Sewing still sucks.

But I'm buying a sewing machine. I know, I told you I'm a nut job!

Okay, so remember all that trouble I had and how many days it took me to thread a needle and how I wanted to sock sewing in the face? (No? Recap here.)

Well, I still might give it a good punch in the nose but as much trouble as all that needle and thread crap is, cool things come out of frustration and fake curse words. It also doesn't help that I'm picky and want things that cost thousands of millions of dollars that you can make for like 5 cents and a sewing machine and patience. It's that patience thing I REALLY need to invest in!

Example: Crib bedding. Yeah, so baby two is on its little way and I want it to be a girl so I'm looking at girl stuff in case this thing inside me IS missing a penis (No, we don't know yet, I'm just wishful internet browsing.) and all the crib bedding I like cost more than most mortgages. It's outrageous!

So check out this one. I love the ruffles and girliness of it. I LOVE the crib skirt and the thickness of the bumper but. $1,900?! I don't think so.



And check out this one. I love how long and flowy the crib skirt is and how simple and elegant the color and fabric is. $816? I don't think so!


Okay, last one. Check it out, doesn't even look cute, you can't even SEE the crib bedding but they expect you to shell out, are you ready, $3,370.00!!!! Who does this?! Don't you people remember the amazing, exploding poop diapers that starts at about 3 months?! In no way am I going to set something down in $3,000 bedding that craps down it's leg and barfs without realizing it!



So, yeah, in no way am I going to PAY that kind of money, I would much rather make it myself but that means you guys are going to have to listen to me complain throughout the whole process. (Or you can band together and buy me one of the first two and I'll spare you the fake cursing...) No, really, don't buy them, you can feel like all of Africa for that kind of money. Point is, I'm buying a sewing machine and you can't stop me. Neener ,neener, ha ha.

Oh and check out how awesome I am. This post requires you all to comment and reassure me that I am indeed out of this world and a superstar sewer. I actually GOT the damn stocking done. It's done. It's done and people were't lying, that thing takes up your time. I'll say easily about 75 hours of sewing went into this thing. Nutso. Don't try that at home boys and girls.




Don't let the details go unnoticed. Everything is stuffed or 3-D. The face is hand stitched (Is that the right lingo?) and even the BACK of Santa is finished and 3-D. Crazy huh? (Don't forget to tell me how awesome I am.)


The two ornaments at the bottom and attaching the front to back took eight hours in a row. EIGHT! Doesn't it kinda look like an iceskating outfit threw up on Christmas and this is the outcome?! I love SEQUINS! (Oh yeah, in case I have not mentioned it, don't forget to tell me how totally rocking I am.)



A big thanks to Aurora at Green is the New Black and Jenny at Jenny's Australian Needleart Journey. Without tips from these two, this thing would be a pile of felt in my trashcan. I owe you guys a night of drinking!

Stocking Update

Sewing is stupid.

Sewing is a stupid liar and I hate it. I'm going to trip it when I see it on the playground and spread rumors and tell all the boys that it wears a retainer at night. I mean, how dorky of it right?! (P.S. Don't tell the boys I wore one too.)

Take THAT sewing.

Yeah, that's right, your not invited to my parties, EVER.

I can throw a good party.

Take THAT again sewing.

It's been, lets count, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and MONDAY. So, one, two, three (Are you with me, it's a lot of numbers?), four, FIVE. FIVE days and the thread is still NOT through the needle.

Well, I thought I got it though because it doesn't really tell you HOW to thread a needle, the directions just tell you to thread the needle. OH and speaking of directions, they go something like this...

"1- Embroider, sequin and personalize piece one then attach to piece two."

I ask, HOW DO YOU EMBROIDER? What does that even mean? You can't just tell me to do it, you have to explain, I need pictures, I need an assistant, CAN YOU SEND ME AN ASSISTANT?!?!

Okay, back to the needle. So, I'm trying to pull this fat thread that has way too many strings through this non-exsitant hole and when I say non-exsitant, I'm NOT exaggerating! Okay, maybe I am because there IS a hole, you just can't see it unless you have laser eye sight and a bright light. So, I only get a few strands of the thread through and just try to pull the rest through which unwinds the thread and ruins it, then I'm all DUH, I don't NEED the WHOLE thread through, I just need a little bit and I'll tie a knot right on the end of the needle and be done. So I do it, not really thinking straight and tie a knot where the thread meets the needle hole (Is there a technical name for needle hole?) and realize, how the hell do I get that though the sequins, or felt or ANYTHING?! So I remembered once when I saw the costume designer at Club Med "thread a needle" and she put the thread though then pulled it half way through and tied a knot WAY far away from the needle, you know, like doubling up? So I realized that I DO need to get the WHOLE thread through the needle and cut off my knot leaving me WAY less thread and I don't think the stocking kit realized how much thread I was going to be cutting away in mistakes before I even STARTED. I'm getting all pissy and thought, be calm, collect yourself, you aren't FIVE. I tried to think of this process like yoga: relaxing, but the longer I tried to thread that damn needle, the more annoyed I became. Let me tell you, I gave that thing to Geoff to do. He said it may be possible with some tweezers.

Tweezers?

Here it is Monday night. I'm low on red thread and even lower on patience.

Did I mention how much I hate sewing?

Bucilla Christmas Stocking

I decided to title this post so matter of fact purely for the search engines and no, not for extra traffic. You know how I wanted to make Sawyer a stocking and was going to be all Craft Whore and thought about my fancy stocking that someone made me with lots of love? After some searching, I'm pretty sure my stocking came from a kit, a Bucilla Stocking Kit to be exact. The felt, the sequins, the designs, it's right on with my childhood stocking. After a tiny bit of searching, I decided to go with my gut and bought this one...


Image here

After some more searching, I found cuter, more elaborate stockings I liked better then realized, they were MORE ELABORATE and decided my gut might of chosen correctly.

Then I started to freak.

Does it come with needle and thread? How do you even SEW on a sequin? Iron on felt? You can even IRON felt?

So I started searching for reviews and tips and the only thing I really found was all these people LOVE these kits, and "though on my 40th stocking, I can't get enough, do give yourself enough time, start in the summer...". Ummm, did this person say 'start in the summer' and it's her '40th stocking'?! HUH?! I found no one freaking out, no beginner jumping into a shark tank. No one I could relate with.

I think I'm in a shark tank but the sharks are sequins and stitching and I'm going to have to swim for my life.

Back to the bland title. If anyone out there decided on a whim they were going to prove their love through a homemade stocking and is now flipping out... You. Aren't. Alone.

I'm terrified.

Let the journey begin.

A Christmas Sock

You guys know I'm lame right? And not a perfectionist? Am a bit mediocre?

So, did you guys see Sawyer's costume?

Yeah, I posted pics... of him in his costume, his Halloween costume... which consisted of a shirt, jeans and an old little cap. Yup, I said cap. Happy Halloween, lazy mommy doesn't have a costume for you.

In my defense, I've been tired, incredibly tired, too tired to fight the crowds for a halloween costume and then when I actually TRIED to find one on the morning of October 31st, nothing was left but fairy princess costumes.

Then I thought, as much as I want my maybe future little girl to be in tutus as much as possible, maybe I won't dress her as a fairy or princess or combination of the two, because DAMN, can there be any more fairy princess costumes in this world? Maybe I was bitter because they had nothing for my manly, handsome, manly (Did I say manly?), NOT FAIRY PRINCESS, little man?

I look at the last pictures and hold my head in shame. Maybe I'm going overboard, but get this, I DECIDED to make Sawyer his very first Stocking. (Yeah, I know LAST year was his first Christmas but he didn't have a stocking, are you at all surprised?!) So, I'm going to be all mom like and festive, and artsy and dear God, wish me luck...