Major Life Decision: Cursing

I'm not one to curse. In college, people would seriously offer me $5.00 to say the F-word. I just don't FEEL it. It just isn't natural. I don't care and am in no way offended when others throw the F-bomb around but it just isn't my style...

Until recently.

I feel like I have SOOOO much going on. I'm soooo busy and maybe a little stressed that when the smallest thing goes wrong turning a five minute task into a two hour job, I just want to SCREAM

the F-word.

So, should I take up cursing?

Example-

Yesterday Charlotte choked on a piece of banana and it freaked her out enough to cry for an hour straight. Her crying got Sawyer crying. I had two screaming kids. I gave them a bath to stop the screaming and Charlotte pooped in hers. I pulled her baby bath full of water and poop out of the big bath Sawyer was in and got her dressed. While in Charlotte's room, Sawyer filled Charlotte's bath that is now sitting on the bathroom floor up with water until it overflowed and poop filled water was all over the bathroom. Pulled Sawyer out, he cried for an hour until he found his blanket while I scrubbed every inch of that bathroom until it was all shit (oops, see, there it is!) free again.

We had to be in Denver for a doctor's appointment at noon so I packed up the kids, drove down the canyon, threw them in the double jogger and went for a run.

Because if anything was going to fix my morning, it was a nice run.

And now it's time for a letter:

Dear Cyclists-

I was jogging, pushing both my kids in a double stroller up hills on the widest path I've ever seen. You two were the second set of people to pass me in the 30 minutes I've been running at that point (And end up being the last people to pass me on that hour run). THE PATH WAS NOT BUSY. THE PATH IS VERY WIDE. I stayed to the right so anyone faster than me could pass me with no problems. Running is my release. It makes me happy, it makes me healthy, it gives me a little break from being a mommy and if I want my fucking music turned up, I can turn my fucking music up.

The wind was against us. I couldn't hear you very well while you were right next to me screaming without ANY music on so you think I could hear you when you were BEHIND me yelling into the wind. No chance. And, though none of your damn business, my music WASN'T very loud because I like to be able to hear my kids in case one started crying!

So don't you fucking tell me to run without music so I can hear you better. You had plenty of room to pass me, you were yelling into the wind on this super wide, non-busy path.

Next time to clear up the road, I'll sit on my ass all day, get fatter by the minute and let YOU pay my medical bills.

Because God forbid I turn my shitty morning around on a healthy run.

Fuckers.


So, yeah, I think I'm going to take up cursing. Thoughts?

Washing Machines are Evil. That and People Annoy Me.

My blog has been all rainbow poo and baby smiles but you knew big-mouth me was going to come back sooner or later right?

I am all happy and in dreamy land with my camera and my babies but then I saw a post on facebook yesterday that just

set.

me.

off.

I have a friend; first time pregnant, trying to make decisions, sort all of this baby nonsense stuff out; post something about the AMOUNT of cloth diapers there are to choose from.

There are a lot. It's kind of overwhelming.

One of her friends wrote her saying she should maybe re-think her decision to cloth.

That in itself pisses me off. Who is this chick to tell another mom what to do?

The best part were her arguments: Boys pee more than girls, you'll be doing laundry twice a day, she wouldn't last a MONTH on cloth and will be in disposables anyway, they aren't good for the environment, they cost more money than disposables, etc.

Are you laughing yet?

Or are you pissed?

I'm still kinda pissed. Fist off, she says to re-think the cloth decision. F you chick! I mean, REALLY?!?! You are the master mother we should all base our motherhood decisions on what you say?

She said that this new mom will be on disposables in an a month so might as well not try cloth. Well, I'm sorry YOU are a failure and a lazy ass but that isn't EVERYONE.

Laundry twice a day? Did you cloth diaper with only two in your stash? I do laundry every other day and still have a few left that are clean.

Boys pee more than girls? Let me see your scientific evidence doctor.

Not good for the environment? I used this lame excuse too... when using disposables and not wanting to do any more research.

Let me have someone else sum it up for you:

It is estimated that roughly 5 million tons of untreated waste and a total of 2 billion tons of urine, feces, plastic and paper are added to landfills annually. It takes around 80,000 pounds of plastic and over 200,000 trees a year to manufacture the disposable diapers for American babies alone. Although some disposables are said to be biodegradable; in order for these diapers to decompose, they must be exposed to air (oxygen) and sun. Since this is highly unlikely, it can take several hundred years for the decomposition of disposables to take place, with some of the plastic material never decomposing.

The untreated waste placed in landfills by dirty disposable diapers is also a possible danger to contaminating ground water. Pro-disposable advocates say that cleaning cloth diapers uses more energy and contributes to the load on sanitary sewer systems and potential water pollution. This view really makes no sense if you think about it. The amount of water used per week to wash cloth diapers at home is about the same amount consumed by an adult flushing the toilet four or five times daily for a week. Also, the greater amount of water and energy being used by diaper service companies to wash large amounts of cloth diapers multiple times; the per diaper impact on energy and water supplies is actually less than home washing.

Finally, when flushing solids from a cloth diaper down the toilet and washing the diapers in a washing machine, the contaminated, dirty water from both toilet and washing machine go into the sewer systems where they are properly treated at wastewater plants. This treated wastewater is much more environmentally friendly than dumping untreated soiled disposable diapers into a landfill.

And if WASHING diapers are terrible for the environment than we better get rid of our clothes and dishes. HEAVEN FORBID we wash that stuff. We'll use paper and styrofoam dishes, throw-away hospital gowns and trash every towel after use.

DO NOT WASH YOUR REUSABLE ITEMS, it's BAD.
I'm pretty sure I couldn't type a statement more stupid than above.

Cloth diapers cost more than disposables? I switched to cloth because I was damn sick of spending $100 a month on diapers. I spent $250 total on my stash including a wet bag. I spend $20 ever five or so months on Country Save detergent and our electric bill when up about $10 dollars since I started cloth but it's also the same time we started using the hot tub. I'm taking a wild guess that the hot tub takes up most of the extra energy.


More importantly, aren't we over this crap? This judgey, do what I do and if you don't you're wrong parenting CRAP?!?! If a mom decides to use disposables, COOL. If they decide to cloth, COOL! Co-sleeping versus crib, bottle versus breast, cry it out versus soothe? I mean, you are MOM and you know BEST for YOUR baby so lets support other moms trying to do their very best raising THEIR baby.

It takes a village.

And basically: I. Support. YOU. I support YOUR decisions. I support YOU GUYS doing whatever you can do to be the best mommy and daddy even if it's not what I do.

If you are going to be all judgemental then you are kicked out of my village. The tribe has spoken.

Forget it, I'm just writing this. Warning: I talk about periods.

The marathon is this Sunday.

As in a few days away.

As in

A

FEW DAYS

AWAY!

And I'm doing the period dance. After Sawyer, my cycle became a lot heavier and more crampy and then times that by five after pushing out Charlotte. I'm due for it in a few days, like MARATHON DAY and if that is when little miss evil chooses to make her appearance, this marathon is going to SUCK.

So, do a dance with me.

I'm also really pissy.

PMS related? No, couldn't be, right?

I'm just all annoyed with people. People I haven't even met or talked to in my life, close friends, EVERYONE! I just feel like people are sooo disappointing.

And here is the kicker: people that open their mouth way too much I'm REALLY annoyed at.

Are you seeing the irony? Basically I'm mad at anyone like me. I mean, really?

So I'm kinda staying quiet because my intention is not to tear anyone down and DAMN am I good at that.

So, this is me quiet. Anyone else hate me or is it just me?

Because I'm awesome.

Confuse-a-cat.

Short Sales, Pigeons and Fake Boobies, Oh My!

Currently our kitchen looks like I burned something. You know when it's a little smokey, lines aren't as clear and it could just be your eyes getting old and not burnt toast? I didn't burn anything but insulation dust is coming down from the attic...where we are getting new insulation.

Why is this a big deal? Well, I'm over it. I'm over all our housing issues. We are renting and this price tag for insulation is not ours to pay but what is money compared to your health? Recap: We moved out of our condo and into an apartment in hopes to be here a few short weeks until we close on the short sale.

The short sale from hell.

My baby has never been sick a day in his life and since we lived into this new apartment, I've been dealing with illness. Yesterday I woke to throw-up all over his bed, then later in the day I was cleaning throw up off OUR bed and then again off the dining room floor. Green snot runs down his face. My boy is healthy but something tells me this apartment isn't. This place we live in is nice, it really is, but there is a pigeon problem. There are bug problems. There were feathers spewing from the vents onto our living room floor. After putting it all together: feathers and bugs and sickness, we complained-or I should say, we brought up this situation and they reacted quickly. Our vents are suppose to be sealed after finding pigeons living in them. All the insulation was torn out and today is being replaced. They say after today, we should see no more bugs, no feathers, no crap. It's just a little scary that a place you live in, the air you breath all day and all night was being ventilated through pigeon poop and feathers. The rats of the sky were living right above our heads and crapping in our ventilation system. As one of the workers cleaning out our attic says, the place was "BAD...two dead birds and trash bags full of shit." Nice, right?

We were offered a place to go tonight if the insulation bothers us, and now I know we are taking them up on that offer but as my puking boy went down for a nap before the kitchen situation was pointed out, I sit here and wait. I need to pack our stuff, get all the things we need for a night, including laptops for my hubbie's work, diapers, wipes, toys, food, etc and I'm spent knowing AS I think about the tasks ahead, I'm breathing in particles that are unhealthy for me, the 27 week old that resides within my uterus and my toddler boy.

We shouldn't have to deal with this. Since we have lived here, we've been inconvenienced. I don't need to be inconvenienced anymore than I already am waiting for this house to close.

Intermission: Are you really sticking by me while I complain? You are SUCH a good friend and I will buy you a beer.

The short sale: the further we get, the more hoops we have to jump through. My biggest piece of real estate advice to anyone and everyone is to NOT BID ON A SHORT SALE. I'll try to shorten my newest update. They are trying to get us a different type of loan so we don't have to put 20% down, that new loan requires a new inspection with a working kitchen. Fathom that, a WORKING kitchen! Since the owners (The male of the house is a CHRISTIAN author) STOLE the appliances, we must purchase more FOR A HOUSE WE DON'T OWN. Forgive my all in caps yelling, I'm a little pissy. The propane tank needs to be filled so the power is on and guess who pays for that? OH, and in order to get anyone there, we need to plow the driveway but that can't happen until we get access to the house and we can't get that access. Then, the loan people say they don't give out loans to people buying their second (or third, or whatever number besides first) house after January 1st, 2010 even if you can afford it and qualify. Too bad. THEN, we realized there are ways around that, like if your family is too big for your first house, then they WILL loan to you for a second. They will loan to us because we were irresponsible and got knocked up in a place too small but not because we have great credit and can afford it. Is this backwards to you? I mean, sure, lets all reward bad behavior, go AMERICA. ( I told you I'm pissy.) The second lien holder decided it wants more money and the owners couldn't afford it, so the realtors took a big commission cut and are paying off the second lien holder so they will approve the short sale so we can all close. Did you read that right, the REALTORS are paying off the 2nd lien holder. Yeah, true story. After all this, still no word from the second lien holder, our realtor is growing more and more upset and the guy in the middle (our negotiator) that is suppose to get things done, talk to the banks, keep us informed, yada-yada but can't spell a word to save his life and sends tweets to, you aren't going to believe this, SPENCER PRATT! True story, I googled our negotiator and was not surprised to find, he describes his negotiating and closing style as "patient". No crap, he's patient, I have other words I can describe his style with but will bite my tongue. For craps and giggles though, let me give you a lil chunk of his blog, you'll love this...

"Fannie Mae is now condusting their own appraisals behind those the lender or servicer orders. Fannie takes its own seet time to get this done, too. "

"We have to determine that we are here to hel pa public understand where we are..."

So, yeah, you get the picture. This is our negotiator's professional blog, this is the guy that closes the deal, and he can't even proof read... probably because he's shooting the S with Speidi. Nice.

Perhaps our negotiator and the prior owner, aka: Christian author, can get together and internet stalk Heidi's fake tits and let the rest of us actually get something done. In the meantime, I've got to pack.. again.

Dairy Sucks Part 2. Yay, lets all drink cancer!

Okay, okay, milk sucks. Did you know this? NO? What, you were told that it was good and supplies your bones calcium and is vital to your diet? Can I ask WHO told you this? Did you ever ask yourself? No, you were just following the leader. Wow, very brave of you.

You've been lied to, you've been a sucker to the diary industry, a FOR PROFIT industry PROFITING from your blind obedience. Congrats.

Yeah, it's crap. Dairy is crap. Dairy is NOT vital to your diet, it's HORRIBLE for you, promotes disease, weight gain, and more including the growth of cancer. Hear that? CANCER! It helps cancer GROW and you still put it on your burgers, pour it in your cereal, melt it on your pizza. Is it worth it?

If you haven't read my first blog regarding dairy and have a few minutes, go here. To sum it up, I was outraged the doctors were telling me I needed to supplement Sawyer's 100% breastfed diet for man made, chemical loaded formula, formulated from NASTY, puss filled cows milk. I refused. (Yes people, you have a choice in your child's diet, the doctors don't own you.) It was a post/rant informing you some of the diary evils including the puss count you are drinking, the hormones the cows ingest to produce that milk, the calcium that is not going to your bones and more. I will most likely repeat some information here so deal with it, you probably need to hear it again anyway.

I'm pretty passionate about dairy and am not shy to share my views. When I was young I got migraines sometimes several times a week where I would be throwing up. I would have to lay in my room, all lights off, no one talking, and sit in pain. I didn't understand what was wrong with me and wanted someone to open my head and fix what was not working like it should. Little did I know, after too many visits to the doctors, I would be diagnosed as allergic to dairy. I cried. I cried long and hard and didn't want to give up all the meals I knew and loved. My family had me stop dairy and the headaches went away. Later I added dairy back into my diet only to remove it once I got to college, where I started my health obsession. I met someone who was anti-dairy who gave me a book regarding general health. One chapter focused on the diary industry and after several pages I was hooked. I threw myself into all sorts of books, read all the research papers I could and wrote many papers myself for different classes. The thing that moved me most to educate the people around me regarding dairy is this; most people can generally agree that refined sugar is not good for us. We see a cookie and know it won't be the best thing for our bodies but make an educated decision on whether we want to eat it or not. Most people look at milk and think it is good for them, that they are doing their bodies good when nothing can be further from the truth. My goal is for you to look at what you eat, know what it will do to your body and THEN make and educated decision. If you choose to continue dairy, so be it, but know what you are getting yourself into.

First, remember this, WE DON'T NEED MILK unless we are babies!!!! Are you a baby? Baby! Think about it for a second, we are born, milk fills our mothers boobies and we drink from her. When we choose to be done, we are done. We shouldn't go back and 90-95% of us don't have the enzyme Lactase to digest Lactose (the sugar found in dairy) to digest it anyway!!! We are almost ALL lactose intolerant and can show it in many different ways. You are forcing toxins onto your system, and onto your childrens' system. What is worse, we force ourselves and our loved ones to drink the milk from some other animal and you all freak out when a mom breastfeeds a baby that isn't her own?! Not that I can do it, but it's more natural than downing a glass of cows milk!!! When a kitten is born, its mom's numerous boobies fill with milk and the kittens drink. When they are done, they are done. Milk supplies vital nutrients for your offspring and when your offspring is done with milk, their body is done as well. Do you feed cat milk to you puppy, monkey milk to your rabbit? The entire animal kingdom does not go back to milk after weaned, just us, humans, perhaps the dumbest animal of all. Not only do we go back to milk, we decided to go to a cow for our milk supply only because people TOLD US TO, an industry that is trying to make money told you to do so, and did you listen? You are a sucker!!!! If you want to continue milk, at least go back to your mom, the human milk, the milk that was FORMULATED for our bodies, the milk protein that DOES not cause harm to our systems, go for it, suck away kids.

The reality is, our bodies want nothing to do with diary.

Having fun yet? Listen to what you are pouring into your body:

Following more than 75,000 women over the course of twelve years, The Harvard Nurses' Study showed that milk was NOT shown to have a protective effect on bones, the study revealed that dairy products were associated with an increased risk of fractures.

According to The journal of Gerontology, American women over fifty have among the highest rates of hip fractures in the world. The only countries with higher rates are those that consume more milk.

Milk does not do your bones good. In fact, it's quite opposite. The large role calcium plays in your body after the age of maturity is to take your body from an acidic level and make it neutral so food can pass through your digestive tract. Dairy is soooo acidic, it actually takes calcium FROM your bones to digest dairy. Isn't that nice?

Want to know what else an acidic environment causes? Cancer!!! Oh joy! A Harvard study found that when women with low enzyme levels consumed dairy on a regular basis, their risk of ovarian cancer was up to THREE TIMES GREATER!

Heard of The China Study by Dr. T. Colin Campbell? One of the most comprehensive studies of diet and nutrition ever in history, spanning twenty years time, citing from more than 750 references and partnering with Cornell University, Oxford University and the Chinese Academy of Preventative Medicine? Dr. Campbell's published study says diary can cause "heart disease, diabetes, asthma, obesity, osteoporosis, kidney stones, cataracts, macular degeneration, multiple sclerosis, Alzheimer's, and breast, prostate, colon and rectal cancer." During his extensive research, he found that protein had a huge effect on cancer, "What protein consistent and stongly promoted cancer? Casein, which makes up 87% of cows' milk protein, promoted all stages of the cancer process." COWS MILK PROMOTES CANCER!!! Are you reading that? Read it again! Want more? "Casein, a milk protein, promoted all three stages of cancer, initiation, promotion and progression."

Heard of Johne's disease? The disease farmers talk secretly about, the disease that the USDA says up to 40% of dairy herds were effected and that was most likely an understatement? Yeah, "Health experts correlate the high rate of Johne's disease in cattle with the growing epidemic of Crohn's disease in humans. " This is my favorite (Freedman and Barnouin, Skinny Bitch), "How is it (Crohn's from Johne's) transmitted? People suffering from Chrohn's disease suffer from uncontrollable diarrhea. And apparently, cows with Johne's disease suffer the same affliction. The diarrhea can come shooting out of the cow in liquid form. And because her butt is so close to her udders, poo gets on her udders. And unless someone takes the time to wash and clean the udders of every cow before milking, the infected fecal matter makes its way into the milk. Bonus: Within that poo, there can be as many as one trillion paratuberculosis bugs per gram. Surprise, surprise, the good ol' U.S. of A. has the highest incidence of Crohn's disease."

Vitamin D? PCRM "Samplings of mik have found a significant variation of vitamin D content, with some samplings having as much as 500 times the indicated level while others had little or none at all." Did you know that too much is toxic and really, what is the point of none?

The point of this post? The dairy industry is here to make money, so is Burger King, so is Crisco, but does that mean we take their commercials as truth? I was told my whole life that dairy is good for me, good for my bones, got milk??? AND, I was lied to, we all were and continue to be lied to. Don't take my word for it, research it yourself, but wise up, take charge of your body and make educated decisions. We are in no way benefitting from dairy and cause a lot more harm than we know. If you want to drink puss filled (see part one for that), poop particle, disease and cancer causing liquid, go for it, but don't say I didn't warn you.

P.S. I'm only telling you this because I love you!

Fire Burns

I'm a little annoyed today. I was looking through pictures of the fire damage in California. What used to be lush landscape looks like Mars. Ash. Ash everywhere. To top it off, two firefighters died protecting life and land in a fire that someone most likely started. Two families lost a dad, a husband a son. It makes me really sad. It also hits home and not just because that is where I'm from.

History: When I was in high school, all I wanted to do was become a firefighter. It's what I dreamed of, envisioned, prepared and trained for. I joined the explorer program in L.A. County and shockingly was good at what I wanted to do. I was the only female but I worked hard, REALLY hard to keep up with the boys. THen I worked HARDER to show them up. I didn't want pity, didn't want things easier. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it well to a man's standards. It was difficult and stressful and one of the most amazing times of my life. I was sent to an academy and worked harder than I ever had in my life. I was rewarded with several awards. I studied, could do pushups from night until morning. Survived on little sleep as they rang bells from night until morning ensuring that under stress and fatigue, we could still think straight, perform strong. That academy had a 50% drop out rate and I graduated. I graduated one of the toughest academies. A few years later we found out the explorer (AKA- Volunteer) academies were more difficult and stressful than the paid and made sure someone was there to watch over the firefighters who led these. I became an EMT and rode along 24hour shifts on the engine. I recovered severed arms, performed CPR, gave oxygen, bandaged gaping wounds, triaged in cases of major accidents. I fought little fire, but trained like the big one was coming any day and we all waited. We waited for the big one, because that is where the fun began, right?



Long story short, I almost got hired with a department I didn't want to work for, and decided to go have fun until County called my name. I wanted to be an L. A. County Firefighter.



That time never came. I got caught up on fun and traveling. I realized that the work I put in to constantly prove myself was exhausting and I didn't want to walk into work EVERYDAY and feel like I had to prove myself all over again. Every single day for a female was a day of proving you can hang. And, if you are as good as the next guy, it doesn't matter, you have to be better. I was tired. I guess I didn't have it in me after all.

But many of my friends did. They ARE L.A. County firefighters. They are L.A. City firefighters. They work for forest service. They are fire detectives. They are EMT's and Paramedics and I'm so proud of them. But two of those heroes lost their life in a fire that someone may have started. One, Arnie, was an Explorer in the post I was. He was a few years ahead of me and my friend was his leader and years later, that same friend sees Arnie's body while working on the triage and body recovery team in THIS last fire. Arnie leaves behind his pregnant wife due in the next few weeks. Wow. This shouldn't have happened. No one should have to see that. But these firefighters work harder than most can imagine to train for such emergencies, knowing that their life is on the line while doing so. They do it to protect YOU to ensure YOUR house doesn't burn to the ground to ensure YOU go about your day not fearing that everything you know may end in smoke and ash. They watch their own friend's life come to an end so yours does not.

If you wold like to make a donation to their family or memorial fund, please go here.

This became a no fun venting post. No one really should read this.

I was going to try and write a nice post on things I learned yesterday and be all happy and bright, but I just pulled two of my favorite things out of the dryer that I meant to NOT put in they dryer and they are both ruined. Totally ruined and things I can't buy again. UGH! I'm really annoyed. Seriously, stop reading this if you have a penis.

It probably doesn't help that the biggest thing I got for mothers day was my period and ever since I had Sawyer those don't go very well. I used to breeze by them, barely noticing the slight inconvenience the visit brought. Now it's like my body is at war with itself and for at least 24 hours I don't want to speak to anyone. Obviously, Geoff bears the brunt of this. I would say poor guy, but I don't feel that way. I don't feel bad for any of you guys out there. You know when I'll feel bad? Do you want to know when I'll feel bad?!?! No, actually, I would never feel bad, only even. l might feel 'even' when several days out of the month, you have to stick wads of cotton up your penis. When your cramps get so bad, you just have to breath until you get a break and prepare for the next one. When you feel ugly and hated and fat and annoyed and WE want to know WHY you feel that way, give me an explanation, talk to me, talk to us, talk it out. I want you to talk out something you can't explain because there is no reason for you to feel like the world is against you except your hormones are king. They are a mean, king dictator and you have nothing you can say about it. No voting for you. Ever feel that?! No, of course you guys don't feel that! Okay, how about this, you know when you feel that urge to release yourself? It's got to be pretty damn strong if some of you can't wait to get off the plane, or out of the train to do it. No, you've got to do it in front of me, an innocent bystander not wanting to see your junk on the way to the grocery store, which by the way is small and you should probably hide it FOREVER. HOLD IT IN damn you. Okay, so times that by 500 and the urge isn't to pleasure yourself, it's to feel bad about yourself and fat. I hate feeling fat. Feel fat, and pissed and stick cotton up your penis. THAT is when I'll feel better about all this.

The thing that really pisses me off is the thing that set me off this morning could have been prevented. Totally prevented. Here I am now, annoyed, frustrated, fat, hated, with two less things to wear than just an hour earlier.

Happy Monday. I'm going to find something happy and bright.

Who am I, Paul Walker?!

I don't like to break laws. I'm a fan of speed limits. Hell, I'm a fan of speed limits, seat belts, helmets, anything safe! My friend actually calls me the safety police, because, well, I don't want you hurt. I don't want to be hurt myself. If you get hurt during my time with you, that turns time that could have been fun, to a time that is no fun at all. Do you want to sit in the emergency room for hours? Didn't think so. So, why do things to amplify your possibility of getting hurt?

This is not to say I don't enjoy adventurous fun. I LOVE adventurous activities! Rock climbing, skiing, scuba diving, trapeze tricks, kite boarding, bungee jumping, sky diving, BRING IT ON! However, the majority of injuries are average people doing average things... like driving down the road.

If you are going to drive down a road, please do so safe. Do you know that you are driving in a killing machine? Yeah, a car. That car can do damage well beyond your most people's imagination. Yes, I drive slow. I'm a grandma driver. I've talked about that (and my failure of that) before here.

So, it cracks me up when some ghetto young thing pulls up in his Honda whatever with spinning rims and tries to race me. First, get rid of your spinning rims. No one likes them. They aren't cool and they don't make you cool. In fact, they take away your cool points, like, A LOT of your cool points. Oops, your in the red. Get it? These guys pull up, look over at me and rev their engine.

I'm just a mommy driving my baby home from the grocery store. Do you really think I'm going to race you? Do you SEE the car seat in the back? How about the re-usable Whole Foods bags full of groceries on the back seat, NEXT to my baby in his seat? Did I mention I have a baby in here? DON'T TRY TO RACE ME! In fact, don't try to race anyone, it's not safe.

I get it. I guess the car we drive goes fast. I don't really understand how fast because I don't get all the technical jargon my husband and his friends talk about. I don't get when they ask me how much fun I have driving it. I don't know what super charged something with something chips means. I'm clueless. Are the tires full? Is there fuel in there? Will it get me to the store and back? That's all I need to know.

I guess others know more about engine crap than I do; they pull up to me AND rev their engine AND look at me all weird AND I feel uncomfortable. I feel absolutely uncomfortable.

I don't know how to play cool when I'm uncomfortable. ANYONE within miles can tell I'm not in my comfort zone. My face is red. My eyes dart back and forth. I smile with confused eyes and look away quickly. I pretend to play with the radio. I beg the light to turn green. I'm not having fun.

I like to have fun.

Don't race me. From what I don't know about the car, if you did try to race me, I would win. BUT, I don't want to win, I'll lose gracefully. I want to be happy and comfortable and not RED. I want to get my child home safe. I want to arrive home with 12 eggs enact. I don't want to hear your engine rev and I don't want you to look at me strange, and more than anything, I want everyone else to be safe. Who are you to jeapordize that?

Life is precious.

Spinning rims are not.

I wouldn't say this if I didn't love you.

I'm no Paul Walker, I'm Safety Police!!!

Would you like Pus with that? Part 1

I'm not that big. Geoff isn't big. Is it any surprise that our child is small? Sawyer had his nine month check up, weighing in at just over 13 pounds. They told me it was time to give him some formula. I cried.

Before I go on, let me clarify. I understand the 'breast is best' and parents who choose to give their baby formula at times recieve dirty looks, are ashamed for others to see the formula in the cart, hear the breast feeding nazis calling formula the "F" word. I think that if a parent made a decision for their child based on what is best for that family, then I support you. Just because I have very strong views against dairy and formula does not mean that I condemn others for using it. If you want to use formula to feed your baby, whatever the reason, do it!

Moving on.

I hate dairy. I not so jokingly call it the devil. Why am I going to feed my child some chemical mixture based on a cows milk when it's the last thing I want in my body? I understand if I was not able to produce milk, but I can, and he drinks. Here, the doctors are not only advising me to feed my child something I don't agree with, they also want to see us in a month to check our progress. These are the times I wish I lived back in L.A. They've got some serous non-dairy, non-formula doctors there. On the flip side, I want my child to grow.

Dairy. The only thing meant to drink the milk from a cow is her own calf. We are the only species that not only continues to drink milk after we are weaned but we decide to drink it from another species all together. You want milk, fine, suck your mothers boob. Maybe squeeze it right into your cereal? Freeze it, add some chocolate and spoon over your warm pie. Sound gross? It's more natural! Not even a cow will go back to milk after it is weaned, why do we?! The only thing that milk is suppose to do is take a small calf and turn it into a few hundred pound cow in a matter of months. MONTHS! This is why the claims that consuming dairy will keep you at a healthy weight make me laugh, every time. Do you know what protein you are ingesting? Do you know what growth hormones you are drinking? Do you realize the amount of pus you consume with each dairy product?!?! Yeah, I said it, PUS! Drink up friends.

Thanks to the popular growth hormone, BVM, a cow went from producing about 2,000 pounds of milk per year to numbers up to 50,000 pounds per year! If you take a look at the insides of a non-hormone injected cow and an average dairy cow these days, the hormone ridden dairy cow's internal organs are up twice the size as the non-hormone cow who weighs the same. As with any lactating female, the hormone ends up in the milk. Do you wonder why ten year olds are getting their periods? Do you wonder why our kids are so much bigger? Do you wonder why my baby who is breastfed from a non-dairy mommy is not on the average growth charts based on mostly formula fed babies?! Do you think this annoys me? This growth hormone causes a marked growth (50-70%) of mastitis. That is nipple infection. These cows continue to be milked. That blood and pus end up in your milk after heated to an insane temperature (homogenization) in which they say, kills the bad things so you don't get sick. It's still in there people, just heated!!! AND, yes, you still get sick.

Did you know that all cows milk contains blood? They are just asked to keep it under a certain limit. Blood is another word for white blood cells. White blood cells is another world for pus. I love this letter regarding pus.

"WHAT IS NORMAL MILK?"

The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) has a milk ordinance governing milk safety. USDA does not allow milk containing 750 million or more pus cells per liter to be shipped across state borders. That should be good news to milk drinkers.

Last year, the average liter of milk in America contained only 323 million pus cells, according to Hoard's Dairyman, the dairy industry magazine. Author Jim Dickrell reports that the level of pus cells has been rising ever since farmers began using Monsanto's genetically engineered bovine growth hormone. Before approval (February 1994), the average pus cell count in milk was under 300 million cells per liter. By 1996, that average count had reached 307 million. In 1997, the average count was 313 million, and by 1998, the number had reached 318 million.

Researchers working for the National Mastitis Council define normal and abnormal milk based on the number of pus cells. According to Dickrell's story, the concentration of pus cells in "normal milk" is almost always less than 100 million cells per liter.

The number of pus cells in milk is an indicator of the state of health of the mammary glands and udders in cows. Stressed and infected cows have cell counts above 100 million. What does that say for the average milk in America? Not very healthy, even by dairy industry standards.

According to this article:

"When cell counts in milk exceed 200 (million per liter), the odds favor that the [udder] is infected or is recovering from infection."

The dairy magazine reports:

"Abnormal milk will be discolored and have flakes, clots or other gross alterations in appearance."

Gross is certainly an appropriate word to describe pus-filled milk with clots. This analyses of mastitis researchers reveals:

"At 400 (million) cells per liter, some 35% of cows will be infected."

This means that approximately one-third of the cows being milked at any one time in America are stressed and infected. Milk from these cows contains large amounts of bacteria, virus, and pus. As a consequence, farmers must treat their herds with increased amounts of antibiotics.

Pam Ruegg, a University of Wisconsin mastitis researcher, examined more than one million records, and concluded that the higher the herd's pus cell count, the greater the risk of antibiotic residues in milk.

Her results were published in the December 2000 issue of the Journal of Dairy Science.

What about calcium you ask? Calcium in the adult body is meant to take the body from an acidic level and make it neutral. Dairy is so acidic, you body actually pulls calcium from your system to make your body neutral. Think about it, U.S. is one of the worlds leading dairy consuming countries and also one of the worlds leaders in osteoporosis and other bone dwindling diseases. The key to fighting these degenerative diseases is not how much calcium you consume, but how much calcium you prevent from leaving your bones. That means, no dairy. You can get the same amount of calcium ounce for ounce in broccoli. You get calcium in green leafy vegetables, not to mention calcium fortified OJ and more. These calcium sources are easily absorbed by the body and do not pull calcium from your bones. "Dietary protein increases production of acid in the blood which can be neutralized by calcium mobilized from the skeleton." (American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 1995;61,4) Also, Harvard studies continue to show the a link between animal protein and dairy consumptions and broken bones.

It gets better. Lets talk about the cows milk protein Casein. Casein is actually used to make the strongest wood glue on the market. Your furniture, held together with a little milk protein. The label on your beer, milk protein. What does that do to your body? It creates a string like mucus. Runny nose? Have to clear your throat? Get rid of dairy. I dare you to stop all dairy for two weeks. Nothing. Not a single ounce. Have a whopping bowl full of ice cream after your two week stint and feel the mucus in your throat form soon after. It never fails. Go ahead, try it. What is that mucus in our body doing? It is making us sick, really sick.

"At least 50% of all children in the United States are allergic to cow's milk, many undiagnosed. Dairy products are the leading cause of food allergy, often revealed by diarrhea, constipation, and fatigue. Many cases of asthma and sinus infections are reported to be relieved and even eliminated by cutting out dairy." (Natural Health, July, 1994, Nathaniel Mead, MD)

Former Chairman of Pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Frank Oski, M.D. even has a book called Don't Drink Your Milk which blames every second health problem kids suffer on hormone-ridden commercial milk. Sixty percent of ear infections in kids under six years of age are milk-induced, and milk consumption is the number one cause of iron-deficiency anemia in infants today according to the American Association of Pediatrics.

Dairy is linked to colds,congestion, constipation, allergies, rashes, ear infections, bed wetting, bone disease, ovarian cancer, early maturity, irritable bowel and so much more. Is milk worth it?

Milk contains frequent contaminants from pesticides to drugs. About a third of milk products have been shown to be contaminated with antibiotic traces. The vitamin D content of milk has been poorly regulated. Recent testing of 42 milk samples found only 12% within the expected range of vitamin D content. Testing of 10 samples of infant formula revealed seven with more than twice the vitamin D content reported on the label, one of which had more than four times the label amount. (11) Vitamin D is toxic in overdose. I don't want my kid on formula!!!

Why are we constantly told by media it is good for us? Did you know that the government pays for the excess storage of dairy. That is anything that is not bought is bought paid for by our tax dollars. Want to keep the deficit down? Want to keep pharmaceuticals in business? Drink up! When hippy movement was in it's high point, people were realizing what was good and what was not so good for their bodies. Milk consumption went down. They actually sent out some people to research milk and start a nation wide campaign. A few came back saying they did not realize how horrible dairy was and they were going to discontinue dairy consumption. The others wanted a pay check. Got Milk? Despite all the evidence surrounding the health risks of dairy, our schools still require milk to be given away with their school lunch. It's horrifying.

I just don't get it, is pus really that good? I don't want to mix dried pus with warm water and give it to my child. Yeah, he is off the growth chart, but he has enough wet diapers, he hits all his milestones, he has NEVER been sick. He has NEVER had a temperature and he has NEVER had dairy. Don't make me start.

I have so much to say on this topic and so little time to give it the post it deserves. This is all for now. but you can bet that I will be on here, presenting more information, studies, and tons more. People ask why milk has been my number one enemy. I feel like it has such a false security. You are told so many lies. Most people can generally agree that a lot of sugar is not good for us. We can generally agree that our bodies were not meant to consume meat, but not many people talk about Dairy. I've been against dairy since 1999 and then seemed like a crazy person. There is more information against it and the subject is more widespread than ever before, but it's not enough. I'm also frustrated that the doctors are telling me what I don't want to hear. Give him formula, make him grow. YEAH, he'll grow, but not the way his body was meant to. (I'm doing a sad face right now.)

Milk does a body bad.

Dear Greenpeace,

While I commend you on working for a cause that you may be passionate about, probably not making much money, and having to stand out in the cold all day, you are really annoying.

I live one block from 16th street mall and Larimer Square. I understand that these blocks are huge tourist attractions and tourists are your biggest suckers, but I live here. This is wear I purchase toilet paper for my family. Point is, I'm walking the streets (Oh, shush you!) almost daily. I am bombarded by at least FIVE of you a day, yes, at least FIVE and I can't handle it anymore. This is why New York City is not MY city. I don't like people constantly trying to sell me things and hand me stuff, sign petitions, etc. I don't want your stuff.

You yell at me as I pass by and try to use my child against me. How do you know I haven't done what you wanted me to do a hundred times already? I get that he is our future, but right now, I'm his and standing here in the cold for 30 minutes while you school me on what I should and should not be doing is not in my child's best interest. I KNOW you have seen me numerous times and you still yell things my way. The more annoying you are, the more I want to throw my recyclables into the trash.

I think the best solution is to print this (on un-recycled paper) and hand one to each and every one of you that yell at me.

Stop yelling at me and let me purchase toilet paper in (green)peace.

Worst Passenger Ever

I promised you guys this story.  I hope I can tell it as well in writing as I can in person.  In writing,  you don't get the sound effects.  If you are going to see me sometime soon, perhaps divert your eyes and wait for the in person version!

On a gloomy day in April...  (It might not be April but what a great way to start the story, right?!)

I was a flight attendant on the prop planes, you know, those really tiny planes that fly the short flights, hardly seat any people and vibrate you to sleep?  Yeah, those. Well, it was our last flight of the day, I was super tired and excited to be done.  Everyone is boarding the plane and I greet each passenger with my little wave.  "Welcome aboard."  Everyone was boarded except one passenger.  So, we wait.  Late passengers really annoy me, I think that when you are flying commercial, you need to be prompt, be aware of delays and be understanding the the flight can leave early as well.  Yes, early.  If you aren't there, they have the right to close the door WITHOUT YOU!  Be on time.  I look out the door to see a man hobbling toward the plane.  This is no small person, this is a very large, plump, oversize, no HUGE man coming my way.  This plane is small.  This man is big.  He makes his way up the stairs, barely, shows me his ticket, row one, and takes a seat.  Mind you, I had to move into the isle for this guy to get into row one because he was so large.  

We close the door and are on our way.  I'm low on energy and patience, I don't have it in me to talk much more and am slightly annoyed that this last passenger made us late.  We closed the door a few minutes behind which classifies our flight as delayed.  I don't like my flights delayed. Sitting in the jump seat next to the first row, this large man who made us late strikes up a conversation with me.  I talk back.  His questions are lame and I do my best to answer politely but truth is, I'm over him and I'm over this flight.

This flight is about 30 minutes from wheels up to wheels down.  No service flight.  The chime goes off to let me know that it is safe to get up.  I walk to the back of the plane to get some paperwork done but more so to be out of talking distance of this guy.  In the back of the plane, I finish my paperwork and a cute, older lady sitting in the last seat, directly across from the lavatory, says hello.  This lady is soo cute, I want to put her in my pocket and take her home with me.  I want to introduce her to my grandma so they can have tea parties together.  She asks where I'm from, how I like flying and other common questions and I adore her.  Fifteen minutes pass as I have a lovely conversation with this woman.  When you have been a flight attendant for so long, you know about how much longer you have before you will need to give your descent announcement, when to clean, etc.  We are over half way there.  

I see something out of the corner of my eye and look to the front of the plane.  Big man is up and headed my way.  This is a full flight and I've said it before, this man is BIG.  If he is up to use the lav, that means in order to pass me, we have to pass in the isle.  There is NO way we can pass without touching.  He's huge.

I meet him half way down the isle, inform him that the plane will be descending soon and ask if he needed to use the lavatory.  He insist that he MUST use it.  He is passing me in the isle.  I'm holding my breath, I'm squeezing myself up against one of the isle seats as hard as I can, so we don't have to touch as much.  It's a tight squeeze, I can smell his body odor and am holding back from gagging.  As he opens the door to the lav, I wonder how he will fit and close the door.  This guy could possibly be as wide, if not wider, than this little place we call the bathroom.  He gets in and fumbles for a bit to get the door closed and locked.  You can tell the process was not easy.  It's  a sliding door that folds in half when open, and flat when closed.  To get the door completely closed, you can see the door pop out several times before this guy is in there and the door is locked. I chuckle and head to the back again to finish my conversation with the cute, older lady.  At least eight minutes go by and this guy is still in the bathroom.  The descent chime will go off soon and I know this guy will need to be out and sitting down with his seatbelt tightly fastened.  

I hear some thumps from the bathroom, remember how big this guy is and realize that this noise is probably pretty normal for a man his size in a place so small.  I continue my conversation with the lady. More thumps.  She looks at me and I shrug.  The descent chime goes off and I wait a minute for this guy to get out.  Just thumps.  

"I think he is stuck!" She says to me alarmed.

"I'll give him another minute."

More thumps.  A few more minutes go by.

"Sir, you NEED to get out, we are landing!" I yell to him.

Descent Chimes.

 Thumps.

"You need to help him!" She yells

Thumps. 

 I see the ground getting closer.

  Thumps.

"He's stuck!"  She says to me.

Thumps.  

If he doesn't get out soon, I'll have to call the captain and inform him of the situation.  We can't land if everyone is not in their seat.  Losing our spot at the airport means we circle around until that Air Traffic Control can find another spot for us.  I want to be on the ground now.  Not landing means another twenty minutes or MORE in the air.

Thumping. 

"Sir, we are going to land soon."

Thumping.

"Sir, you NEED to get out!"  I yell.  I'm not sure what to do, I know I have about a two minute window before I need to call the flight deck.

"Help him!" She yells.

"SIR?" I yell.  

More thumping, he has got to be stuck in there.  Why did he insist on using the restroom now?  We would of been on the ground fifteen minutes later.  He couldn't wait fifteen minutes?!?! Why couldn't he wait FIFTEEN dang minutes?!   I'm getting really upset.  

More thumping.

"Sir, do you need my help?"

Rhythmic Thumping.  The ground is getting closer.  He MUST need my help, I mean, this guy is HUGE, he can't turn around and open the door for himself.

I flip up a latch and unlock the door from the outside.  I open the door. 

 He is panting, sweating, holding onto his 'man part', looks at me and says breathlessly, "I'm not done!"

The older woman screams.

I let the door slam and jump back.

O! M! G!

Did I just see that?! Did I just experience that?  Did I REALLY just ask if he needed my help in the middle of his play time?!

The funniest part of this story was telling my captain on the ride home.  He didn't get it.  "He was still peeing?!" He asked confused.  "No, what do you think he was doing? THUMP-THUMP-THUMP!"

Finally, the first officer blurt it out and yelled, "Sometimes you've got to have a release!"

Really GUYS, really?  You can't wait thirty minutes?  I'm still traumatized.

I call this post, Don't Piss Off Your Friend's Wife

I used to be really nice. Like, the NICE one. I am still nice. I am, just to the people I want to be nice to. You don't piss me off though and expect me to be silent about it. I guess I learned how to defend myself and the people I love. I'm also pretty quick to say what I think... that gets me in trouble. Oh well.

So, a friend of Geoff's friend broke his leg snow boarding. Yeah, I'm sure he is not having fun at this very moment. Anyway, I guess he rented out a place in the mountains and now can't use it. So, everyone says to contact us and see if we want to take over the rent for the winter. He e-mails Geoff with the information. Let me just say, we may do a swap thing with someone that lives in the mountains, and we may have a two bedroom place to stay on the weekends already. This guy says rent is $900 for a place above someone else's garage. It's a two bedroom that we share with two other couples. Sounds like a rip off to me. We pay almost a grand a month and don't even know if we will have our own room when we go up?! No thanks. Geoff tells him I'm not interested Fine, I'll be the scape goat.

I'm not going to paste the letter on here. I respect your eyes too much. Basically he writes back in HORRIBLE grammar saying that it sucks that I don't like to ride as much as my husband, and sounds like a route to divorce and that he'll go way down in price for us.

Ummm, first of all, if you are trying to get us to help you out?! Maybe you shouldn't piss me off. Don't piss off your friends wife and expect them to help!!! Isn't that a no brianer?! Then, you basically state that because you and your wife got divorced over her not liking to 'ride' as much as you means that the same thing is in our cards. You don't know us! I LOVE to ski, but even if I didn't, I can't fathom that EVER coming between the relationship I have with Geoff. If you have ever hung out with the two of us, you know that we are the couple that makes you vomit in the back of your throat because we are sooo lovey. Third, you want us to pay almost a grand a month to stay above someone's garage and share one bathroom between six people?! You are on something! AND, when we say no to your offer, you say you will go "waaaaaaaay below that in price", so are you NOT paying $900 a month for your share?! I highly doubt you are. Fourth, until you learn how to speak and write in CORRECT ENGLISH, I have no desire to help you.

Enjoy the rental with your broken leg, sucker!

I asked Geoff what he said to this guys e-mail. His reply was simply, I said no. He is sooo much nicer than I am. No one tells me we are on track for divorce and gets away with it. Simple rule, be nice to your friend's wife if you want them to help you out. Don't you guys agree?!?!

After I was talking to a friend about this and telling her that I might write a post about it, she asks, "What if this guy ever reads it?". I realized that I write things to get them off my chest. I write things to entertain myself and hopefully get a laugh or two out of my friends. I also write things in hopes that the person I'm talking crap about DOES read it and thinks, God, I'm an idiot! Yes, yes you are.

Textation Nation

There is something that annoys me to no end and I have no grounds to be annoyed by what I feel is incorrect English. It is the past tense form of the word text: texted. Texted. TEXTED?! Really now? Yes. Really. It drives me crazy but from what I have read out there, the word 'texted' is not wrong, well, nor is it right, which leaves me, kerbobled (Urbandictionary.com meaning to be upset at something or someone, yo. I added the yo myself.). So, what is a girl to do?

My take on the whole thing...

Text: Thanks for the kind text message. Thanks for texting me that message. Will you text me your address? Will you send me your address in a text? I text you my phone number yesterday. I just sent you my phone number in a text.

Hmmm...

Let's look at the word 'beat'. I am going to beat you at Monopoly. You have me beat. I beat her at Boggle yesterday. Would you EVER say, I BEATED her at Boggle yesterday?! (AND, don't say no because you would never play Boggle, Boggle rocks and EVERYONE should play Boggle.)

What am I realizing? When people say 'text' they actually mean 'text message'. So, you aren't really texting anyone, you are messaging them. Is text a noun or a verb, or is it a noun that became a verb? Is it both? Adjective: text messaging. OR is text a verb in the legit urban dictionary I cited above? It's somewhat similar to the word 'test'.

Test: I am going to take a test tomorrow. I will be testing on that tomorrow. I am taking a test right now. I am testing right now. I took a test yesterday. I was tested on that yesterday. Tested. Tested, it works.

Test, both a noun and a verb and works with the 'ed.

I think the most correct way to verbalize the action of sending a text message is to use the word 'send' in it's present, past, and future forms as the verb. I will send you a text message. I am sending you a text message now. I sent you a text message yesterday. Ahhh, it's good music to my ears!

BUT, English is fluid, dynamic, ever-changing, always evolving and what once was against the rules of proper English can and will become correct if enough people use that exact phrase or word of incorrectness. Yes people, you have say in what Webster publishes!

If history repeats itself, people are not too prone to change and slang and laziness begin to take over. I know the word text will not stay a noun and never a verb, again. So, if we were to use the past form of text AS A VERB without us using 'text' or 'texted' or using 'send' as the verb, how do these options sound and look to you...


texed
tex'd
texd

Because I just can't bring myself to texted anyone.