Green snot runs down his face. My boy is healthy but something tells me this apartment isn't. This place we live in is nice, it really is, but there is a pigeon problem. There are bug problems. There were feathers spewing from the vents onto our living room floor. After putting it all together: feathers and bugs and sickness, we complained-or I should say, we brought up this situation and they reacted quickly. Our vents are suppose to be sealed after finding pigeons living in them. All the insulation was torn out and today is being replaced. They say after today, we should see no more bugs, no feathers, no crap. It's just a little scary that a place you live in, the air you breath all day and all night was being ventilated through pigeon poop and feathers. The rats of the sky were living right above our heads and crapping in our ventilation system. As one of the workers cleaning out our attic says, the place was "BAD...two dead birds and trash bags full of shit." Nice, right?

We were offered a place to go tonight if the insulation bothers us, and now I know we are taking them up on that offer but as my puking boy went down for a nap before the kitchen situation was pointed out, I sit here and wait. I need to pack our stuff, get all the things we need for a night, including laptops for my hubbie's work, diapers, wipes, toys, food, etc and I'm spent knowing AS I think about the tasks ahead, I'm breathing in particles that are unhealthy for me, the 27 week old that resides within my uterus and my toddler boy.

We shouldn't have to deal with this. Since we have lived here, we've been inconvenienced. I don't need to be inconvenienced anymore than I already am waiting for this house to close.

Intermission: Are you really sticking by me while I complain? You are SUCH a good friend and I will buy you a beer.

The short sale: the further we get, the more hoops we have to jump through. My biggest piece of real estate advice to anyone and everyone is to NOT BID ON A SHORT SALE. I'll try to shorten my newest update. They are trying to get us a different type of loan so we don't have to put 20% down, that new loan requires a new inspection with a working kitchen. Fathom that, a WORKING kitchen! Since the owners (The male of the house is a CHRISTIAN author) STOLE the appliances, we must purchase more FOR A HOUSE WE DON'T OWN. Forgive my all in caps yelling, I'm a little pissy. The propane tank needs to be filled so the power is on and guess who pays for that? OH, and in order to get anyone there, we need to plow the driveway but that can't happen until we get access to the house and we can't get that access. Then, the loan people say they don't give out loans to people buying their second (or third, or whatever number besides first) house after January 1st, 2010 even if you can afford it and qualify. Too bad. THEN, we realized there are ways around that, like if your family is too big for your first house, then they WILL loan to you for a second. They will loan to us because we were irresponsible and got knocked up in a place too small but not because we have great credit and can afford it. Is this backwards to you? I mean, sure, lets all reward bad behavior, go AMERICA. ( I told you I'm pissy.) The second lien holder decided it wants more money and the owners couldn't afford it, so the realtors took a big commission cut and are paying off the second lien holder so they will approve the short sale so we can all close. Did you read that right, the REALTORS are paying off the 2nd lien holder. Yeah, true story. After all this, still no word from the second lien holder, our realtor is growing more and more upset and the guy in the middle (our negotiator) that is suppose to get things done, talk to the banks, keep us informed, yada-yada but can't spell a word to save his life and sends tweets to, you aren't going to believe this, SPENCER PRATT! True story, I googled our negotiator and was not surprised to find, he describes his negotiating and closing style as "patient". No crap, he's patient, I have other words I can describe his style with but will bite my tongue. For craps and giggles though, let me give you a lil chunk of his blog, you'll love this...

"Fannie Mae is now condusting their own appraisals behind those the lender or servicer orders. Fannie takes its own seet time to get this done, too. "

"We have to determine that we are here to hel pa public understand where we are..."

So, yeah, you get the picture. This is our negotiator's professional blog, this is the guy that closes the deal, and he can't even proof read... probably because he's shooting the S with Speidi. Nice.

Perhaps our negotiator and the prior owner, aka: Christian author, can get together and internet stalk Heidi's fake tits and let the rest of us actually get something done. In the meantime, I've got to pack.. again.

Dairy Sucks Part 2. Yay, lets all drink cancer!

Okay, okay, milk sucks. Did you know this? NO? What, you were told that it was good and supplies your bones calcium and is vital to your diet? Can I ask WHO told you this? Did you ever ask yourself? No, you were just following the leader. Wow, very brave of you.

You've been lied to, you've been a sucker to the diary industry, a FOR PROFIT industry PROFITING from your blind obedience. Congrats.

Yeah, it's crap. Dairy is crap. Dairy is NOT vital to your diet, it's HORRIBLE for you, promotes disease, weight gain, and more including the growth of cancer. Hear that? CANCER! It helps cancer GROW and you still put it on your burgers, pour it in your cereal, melt it on your pizza. Is it worth it?

If you haven't read my first blog regarding dairy and have a few minutes, go here. To sum it up, I was outraged the doctors were telling me I needed to supplement Sawyer's 100% breastfed diet for man made, chemical loaded formula, formulated from NASTY, puss filled cows milk. I refused. (Yes people, you have a choice in your child's diet, the doctors don't own you.) It was a post/rant informing you some of the diary evils including the puss count you are drinking, the hormones the cows ingest to produce that milk, the calcium that is not going to your bones and more. I will most likely repeat some information here so deal with it, you probably need to hear it again anyway.

I'm pretty passionate about dairy and am not shy to share my views. When I was young I got migraines sometimes several times a week where I would be throwing up. I would have to lay in my room, all lights off, no one talking, and sit in pain. I didn't understand what was wrong with me and wanted someone to open my head and fix what was not working like it should. Little did I know, after too many visits to the doctors, I would be diagnosed as allergic to dairy. I cried. I cried long and hard and didn't want to give up all the meals I knew and loved. My family had me stop dairy and the headaches went away. Later I added dairy back into my diet only to remove it once I got to college, where I started my health obsession. I met someone who was anti-dairy who gave me a book regarding general health. One chapter focused on the diary industry and after several pages I was hooked. I threw myself into all sorts of books, read all the research papers I could and wrote many papers myself for different classes. The thing that moved me most to educate the people around me regarding dairy is this; most people can generally agree that refined sugar is not good for us. We see a cookie and know it won't be the best thing for our bodies but make an educated decision on whether we want to eat it or not. Most people look at milk and think it is good for them, that they are doing their bodies good when nothing can be further from the truth. My goal is for you to look at what you eat, know what it will do to your body and THEN make and educated decision. If you choose to continue dairy, so be it, but know what you are getting yourself into.

First, remember this, WE DON'T NEED MILK unless we are babies!!!! Are you a baby? Baby! Think about it for a second, we are born, milk fills our mothers boobies and we drink from her. When we choose to be done, we are done. We shouldn't go back and 90-95% of us don't have the enzyme Lactase to digest Lactose (the sugar found in dairy) to digest it anyway!!! We are almost ALL lactose intolerant and can show it in many different ways. You are forcing toxins onto your system, and onto your childrens' system. What is worse, we force ourselves and our loved ones to drink the milk from some other animal and you all freak out when a mom breastfeeds a baby that isn't her own?! Not that I can do it, but it's more natural than downing a glass of cows milk!!! When a kitten is born, its mom's numerous boobies fill with milk and the kittens drink. When they are done, they are done. Milk supplies vital nutrients for your offspring and when your offspring is done with milk, their body is done as well. Do you feed cat milk to you puppy, monkey milk to your rabbit? The entire animal kingdom does not go back to milk after weaned, just us, humans, perhaps the dumbest animal of all. Not only do we go back to milk, we decided to go to a cow for our milk supply only because people TOLD US TO, an industry that is trying to make money told you to do so, and did you listen? You are a sucker!!!! If you want to continue milk, at least go back to your mom, the human milk, the milk that was FORMULATED for our bodies, the milk protein that DOES not cause harm to our systems, go for it, suck away kids.

The reality is, our bodies want nothing to do with diary.

Having fun yet? Listen to what you are pouring into your body:

Following more than 75,000 women over the course of twelve years, The Harvard Nurses' Study showed that milk was NOT shown to have a protective effect on bones, the study revealed that dairy products were associated with an increased risk of fractures.

According to The journal of Gerontology, American women over fifty have among the highest rates of hip fractures in the world. The only countries with higher rates are those that consume more milk.

Milk does not do your bones good. In fact, it's quite opposite. The large role calcium plays in your body after the age of maturity is to take your body from an acidic level and make it neutral so food can pass through your digestive tract. Dairy is soooo acidic, it actually takes calcium FROM your bones to digest dairy. Isn't that nice?

Want to know what else an acidic environment causes? Cancer!!! Oh joy! A Harvard study found that when women with low enzyme levels consumed dairy on a regular basis, their risk of ovarian cancer was up to THREE TIMES GREATER!

Heard of The China Study by Dr. T. Colin Campbell? One of the most comprehensive studies of diet and nutrition ever in history, spanning twenty years time, citing from more than 750 references and partnering with Cornell University, Oxford University and the Chinese Academy of Preventative Medicine? Dr. Campbell's published study says diary can cause "heart disease, diabetes, asthma, obesity, osteoporosis, kidney stones, cataracts, macular degeneration, multiple sclerosis, Alzheimer's, and breast, prostate, colon and rectal cancer." During his extensive research, he found that protein had a huge effect on cancer, "What protein consistent and stongly promoted cancer? Casein, which makes up 87% of cows' milk protein, promoted all stages of the cancer process." COWS MILK PROMOTES CANCER!!! Are you reading that? Read it again! Want more? "Casein, a milk protein, promoted all three stages of cancer, initiation, promotion and progression."

Heard of Johne's disease? The disease farmers talk secretly about, the disease that the USDA says up to 40% of dairy herds were effected and that was most likely an understatement? Yeah, "Health experts correlate the high rate of Johne's disease in cattle with the growing epidemic of Crohn's disease in humans. " This is my favorite (Freedman and Barnouin, Skinny Bitch), "How is it (Crohn's from Johne's) transmitted? People suffering from Chrohn's disease suffer from uncontrollable diarrhea. And apparently, cows with Johne's disease suffer the same affliction. The diarrhea can come shooting out of the cow in liquid form. And because her butt is so close to her udders, poo gets on her udders. And unless someone takes the time to wash and clean the udders of every cow before milking, the infected fecal matter makes its way into the milk. Bonus: Within that poo, there can be as many as one trillion paratuberculosis bugs per gram. Surprise, surprise, the good ol' U.S. of A. has the highest incidence of Crohn's disease."

Vitamin D? PCRM "Samplings of mik have found a significant variation of vitamin D content, with some samplings having as much as 500 times the indicated level while others had little or none at all." Did you know that too much is toxic and really, what is the point of none?

The point of this post? The dairy industry is here to make money, so is Burger King, so is Crisco, but does that mean we take their commercials as truth? I was told my whole life that dairy is good for me, good for my bones, got milk??? AND, I was lied to, we all were and continue to be lied to. Don't take my word for it, research it yourself, but wise up, take charge of your body and make educated decisions. We are in no way benefitting from dairy and cause a lot more harm than we know. If you want to drink puss filled (see part one for that), poop particle, disease and cancer causing liquid, go for it, but don't say I didn't warn you.

P.S. I'm only telling you this because I love you!

This is what happens when people ask me questions.

I'm just going to say it.

Sperm.

I don't know why my blog has been so private part and hormonal ridden. It just has.

I wasn't going to explain myself, however, I can't help but to do so. Friends are getting pregnant, a lot of them, or trying to get pregnant and they all ask me questions. I can answer a lot but when it comes to your boy's boys. I'm at a loss.

I thought I would research a bit and just put it out there for you.

How long do they live, when should we try, I mean, what REALLY happens?!?!

Ummm.

Everything I've read about the life span says from not very long (outside of the body) to a little bit longer to a lot bit longer averaging 24-48 hours but can live up to 6 days. Basically, I don't know but it did make me wonder...

I don't like reading about things dying. I imagined these cute baby swimming things swimming around happily and then just dropping dead. Did they swim too soon after eating? Cramps will get ya every time! Then I pictured them outside of the body doing everything they could to survive. A lost man in Death Valley dragging his feet, in search of water. Are the sperm thirsty? Are they slowly moving along like that lost man, dragging their tail, passing other dehydrated guys, asking and begging with a throaty, scratchy voice, "Water, wahhhhhh-terrrrrr." I felt bad for these sperm, they need water. And if they die so quickly outside of a good human swimming pool, how many sperm pass up the dead sperm looking for water? Do they care? Do they have a moment of silence or just pass right by their dead teammates looking out for number one?

I couldn't find the answers.

Then I was reading that IF they get into the body, some are like Olympic Swimmers, but others just get lost and go in the wrong direction. What is wrong with these things? I mean, didn't they get a pretty good shove in the right direction? I think if there are soooo many swimmers in one, uhhh, team then there has to be a few colorful personalities in the bunch.

Of course you'll get your jocks, the stoners, the band geeks, the class clown, the couple that so cute, it makes you want to vomit all swimming along on their merry little way. I don't think anyone swims in the wrong direction just to swim. I'm pretty sure the class clown of the bunch gets into a new environment, looks around and CAN NOT stop himself (You know you know this person!) from yelling, "SHARK!!!!! Dude, everyone, swim fast, SHARK!!!!!"

I mean, THAT might make them turn and run, or I mean swim, right? LIKE swim FAST and in any direction they can possibly go so they aren't eaten up by the Cervix Shark.

What about the guys that keep bumping into things. I mean, if they were born swimming and most likely die (Moment of silence please.) swimming, then they have GOT to be GREAT swimmers. A ton of Michael Phelps. So, their tail wags up and down, side to side, whatever to get them places or to the Motherland, but do they also use it to push off of walls? I just can't see them NOT bumping into things and completing the perfect flip turn and pushing off with their tail. That would be the thing that makes the most sense, right? Do they perform flip turns?!?!

Also, what do they do while hanging around waiting for the one true love egg? Do they play flippy cup? Truth or Dare? Mouse Trap? I can't just see them treading water for days, what a bore.

In a quest to answer you questions, I just created more and Mayo Clinic has no answers for me.

So, to all you inquiring minds, all I can say it, just hope no one in there yells 'Shark', other than that, I hope they brought enough games to make the water treading a little more entertaining. I don't know anyone that doesn't enjoy a good game of flippy cup.