Saturday, March 21, 2009

If you see the Wizard, can you bring us back some Courage?

Dream the other night:

I am house siting for a friend over the weekend, Geoff isn't with me for whatever reason but Sawyer is. I remember being excited for the weekend to end and see Geoff again. I'm nervous about my parking spot, wasn't sure where to park exactly or if I needed a permit. The last thing I need is a parking ticket and something about my decision of parking location was not right. I'm at my friend's condo on the beach while she was on vacation. It's Sunday already (It's a dream, days FLY!) and some lady walks in, apparently the housekeeper. My friend doesn't have a housekeeper. I was at the wrong house all weekend. I'm really getting excited to leave but the house keeper points up to the window above the door, I see water and fish are slamming against it. The tide is not only high, but water is basically flooding the entire outdoor condo and parking area. Waves are crashing over the house. This must be normal because housekeeper lady is not shocked. I'm freaking out, I don't know how I'm going to get out of this house and keep Sawyer safe. I know that I need to stay inside, but all I want to do is get out of this house with my son safely, and hug my husband.


Real Life:

I feel like my head is in a bucket of confusion. I just want to pull it off and see what is ahead of me. I'm not a super planner but I don't think timelines are bad. I wouldn't be so antsy if I knew when things were going to happen. I'm not a palm reader, I'm not clairvoyant. I need to chill.

Two words: House Hunting.

Why did I think this was going to be fun? I love where we are currently, there is just no room to grow. There is no room to store things. Sawyer's baby swing is still in our living room, we have no other place to put it. What we can't store, what we don't use, we sell on craigslist. There are just some things we have to keep. Our "pantry" consists of one small cabinet. This is creatively do-able for a family of three, but when a fourth comes along, this will be impossible. I want a real pantry, I want kitchen space to store plates and glasses and a blender and mixing bowls AND not have to put any of it on top of the fridge. I want a guest room. I want to decorate. I want to pick paint colors. I want to be all HGTV; currently all I am is House Hunters, I would rather be a little more Divine Design.

Two people, two tastes.

In some ways Geoff and I could not be more different. I think that is how we work so well together. I'm a city girl, he's a mountain man. I could scuba dive all day every day if that couldn't kill you. Geoff feels the same about skiing. I prefer places that skip winter all together, Geoff's ultimate dream home destination is Alaska. He's the sensitive one; the nice guy. I'm pretty fast to tell you how I feel, and you can forget second chances. So, after weeks of house searching, I don't think it should be too surprising I was tired and felt a little deflated. Every home we walk out of, one says, I LOVE it!! The other, NO WAY!

It's a big decision, it's our future house. It's the place we want Sawyer to remember his childhood in, the house he invites his friends to, the room he tries to sneak girls in, the windows he tries to sneak out of. The house he ruins after throwing a party while mommy and daddy are on vacation. The house he tortures his little sister in and years later the house he questions her future boyfriends, just trying to be protective. We want to create traditions, decorate for holidays, cook for friends, invite neighbors over. We want to put our heart into it. We want to make it our own, we both want to love it.

I think my dream the other night couldn't explain how I feel about the decision ahead of us any more perfectly. I'm nervous. I'm afraid we'll make a decision and we'll be stuck in a house that isn't ours. Geoff loses his job soon, which is one reason we can buy a house now, though the flip side of that, is not having paycheck coming in every two weeks. That makes us nervous. I don't want to put us in a bad spot, but at the same time, we are ready. We are ready to move on. We want to raise Sawyer in the best possible area, above everything, we just want to protect him and keep him safe. Lower downtown Denver is not that spot.

The other day on HGTV (I'm totally addicted.), the designers did an amazing makeover to someone's living room. They called it, the courageous makeover. The style was very different than what was there before, the owners were nervous, but the end result was amazing. I realized, we need to make a courageous decision, whether that is to buy or not to buy, we need to be courageous.

This weekend, we looked in a completely different place than we were looking before. Yesterday we both found a house we love. It's in Breckenridge, insanely close to skiing, close to town, an amazing neighborhood, a great house for a great price.

After seeing it twice in one day, we shook on it. We are going to do what we can to go for it. We are going to be courageous.

Last night I had a dream I was sitting in a living room with friends eating cookies. There are few things that make me happier in life than good friends and good cookies.

I feel content.

I feel ready.

Wish us luck.

Wish us courage.

6 comments:

Juliana said...

Those cookies better have been those peanut butter ones you bragged about making during pregnancy that I wanted to jump into the computer to eat with you...oh and you better have wine.

NOW....Breck...that is a little further away from D-town than Evergreen---but they do have amazing real estate AND you could always stay with us when you come down!

Unknown said...

Actually there wasn't any wine, or drinks in my dream at all. Pretty shocking if you know who I am! haha! See how happy this house makes me? I'm getting nervous about it. We both really like it, but there is some red tape to get through. Just found out that the house sold for over 300k more in 2005. Geeze! Two people already put in offers that were denied. So, we still have a chance! We need to jump on it, but still have a lot we need to do, like possibly sell this place. I'm just liking it too much and need to not in case we don't get it. :( Thanks for the offer to let us stay with you! We take people up on stuff like that, so careful what you say, hee hee!

Unknown said...

Luck and courage to you! We've been living through this with my sister-in-law who is house-hunting. In her honor, I had a dream last night that she was looking into a job as a Cabaret/Burlesque dancer to pay for her new house.

Nice.

fallgirly said...

I'm excited for you! Everyone says you have to just jump in, you're scared but whatever is meant to happen will. GOOD LUCK! Keep us posted!

G. B. Miller said...

Good luck and here's hoping you get blessed with an overflow of courage.

As an old saying goes, "nothing ventured, nothing gained."

Unknown said...

Thanks everyone! We made an offer, I'm pretty sure it's going to get turned down. I hate waiting... and waiting... and waiting... to hear back!

Amber: That is funny, there was a news story on girls stripping to make down payments on new houses. I asked Geoff if he wanted me to join in. Good for him, he said no. He passed that test.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained" So true G!