Actually I'm honored.

You guys think SOOOO highly of me.

You guys give me seriously sooo much more credit than I deserve.

Let me explain:

You thought I had motivation enough to DECORATE that tree.

After cutting it down, twisting it through a single door and almost killing innocent children getting the tree up.

OR you can say I'm a hero because I muscled up and threw the tree against the wall when it was about to fall on Sawyer.

Yeah, that's right, after being all heroish and all, I was way too damn lazy to decorate that thing.

Pictures, you all want pictures?!

OF IT DECORATED?!?!

Hell, we were lucky we got the thing in the door. In fact, I was sooo damn lazy after getting that thing up, ribbon still hung from a branch that was still all rolled up on it's cardboard ribbon-holder thing.

Soo, yeah, I don't think I have any pictures. Geoff actually took off the ribbon that wasn't even doing the tree any good.

On another note, we did Christmas the day after getting the tree so Sawyer could celebrate it while Grandma was in town meaning around December 15ish, I was totally over Christmas and ready to get all that stuff back to the basement. I know, I'm a disappointment.

But on a slightly more positive, non-lazy note; COMING SOON to an Etsy near you:

Charlotte's Thread Headbands:









Obviously I need WAY better pictures but you get the drift. I am also trying to do colors that are harder to find like Geoff's favorite is a neon pink and black headband I made. More to come!

Love you guys like I love sprouts on my sandwich, Happy new year!!!

Size Matters

We just cut down our Christmas tree. Don't worry, I made sure our life insurance policy was still active before standing under it... or climbing it.

Christmas card pictures are going GREAT over here.

I swear to Madonna if these kids don't smile soon (Or stop picking their nose, crying, banging a little sister's head into the wall, etc.), Santa might get lost on the way to our house this year.

DON'T TEST SANTA!

My DIY Wreath

I told you guys I was excited for Christmas! I put together this wreath yesterday and I think it took like five minutes tops. Sooo easy. I had no idea what I was doing and just went with it; I think it turned out nicely!

Total cost of materials: $10 (with a few leftover bulbs).

Sooo much cheaper than buying one already made!

Happy Friday!

The Nutcracker

Is there anything better than a nutcracker with a cupcake on his head that is ALSO an advent calendar?!




Didn't think so!

25 days until CHRISTMAS!

(Or is it 24 now?)

SHUTTERFLY Christmas Cards and 50 free cards for BLOGGERS!

I opened a box a few weeks ago and gasped in excitement: red and green felt galore. My mother in law sent me a birthday package filled with Christmas craft goodies.

She said, "I really hope you like it."

I mean, does she know me, OF COURSE I LIKE IT! I'm in love with it.

Christmas is my favorite of all time, the cookies, the decorating, the love you send to others, the music, the movies, the SANTA, the CARDS! Now I'm just using caps because I'm EXCITED! I was pretty lazy last year (meaning tired and pregnant) and ready to have a festive (meaning totally over the top) celebration this year.

By festive, I don't mean expensive, but loving and spirited and VERY red and green!

This year I'm sending my awesome family and friends Shutterfly Christmas cards with pictures of my cute kids.

I love Shutterfly! We have lots of shutterfly love in this house, picture books from vacations, prints in frames, and this year we are sending some cute pictures and loving words in a holiday card from Shutterfly.

Have you used them before? Let me tell you, it's easier to load your pictures onto Shutterfly than facebook, the resolution is never compromised and the possibilities are endless.

LETS GET ONTO THE CARDS!!!

This Gift Tag Card is adorable!!!


Your favorite picture wrapped up like a cute little Christmas tag is a simple and classy way to send your cheer.

Sparkling Lime Snowflakes might be the card for us. Can the sample picture of the boy making a snow angel be any cuter?

Of course my husband would be hogging the three pictures to the left chainsawing or skiing down our driveway.

And my favorite of all, Holly Chocolate. It's cute, classy and it has my name in it. Does it get much better?


Shutterfly has an assortment of cards to suite your family's needs including Holiday Photo Cards, Christian Christmas Cards, even Custom Christmas Cards not to mention Holiday Gift Tags and Christmas Party Invitations. If you don't know Shutterfly, they are worth checking out!


If you blog, you can receive 50 free cards just by spreading the word. Go here for more info!

I love you guys and can't wait to show you the finished card. Did I mention I already got the cutest outfits for the Christmas picture? CUTEST!

Sewing still sucks.

But I'm buying a sewing machine. I know, I told you I'm a nut job!

Okay, so remember all that trouble I had and how many days it took me to thread a needle and how I wanted to sock sewing in the face? (No? Recap here.)

Well, I still might give it a good punch in the nose but as much trouble as all that needle and thread crap is, cool things come out of frustration and fake curse words. It also doesn't help that I'm picky and want things that cost thousands of millions of dollars that you can make for like 5 cents and a sewing machine and patience. It's that patience thing I REALLY need to invest in!

Example: Crib bedding. Yeah, so baby two is on its little way and I want it to be a girl so I'm looking at girl stuff in case this thing inside me IS missing a penis (No, we don't know yet, I'm just wishful internet browsing.) and all the crib bedding I like cost more than most mortgages. It's outrageous!

So check out this one. I love the ruffles and girliness of it. I LOVE the crib skirt and the thickness of the bumper but. $1,900?! I don't think so.



And check out this one. I love how long and flowy the crib skirt is and how simple and elegant the color and fabric is. $816? I don't think so!


Okay, last one. Check it out, doesn't even look cute, you can't even SEE the crib bedding but they expect you to shell out, are you ready, $3,370.00!!!! Who does this?! Don't you people remember the amazing, exploding poop diapers that starts at about 3 months?! In no way am I going to set something down in $3,000 bedding that craps down it's leg and barfs without realizing it!



So, yeah, in no way am I going to PAY that kind of money, I would much rather make it myself but that means you guys are going to have to listen to me complain throughout the whole process. (Or you can band together and buy me one of the first two and I'll spare you the fake cursing...) No, really, don't buy them, you can feel like all of Africa for that kind of money. Point is, I'm buying a sewing machine and you can't stop me. Neener ,neener, ha ha.

Oh and check out how awesome I am. This post requires you all to comment and reassure me that I am indeed out of this world and a superstar sewer. I actually GOT the damn stocking done. It's done. It's done and people were't lying, that thing takes up your time. I'll say easily about 75 hours of sewing went into this thing. Nutso. Don't try that at home boys and girls.




Don't let the details go unnoticed. Everything is stuffed or 3-D. The face is hand stitched (Is that the right lingo?) and even the BACK of Santa is finished and 3-D. Crazy huh? (Don't forget to tell me how awesome I am.)


The two ornaments at the bottom and attaching the front to back took eight hours in a row. EIGHT! Doesn't it kinda look like an iceskating outfit threw up on Christmas and this is the outcome?! I love SEQUINS! (Oh yeah, in case I have not mentioned it, don't forget to tell me how totally rocking I am.)



A big thanks to Aurora at Green is the New Black and Jenny at Jenny's Australian Needleart Journey. Without tips from these two, this thing would be a pile of felt in my trashcan. I owe you guys a night of drinking!

Almost....

The tree is up and a little stinker I know helped me decorate.





Our tree is decorated only half way up to the top, being sure to keep any glass ornaments out of Sawyer's reach. Not happy with our decision to keep a piece of Christmas out of his hands, I peek over to see Sawyer with the broom and I swear within a freakin' SECOND, he swung twice, the broom like a bat, and shattered two ornaments.

It still makes me laugh.

Merry almost Christmas, from me and my little slugger.

Stocking Update

Sewing is stupid.

Sewing is a stupid liar and I hate it. I'm going to trip it when I see it on the playground and spread rumors and tell all the boys that it wears a retainer at night. I mean, how dorky of it right?! (P.S. Don't tell the boys I wore one too.)

Take THAT sewing.

Yeah, that's right, your not invited to my parties, EVER.

I can throw a good party.

Take THAT again sewing.

It's been, lets count, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and MONDAY. So, one, two, three (Are you with me, it's a lot of numbers?), four, FIVE. FIVE days and the thread is still NOT through the needle.

Well, I thought I got it though because it doesn't really tell you HOW to thread a needle, the directions just tell you to thread the needle. OH and speaking of directions, they go something like this...

"1- Embroider, sequin and personalize piece one then attach to piece two."

I ask, HOW DO YOU EMBROIDER? What does that even mean? You can't just tell me to do it, you have to explain, I need pictures, I need an assistant, CAN YOU SEND ME AN ASSISTANT?!?!

Okay, back to the needle. So, I'm trying to pull this fat thread that has way too many strings through this non-exsitant hole and when I say non-exsitant, I'm NOT exaggerating! Okay, maybe I am because there IS a hole, you just can't see it unless you have laser eye sight and a bright light. So, I only get a few strands of the thread through and just try to pull the rest through which unwinds the thread and ruins it, then I'm all DUH, I don't NEED the WHOLE thread through, I just need a little bit and I'll tie a knot right on the end of the needle and be done. So I do it, not really thinking straight and tie a knot where the thread meets the needle hole (Is there a technical name for needle hole?) and realize, how the hell do I get that though the sequins, or felt or ANYTHING?! So I remembered once when I saw the costume designer at Club Med "thread a needle" and she put the thread though then pulled it half way through and tied a knot WAY far away from the needle, you know, like doubling up? So I realized that I DO need to get the WHOLE thread through the needle and cut off my knot leaving me WAY less thread and I don't think the stocking kit realized how much thread I was going to be cutting away in mistakes before I even STARTED. I'm getting all pissy and thought, be calm, collect yourself, you aren't FIVE. I tried to think of this process like yoga: relaxing, but the longer I tried to thread that damn needle, the more annoyed I became. Let me tell you, I gave that thing to Geoff to do. He said it may be possible with some tweezers.

Tweezers?

Here it is Monday night. I'm low on red thread and even lower on patience.

Did I mention how much I hate sewing?

The World we Live In

Target has Mens XBox Call of Duty pajama bottoms.

In the MENS department.

In MENS sizes.

I'm predicting a downward spiral from here on out.

(I also told Santa about them. Shhhh...)

Bucilla Christmas Stocking

I decided to title this post so matter of fact purely for the search engines and no, not for extra traffic. You know how I wanted to make Sawyer a stocking and was going to be all Craft Whore and thought about my fancy stocking that someone made me with lots of love? After some searching, I'm pretty sure my stocking came from a kit, a Bucilla Stocking Kit to be exact. The felt, the sequins, the designs, it's right on with my childhood stocking. After a tiny bit of searching, I decided to go with my gut and bought this one...


Image here

After some more searching, I found cuter, more elaborate stockings I liked better then realized, they were MORE ELABORATE and decided my gut might of chosen correctly.

Then I started to freak.

Does it come with needle and thread? How do you even SEW on a sequin? Iron on felt? You can even IRON felt?

So I started searching for reviews and tips and the only thing I really found was all these people LOVE these kits, and "though on my 40th stocking, I can't get enough, do give yourself enough time, start in the summer...". Ummm, did this person say 'start in the summer' and it's her '40th stocking'?! HUH?! I found no one freaking out, no beginner jumping into a shark tank. No one I could relate with.

I think I'm in a shark tank but the sharks are sequins and stitching and I'm going to have to swim for my life.

Back to the bland title. If anyone out there decided on a whim they were going to prove their love through a homemade stocking and is now flipping out... You. Aren't. Alone.

I'm terrified.

Let the journey begin.

Craft Whore in Progress

In my effort to be the worlds greatest Craft Whore, I went to Michaels in search for ingredients to make a stocking. I have been to this store a few times, once I walked out nervous knowing I was WAY over my head. Next time I sat in the isle reading a book repeating 'I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.' and the last time, I went back for more paper. Eventually I was left with homemade invitations for Sawyer's birthday party that looked... like, uh, I made them?

So, I went back cause I'm street like that and I can handle my own AND left in fear yet again. How does this store do it, it's so damn intimidating?! There are all these ladies in there that walk around with mini carts full of things I've never head of or seen and they have vision. THEY HAVE VISION. The see stuff. I think it's almost like psychic math, something plus this plus sparkles plus other things will equal A NEW CAR! I mean, how do they do it? HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?! I want to be crafty! I want to have a talent, maybe even have other people purchase my services, I want to be a craft whore too!

I'm just not. How hard is it to make a stocking? When I was little, I had the cutest stocking, it had my name on it, and all sorts of sequins, and it had a pocket with a removable Santa and all sorts of other Christmasy things. See, my brother didn't have a stocking like that, he had a, dare I say it, STORE BOUGHT ONE! I knew that because mine was homemade and his was store bought that my parents liked me better. It's just truth. I speak truth. My family is not incredibly talented, no one is craft whorish so this stocking had to be easy right?!?!

I saw no easy stocking recipe in sight. I figured they would have kits, you know like they have cookie dough in a tube if you suck at baking, why don't that have you suck at crafting, craft kits for people like me?!?! I want to fake it!!! After not seeing any kits and realizing that I didn't even own a needle and thread that I was indeed in the wrong place. People looked at me but no one asked if I needed help. I mean, even the people in J Crew ask if you need help and you don't really need help but there I was, lost and scared and alone and NO ONE OFFERED HELP!!!!

I walked out deflated, yet again. Michaels, you win but I'll be back, I'm a sore loser and I'll fight dirty.

A Christmas Sock

You guys know I'm lame right? And not a perfectionist? Am a bit mediocre?

So, did you guys see Sawyer's costume?

Yeah, I posted pics... of him in his costume, his Halloween costume... which consisted of a shirt, jeans and an old little cap. Yup, I said cap. Happy Halloween, lazy mommy doesn't have a costume for you.

In my defense, I've been tired, incredibly tired, too tired to fight the crowds for a halloween costume and then when I actually TRIED to find one on the morning of October 31st, nothing was left but fairy princess costumes.

Then I thought, as much as I want my maybe future little girl to be in tutus as much as possible, maybe I won't dress her as a fairy or princess or combination of the two, because DAMN, can there be any more fairy princess costumes in this world? Maybe I was bitter because they had nothing for my manly, handsome, manly (Did I say manly?), NOT FAIRY PRINCESS, little man?

I look at the last pictures and hold my head in shame. Maybe I'm going overboard, but get this, I DECIDED to make Sawyer his very first Stocking. (Yeah, I know LAST year was his first Christmas but he didn't have a stocking, are you at all surprised?!) So, I'm going to be all mom like and festive, and artsy and dear God, wish me luck...

Happy New Year and Other Fine Things

It's the last day of 2008. This year started out the slowest in history. Counting it by the weeks, WEEKS I say! That's what happens when you are pregnant, not comfortable and would kill for a decent nights sleep. Halfway through that year, June first, that slow as molasses year started it's lightning speed journey. I feel like it was June 1st yesterday. That day in June is the day I had Sawyer. A totally amazing, tiring, painful, beautiful, slimy, gross, uncomfortable, miraculous day. Life has not and will never be the same. This little guy in my life is absolutely amazing and I only wish that everyone could experience the joys I experience with my new family.

Other things happened in 2008. I finally started to like Denver. It took a while, but Denver is home to me. Home. It feels good and I am happy to be here. It feels good not to live out of a black carry on suit case. I'm also happy that in this cold weather I can go skiing or hang by the fire with my spiked cider. This year I skied for the first time in a long time and have this illusion that I'm going to be really good by the end of the season, because you know, I saw people on TV doing cool stuff and I figure I can too. Like, back flips off of jumps. You watch!

Every day this year I am constantly reminded how amazing my friends are. I have the best friends ever. My friends are probably better than your friends, unless you are my friend reading this right now, in that case, I talk about how amazing you are ALL THE TIME! Most of my family is absolutely psychotic and my friends have always taken over the role most of my family member have failed in. I am sooo thankful for that! Every day I am thankful for them. You choose your friends. They don't have to be nice to me, they don't have to spoil me, they don't have to plan baby showers for me, but they do. I'm also super thankful for the family I married into. Goeff's family is fantastic, thanks for accepting me as Geoff's wifey!

We have had the chance to travel a lot this year. Maybe it's not a lot compared to how much I traveled as a flight attendant, but we got around. I went to California twice while I was pregnant. Once to help take care of my grandma (I miss you!!!) and another to help my aunt with some things and have my baby shower! Sawyer came into this world and got to spend a week in New York celebrating his great grandma's 100th Birthday! We spent a week in Turks and Caicos where Geoff got to meet even more of my friends, yup, some more really awesome friends I talk about all the time. We also got to scuba dive, walk the white beaches and relax at the Conch Shack. A few days ago we got back from California where we ate Sushi with Janice at Nobu, dinner with Kim and her parents surrounded by more friends, and spending Christmas with Aunt Jackie and Uncle Laurent relaxing and sipping Port. Yum Yum!


Other things I did and or learned this year...

I went to my first Hockey Game, go Colorado! I threw an awesome party for my husbands Birthday and plan to make it an annual shindig. I realized it doesn't matter how athletic you are, you can still suck at kickball. I learned that if you are going to make fun of someone, don't do it right before you slip on liquid soap from a broken soap dispenser at TJ Max and can't get back up. I learned not to dress as Amy Winehouse for a party before you lose your pregnancy weight. I learned not to get wasted from 2 glasses of wine (Low tolerance these days!) the night before an 8 hour aerobic workshop.


More than anything though, I'm so thankful I am in the spot in life I am right now. Life isn't perfect, at all, but it's what you make of it. I'm really happy at this point! My husband is the most amazing man on this planet. I stand firm on that statement. Sawyer is super adorable and amazingly sweet. He is going to make a mark on this world! My friends rock but I already told you that. I have my health and so do those closest to me. I couldn't ask for anything more... except maybe a hair cut... I need a hair cut pretty bad right now.

Thank you everyone who has made this year a memorable one! It's almost 2009, lets drink!

Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl

I love books. LOVE THEM! I'm excited that the moms group I am in might start a book club. I need some sort of kick in the butt like that to start reading again. I used to read a few books a week. It got ridiculous. I spent WAY too much money on books. Sometimes I skewed reality with what I was reading. Someone would say something to me which reminded me of a memory I had of so and so and what they did and what happened. It always was some great story, but not my real memory. I had to check myself and really think, is this real or a book you read? I read a lot. Really, a lot. Ever since I had Sawyer the reading has gone down the drain. Not all of it, I mean, I can recite most Dr. Seuss books without looking at a single page, but sometimes you need to read something for yourself. AND, well, sometimes you can't. Sometimes you need a book that you can read to your baby that will entertain the mommy as well. This book takes the cake!

Revolting Rhymes. A Christmas present from Auntie Jackie and Uncle Laurent.

And I quote...

"Next day, the Prince went charging down
to knock on all the doors in town.In every house, the tension grew.
Who was the owner of the shoe?
The shoe was long and very wide.
(A normal foot got lost inside.)
Also it smelled a wee bit icky.
(The owner's feet were hot and sticky.)
Thousands of eager people came
To try it on, but all in vain.
Now came the Ugly Sisters' go.
One tried it on. The Prince screamed, 'No!'
But she screamed, 'Yes! It fits! Whoopee!
'So now you've got to marry me!'
The Prince went white from ear to ear.
He muttered, "Let me out of here.'
'Oh no you don't! You made a vow!
'There's no way you can back out now!'
'Off with her head!' the Prince roared back.
They chopped it off with one big whack.
This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said,
'She's prettier without her head.'...


Any guesses on the name of this fairy tale? Lol! This book is great, a little gory, somewhat gross but the the nice guy always comes out on top and mommy and baby are both entertained.

Search for it, it's totally worth it and a book daddy's will be happy to read to the kiddos!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, has an awesome New Years and starts 2009 WITH their head!

To the Lady Who Yelled the 'F' Word.

We were suppose to take the 8:00pm shuttle. We were there first and jumped on the 7:30. Ha ha huh ha HA! (Maybe you should have showed up earlier!)

You have to understand, we are traveling with a baby. EVERY FLIGHT WE WERE ON GOT SCREWED UP and I'm not waiting another damn minute to get home. So, I jumped on your shuttle.

We are sitting in the blue shuttle at the Denver Airport. The driver took our tickets and said to get in. The shuttle was packed. There was not one seat open. At all. I had a little knot in my stomach thinking they might kick us off. Well, because we weren't in the right shuttle. People walked up, looked in at all the occupied seats and left the shuttle annoyed that there was not any openings, but, to the lady who said the F word, you really made us laugh.

You looked into the shuttle. There are ten seats with ten seat belts. Seven adults and three car seats occupied those ten seats but you could not help yourself from looking at each seat yelling, "What about THAT one?! That one, RIGHT THERE?!?!" Uhh, don't you see someone sitting there?? You did that with EVERY seat. Even the ones with the car seat like you were just going to squat right on top and get yourself a ride home. You weren't. You said in a snoody tone like you were going to SHOW us, "Well then, I'll just sit in front!" We all said someone sitting there too, but you had to check for yourself. You opened the door, slammed it, looked back into the van and yelled, FUCKKKKK!!!!!!

You said the 'F' word!!!! You were this older, innocent looking lady and you yelled the 'F' word!

You probably were annoyed. Who isn't annoyed when they travel and everything goes wrong. Since our flights got messed up, Ill assume yours did too.

We were suppose to leave for L.A. on Saturday about 2pm. Our flight got changed to 9:30pm, then delayed several hours. We boarded the plane in Denver after midnight with a crying baby only to watch the news on the TV placed on the headrest in front of us. A plane in Denver just went off the runway and was in flames. IN DENVER. Right NOW! WOW! Needless to say, we were all shocked, pulled our seat belts a little tighter and were happy when we took off and landed safely. We got to bed about 4:30am on Sunday. Not fun.

That left me with hardly any time in L.A. to see family and friends (A whole different story, a whole different blog for a WHOLE different time!) before we had to head down to San Diego to see Sawyer's Auntie and Uncle. They were flying in from New York and were scheduled to arrive at 2:00pm. Their flight got diverted from Chicago to Ohio, back to Chicago then to San Diego. Obviously they didn't arrive home until around 8:30pm.

Yesterday we left San Diego super early to make our flight in L.A. only to find out that that flight was delayed 8 hours. Woo-hoo! Since we were sooo early they placed us on the late morning flight until they found out we didn't have to connect. We gave up our seats so those making connections COULD make them (Cause we are nice sometimes) and settled for a 3:30pm flight and felt lucky that we didn't show up any later and get stuck waiting at the airport until 8pm or so to fly out. Again, I'm traveling with a baby. Not the most fun thing.

So, when I purchase shuttle tickets and they say I'll have to wait ANOTHER HOUR there while I'm starving, tired and don't think I can calm Sawyer another minute, I took a chance and jumped on YOUR shuttle instead.

You had a right to yell the F word. My family stole your seats and feel REALLY good about our decision. Happy Holidays!!!!

The Great Reach

I put Sawyer in the bouncer today so I could get a few thing done and I see this from the corner of my eye.  What is he doing?!?!

He eyes the shiny, off-limits 'toy' and goes for the reach.

Getting closer!!! I swear I can hear his thoughts, get it before mom catches me!

Transfixed by it's shininess and sharp edges. Almosssst got it!!!!!!

Like I'll never notice the missing tree.

I think he's in love.  

I move the tree out of his reach.  After he tries a few times to reach it, he realizes that he needs some momentum to get his body out of the seat enough to get to the tree.  My kid is freakin' smart.  Maybe he isn't, but this is a new thing and being the proud mommy, I brag. So, he throws his body back until the bouncer launches him forward.  This is him mid bounce...



After a few bounces, he is where he needs to be, but the tree is not.




Annoyed he can't reach it but he sure as hell tried.  All this work for a fake tree that mommy ultimately takes away. I'm so mean, he is so cute, I love him and we all love Christmas!

Speed Racer

I am a grandma driver and happy to admit it. I'm slow. I'm cautious. My husband is not. He likes to go fast, skiing, driving, whatever, he likes to go fast. This is why ME getting a speeding ticket is surprising. I got a speeding ticket for going 20 miles per hour over the speed limit dropping a friend off at the airport. I was MERGING officer, not SPEEDING. Okay, so I had to speed up to merge, but my husband says that is the American way. Can't blame me for that, can you?

The ticket says yes.

So, I had to go to court last night. Since the officer said I was going twenty over (Not true, but whatever.), I had to settle it in court. My set time was at 7:30pm. PM! Don't you find that weird? Still I thought, this is good, everyone that works near the capitol will be home, parking will be a breeze. I don't know what I was thinking. I for sure was not remembering that I have the worst luck. The Denver County building gets all decked out for Christmas. A whole light spectacular. This is nice. This is nice at any time except when you have to be in that building when it's dark out and a parking space is required. ALL the spots were blocked off for onlookers and venders selling multi colored beam saber things. Why you need a beam saber thing to check out the Christmas lights is beyond me. I found a spot blocks away, stepped through all the melted puddles of snow a person could, and made my way into the court room. I felt like a felon. My rights were read. I stood up in front of the judge and pleaded guilty. Guilty. Isn't that weird to say? Guilty. My fine stayed the same, but the points on my record were cut in half. Thanks kind sir.

As I walked out, I walked in front of the nativity scene and thought, play it off Holl, you're not here to be convicted of speeding, you are here to give you're shout out to Jesus. Happy Birthday Baby Jesus, don't speed twenty over.