Craft Whore in Progress

In my effort to be the worlds greatest Craft Whore, I went to Michaels in search for ingredients to make a stocking. I have been to this store a few times, once I walked out nervous knowing I was WAY over my head. Next time I sat in the isle reading a book repeating 'I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.' and the last time, I went back for more paper. Eventually I was left with homemade invitations for Sawyer's birthday party that looked... like, uh, I made them?

So, I went back cause I'm street like that and I can handle my own AND left in fear yet again. How does this store do it, it's so damn intimidating?! There are all these ladies in there that walk around with mini carts full of things I've never head of or seen and they have vision. THEY HAVE VISION. The see stuff. I think it's almost like psychic math, something plus this plus sparkles plus other things will equal A NEW CAR! I mean, how do they do it? HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?! I want to be crafty! I want to have a talent, maybe even have other people purchase my services, I want to be a craft whore too!

I'm just not. How hard is it to make a stocking? When I was little, I had the cutest stocking, it had my name on it, and all sorts of sequins, and it had a pocket with a removable Santa and all sorts of other Christmasy things. See, my brother didn't have a stocking like that, he had a, dare I say it, STORE BOUGHT ONE! I knew that because mine was homemade and his was store bought that my parents liked me better. It's just truth. I speak truth. My family is not incredibly talented, no one is craft whorish so this stocking had to be easy right?!?!

I saw no easy stocking recipe in sight. I figured they would have kits, you know like they have cookie dough in a tube if you suck at baking, why don't that have you suck at crafting, craft kits for people like me?!?! I want to fake it!!! After not seeing any kits and realizing that I didn't even own a needle and thread that I was indeed in the wrong place. People looked at me but no one asked if I needed help. I mean, even the people in J Crew ask if you need help and you don't really need help but there I was, lost and scared and alone and NO ONE OFFERED HELP!!!!

I walked out deflated, yet again. Michaels, you win but I'll be back, I'm a sore loser and I'll fight dirty.

And soon I'll need dentures.

I have no problems admitting I'm dorky. Slow and old. I get it, I'm a mom, my ten year reunion came and went and the things I worry about now are bills and the safety of my family.

BUT, I didn't think I was THAT old or THAT slow until I watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.

Have you seen this?

No?

Let me explain...

My expectation of the movie: Cute little high school kids, one falls in love with the cute little boy from Juno but cute little boy likes little mean girl. All like music. Funny stuff happens and everything works out in the end.

Boy was I off.

Fist of all THESE KIDS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL doing little high school things!!! High School! Instead you had teener boppers IN HIGH SCHOOL running around in clubs getting super wasted.

I have nothing against getting super wasted... if you are TWENTY FREAKIN' ONE! Obey the law people!

Did I tell you guys I've never had a sip of alcohol until well after I hit my 21st birthday??? See, that was me slow and innocent. I understand that those days are long gone and people under 21 drink... but at clubs where bartenders serve and don't card in New York City? Really? I just don't think so and if it IS so, I don't like it.

So the main girl Norah isn't drinking but she is suppose to be the smart, ugly one who really isn't ugly at all. Norah babysits her wasted off her mind friend who is soooo drunk, she pukes in a toilet then fishes her gum out of said toilet and puts it back in her mouth. Both girls are friends with cute, mean girl who happens to be the ex of the main guy, Nick. Get it, Nick and Norah and their teeny bopper friends.

So mean girl is mean and says to Norah something like, Ohhhh, it's good you are going to college because I hear guys there like brains over beauty.

And Norah is all, I don't care, I have a boyfriend.

And mean girl is all, WHAT, who, where?

And Norah finds some random guy and JUST MAKES OUT WITH HIM!!!

She makes out with some random guy at what, 14 years old? Right there I was shocked.

So later in the movie we find out that everyone in Norah's school makes fun of her because she has never had an orgasm.

WHAT? Again, HOW OLD ARE YOU?

Throughout the movie they are getting into random clubs, bypassing the red velvet rope searching for some band. Nick wonders why whenever he is with Norah he gets special treatment.

Mean girl starts to get jealous and drunk girl is lost, puking in random places.

They find drunk girl, Nick tells mean girl what he thinks by ditching her in some ALLEY in the middle of the CITY (Again, WHAT?! Who does that?) and Norah shows Nick why she is so popular with the bar folk... her daddy owns a recording studio. So, she takes him there... and he is all in awe, and soo they end up on some couch together.

Okay, so picture this,

Two little teenagers on some couch in daddy's recording studio, laying on each other. ON each other. Camera pans out to some sort of recording equipment that lights up when sound is being recorded. You then see the lights going off and HEAR Norah having an ORGASM.

Ummmm?

Are you disturbed yet because I was!

So, they pan back to the kids who have their clothes on. I felt a little relieved that they were dressed but i know what I heard! THEN, they get up, and, are you ready, ZIP UP THEIR PANTS!!!!

I sat there with my jaw to the floor.

Am I that old? THAT out of touch? I understand that kids move a lot faster than I did, and they did so when I was in school and I'm sure move WAY faster now. When I was that age, I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't mature enough. I didn't think some little guy in high school with dreams of getting to Jr. College deserved my innocence but what REALLY shocks me is that all this is a movie, promoted to our teenagers. Promoted as a good time, funny, quirky movie.

After sharing my opinion on this movie, most people didn't understand my shock and disappointment in Hollywood except for one person.

This person said she set a goal for herself this year to not be shy about how she feels towards situations that make her uncomfortable. To emphasize respect and let kids know when she doesn't feel respected.

She'll shout "LANGUAGE!" at kids who are cursing near her and other ladies and usually receives the middle finger. What is wrong with kids today? And how old am I asking 'what is wrong with kids today'?!

Another friend said she saw an older woman walk a teenage looking boy to the door and waved goodbye to him as he walked down the sidewalk lighting up a cigarette.

That isn't okay!

YES people smoked in high school but they hid it from every adult possible and from kids they thought might tell. It wasn't okay then and I don't think it should be accepted now. It was not okay to break the law, do bad things and knew if ANY adult saw them, they would bet that adult would tell their parents.

If I did something like that walking out my door, you can be sure whoever saw me would knock on the door I walked out of asking to speak to the head of the household and inform the parental figures the shenanigans they witnessed. They would be sure an adult in the house would know. Strangers felt responsible for the youth and I didn't grow up in a small town people! What happened to this? Why don't we care? Would you say something to a stranger if you thought their kid was doing something they shouldn't or am I just WAY out of touch?!?!