Who am I, Paul Walker?!

I don't like to break laws. I'm a fan of speed limits. Hell, I'm a fan of speed limits, seat belts, helmets, anything safe! My friend actually calls me the safety police, because, well, I don't want you hurt. I don't want to be hurt myself. If you get hurt during my time with you, that turns time that could have been fun, to a time that is no fun at all. Do you want to sit in the emergency room for hours? Didn't think so. So, why do things to amplify your possibility of getting hurt?

This is not to say I don't enjoy adventurous fun. I LOVE adventurous activities! Rock climbing, skiing, scuba diving, trapeze tricks, kite boarding, bungee jumping, sky diving, BRING IT ON! However, the majority of injuries are average people doing average things... like driving down the road.

If you are going to drive down a road, please do so safe. Do you know that you are driving in a killing machine? Yeah, a car. That car can do damage well beyond your most people's imagination. Yes, I drive slow. I'm a grandma driver. I've talked about that (and my failure of that) before here.

So, it cracks me up when some ghetto young thing pulls up in his Honda whatever with spinning rims and tries to race me. First, get rid of your spinning rims. No one likes them. They aren't cool and they don't make you cool. In fact, they take away your cool points, like, A LOT of your cool points. Oops, your in the red. Get it? These guys pull up, look over at me and rev their engine.

I'm just a mommy driving my baby home from the grocery store. Do you really think I'm going to race you? Do you SEE the car seat in the back? How about the re-usable Whole Foods bags full of groceries on the back seat, NEXT to my baby in his seat? Did I mention I have a baby in here? DON'T TRY TO RACE ME! In fact, don't try to race anyone, it's not safe.

I get it. I guess the car we drive goes fast. I don't really understand how fast because I don't get all the technical jargon my husband and his friends talk about. I don't get when they ask me how much fun I have driving it. I don't know what super charged something with something chips means. I'm clueless. Are the tires full? Is there fuel in there? Will it get me to the store and back? That's all I need to know.

I guess others know more about engine crap than I do; they pull up to me AND rev their engine AND look at me all weird AND I feel uncomfortable. I feel absolutely uncomfortable.

I don't know how to play cool when I'm uncomfortable. ANYONE within miles can tell I'm not in my comfort zone. My face is red. My eyes dart back and forth. I smile with confused eyes and look away quickly. I pretend to play with the radio. I beg the light to turn green. I'm not having fun.

I like to have fun.

Don't race me. From what I don't know about the car, if you did try to race me, I would win. BUT, I don't want to win, I'll lose gracefully. I want to be happy and comfortable and not RED. I want to get my child home safe. I want to arrive home with 12 eggs enact. I don't want to hear your engine rev and I don't want you to look at me strange, and more than anything, I want everyone else to be safe. Who are you to jeapordize that?

Life is precious.

Spinning rims are not.

I wouldn't say this if I didn't love you.

I'm no Paul Walker, I'm Safety Police!!!