Monday, March 30, 2009

Divine Design

This one is for Mr. 5280 after reading a great post regarding a prank he pulled before. It reminded me of one fine day...

For those of you just joining me, I used to work at Club Med; an all adult resort in Turks and Caicos. It's safe to say, I worked with a wide range of characters. One was this guy named Jay. Jay never went home alone. He always had some girl guest he liked and took back to his room. He was KNOWN for all the girls he hooked up with! Jay was a fun guy though, and I'm not sure what started it, but I feel like he ALWAYS gave me a hard time. One week his new thing was to hide behind a wooden pole waiting for me to get out of my kickboxing class. I has ten minutes to finish class, walk across the village to our yoga platform and teach Sunset Yoga. Everyday, I walked out of kickboxing, had paper cone cup of water at the water station in front of the wood pole and walked to yoga. Jay would hide, wait for me to fill my paper cone cup, reach behind the pole, squeeze the cone cup so the water went all over me. Yeah, he thought that was funny. Here is where my memory gets a little fuzzy, I'm guessing I did something small to get him back that night because the next day he retaliated. We drank a lot there, fuzzy memories are pretty common. Anyway, the next day was all white day. All the workers had to abide by a dress code so the guests could easily spot us. I was wearing white shorts, white sports bra, white tank top and white workout top over that. As normal, I taught kickboxing, walked over to drink my cone cup of water and headed to yoga. All of a sudden Jay pops up out of nowhere, picks me up and throws me into the pool... while I'm wearing all white... and have just a few minutes to get to yoga. I taught yoga in soaking wet white outfit that day. The layers helped keep my dignity but wet yoga isn't fun. After yoga my students and I brainstormed on how to get him back.

I decided I was going to wait a few days but do to it before the group that was on vacation left so they could see the outcome. My roommate's name there is Holly and she had some washable wall paints. An idea was born.

That day, I talked to my boss and Jay's boss. I got paintbrushes from our set designer and found someone to teach my class on the day I decided was going to be 'go day'. Two days pass and I act like everything is normal. Jay is wondering why I'm being so nice. I say I'm going to get him back but all I hear is, "You're too nice, anything you do, I can top, and soon you won't top that because you are too nice to." Okay Jay. That morning I confirm my plans with everyone. Jay taught scuba there so his boss scheduled him for the afternoon dive. It was pretty windy and we were nervous that the boat wouldn't go out and our plans were out the window. His boss talked to Jay and said if the boat doesn't go out, he has to fill tanks. He has never filled tanks before, so it should bide us some time.

Holly and I wait near the dive shop just talking to people. Jay walked by, waved happily, found out the dive boat got canceled and started working on the tanks. We head to our room, grab the supplies, got the key to his room, and got to work. We created works of art on his walls; flowers, hearts, I painted an especially pretty pink butterfly, we painted the girliest things we could in his room. We didn't stop until it looked like a 3rd grade girls paradise, cleaned off our brushes, and left.

Later that night, he wouldn't talk to me, he just looked at me and shook his head. I would crack up laughing.

I was content. The nice girl got him back. It wasn't mean, but I was excited to see a GIRLS reaction after trying to bring her back to his new and improved flower room. After seeing our paint job, no one came home with him that night, and he never got me back!

I found out he spent all night scrubbing the walls and that the red paint was not so washable. I'm pretty sure that room still has an outline of hearts and flowers. The one who tried to be the manly man of the village got the girly girl room.

Sucker.

Do you have one to share???

A Night not so ShamWOW!

As if our favorite shows couldn't be any weirder (Ghost Hunters, Run's House, etc.), our celebrity list is just as odd. My husband and I can not get enough of America's pitchman, Vince, from the ShamWow and Slap Chop commercials. We can't help but watch his commercial endorsements and contemplated producing a youtube video making fun of his Slap Chop and Sham-Wow spectaculars. I'll admit, at our high point, I even said "ShamWOW' after a particularly great make-out session with my husband. Yes, I think I'm hilarious.

I know we should not laugh at other's misfortunes, but have you heard?!?! Vince SHLOMI (That's a last name you can't make up!) of ShamWow and Slap Chop was thrown in jail recently for punching a prostitute.

The Smoking Gun reports,

Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue.


Vegas authorities think biting tongues is not okay and neither parties were prosecuted.

Meanwhile, the blood was easily cleaned with a blue ShamWow.

Don't mess with Shlomi, or you'll get slap chopped too.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Foot in Mouth Disease

"Wow, you do NOT last long at all." I said to my husband when he rolled over after cuddling with me for about 60 seconds. "Thanks," he says, "just what every guy wants to hear." Oops.

"I think I'm going to just stay white tonight." I proclaimed turning down red wine. "Ya think?!", replies my friend. Oops.

"... because I DON'T like to keep my knees together." Explaining why I like to sleep with a body pillow. "And, THAT'S why I love you!" My husband replied. Oops.

All in one week. I promise, I went to college.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Who am I, Paul Walker?!

I don't like to break laws. I'm a fan of speed limits. Hell, I'm a fan of speed limits, seat belts, helmets, anything safe! My friend actually calls me the safety police, because, well, I don't want you hurt. I don't want to be hurt myself. If you get hurt during my time with you, that turns time that could have been fun, to a time that is no fun at all. Do you want to sit in the emergency room for hours? Didn't think so. So, why do things to amplify your possibility of getting hurt?

This is not to say I don't enjoy adventurous fun. I LOVE adventurous activities! Rock climbing, skiing, scuba diving, trapeze tricks, kite boarding, bungee jumping, sky diving, BRING IT ON! However, the majority of injuries are average people doing average things... like driving down the road.

If you are going to drive down a road, please do so safe. Do you know that you are driving in a killing machine? Yeah, a car. That car can do damage well beyond your most people's imagination. Yes, I drive slow. I'm a grandma driver. I've talked about that (and my failure of that) before here.

So, it cracks me up when some ghetto young thing pulls up in his Honda whatever with spinning rims and tries to race me. First, get rid of your spinning rims. No one likes them. They aren't cool and they don't make you cool. In fact, they take away your cool points, like, A LOT of your cool points. Oops, your in the red. Get it? These guys pull up, look over at me and rev their engine.

I'm just a mommy driving my baby home from the grocery store. Do you really think I'm going to race you? Do you SEE the car seat in the back? How about the re-usable Whole Foods bags full of groceries on the back seat, NEXT to my baby in his seat? Did I mention I have a baby in here? DON'T TRY TO RACE ME! In fact, don't try to race anyone, it's not safe.

I get it. I guess the car we drive goes fast. I don't really understand how fast because I don't get all the technical jargon my husband and his friends talk about. I don't get when they ask me how much fun I have driving it. I don't know what super charged something with something chips means. I'm clueless. Are the tires full? Is there fuel in there? Will it get me to the store and back? That's all I need to know.

I guess others know more about engine crap than I do; they pull up to me AND rev their engine AND look at me all weird AND I feel uncomfortable. I feel absolutely uncomfortable.

I don't know how to play cool when I'm uncomfortable. ANYONE within miles can tell I'm not in my comfort zone. My face is red. My eyes dart back and forth. I smile with confused eyes and look away quickly. I pretend to play with the radio. I beg the light to turn green. I'm not having fun.

I like to have fun.

Don't race me. From what I don't know about the car, if you did try to race me, I would win. BUT, I don't want to win, I'll lose gracefully. I want to be happy and comfortable and not RED. I want to get my child home safe. I want to arrive home with 12 eggs enact. I don't want to hear your engine rev and I don't want you to look at me strange, and more than anything, I want everyone else to be safe. Who are you to jeapordize that?

Life is precious.

Spinning rims are not.

I wouldn't say this if I didn't love you.

I'm no Paul Walker, I'm Safety Police!!!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

If you see the Wizard, can you bring us back some Courage?

Dream the other night:

I am house siting for a friend over the weekend, Geoff isn't with me for whatever reason but Sawyer is. I remember being excited for the weekend to end and see Geoff again. I'm nervous about my parking spot, wasn't sure where to park exactly or if I needed a permit. The last thing I need is a parking ticket and something about my decision of parking location was not right. I'm at my friend's condo on the beach while she was on vacation. It's Sunday already (It's a dream, days FLY!) and some lady walks in, apparently the housekeeper. My friend doesn't have a housekeeper. I was at the wrong house all weekend. I'm really getting excited to leave but the house keeper points up to the window above the door, I see water and fish are slamming against it. The tide is not only high, but water is basically flooding the entire outdoor condo and parking area. Waves are crashing over the house. This must be normal because housekeeper lady is not shocked. I'm freaking out, I don't know how I'm going to get out of this house and keep Sawyer safe. I know that I need to stay inside, but all I want to do is get out of this house with my son safely, and hug my husband.


Real Life:

I feel like my head is in a bucket of confusion. I just want to pull it off and see what is ahead of me. I'm not a super planner but I don't think timelines are bad. I wouldn't be so antsy if I knew when things were going to happen. I'm not a palm reader, I'm not clairvoyant. I need to chill.

Two words: House Hunting.

Why did I think this was going to be fun? I love where we are currently, there is just no room to grow. There is no room to store things. Sawyer's baby swing is still in our living room, we have no other place to put it. What we can't store, what we don't use, we sell on craigslist. There are just some things we have to keep. Our "pantry" consists of one small cabinet. This is creatively do-able for a family of three, but when a fourth comes along, this will be impossible. I want a real pantry, I want kitchen space to store plates and glasses and a blender and mixing bowls AND not have to put any of it on top of the fridge. I want a guest room. I want to decorate. I want to pick paint colors. I want to be all HGTV; currently all I am is House Hunters, I would rather be a little more Divine Design.

Two people, two tastes.

In some ways Geoff and I could not be more different. I think that is how we work so well together. I'm a city girl, he's a mountain man. I could scuba dive all day every day if that couldn't kill you. Geoff feels the same about skiing. I prefer places that skip winter all together, Geoff's ultimate dream home destination is Alaska. He's the sensitive one; the nice guy. I'm pretty fast to tell you how I feel, and you can forget second chances. So, after weeks of house searching, I don't think it should be too surprising I was tired and felt a little deflated. Every home we walk out of, one says, I LOVE it!! The other, NO WAY!

It's a big decision, it's our future house. It's the place we want Sawyer to remember his childhood in, the house he invites his friends to, the room he tries to sneak girls in, the windows he tries to sneak out of. The house he ruins after throwing a party while mommy and daddy are on vacation. The house he tortures his little sister in and years later the house he questions her future boyfriends, just trying to be protective. We want to create traditions, decorate for holidays, cook for friends, invite neighbors over. We want to put our heart into it. We want to make it our own, we both want to love it.

I think my dream the other night couldn't explain how I feel about the decision ahead of us any more perfectly. I'm nervous. I'm afraid we'll make a decision and we'll be stuck in a house that isn't ours. Geoff loses his job soon, which is one reason we can buy a house now, though the flip side of that, is not having paycheck coming in every two weeks. That makes us nervous. I don't want to put us in a bad spot, but at the same time, we are ready. We are ready to move on. We want to raise Sawyer in the best possible area, above everything, we just want to protect him and keep him safe. Lower downtown Denver is not that spot.

The other day on HGTV (I'm totally addicted.), the designers did an amazing makeover to someone's living room. They called it, the courageous makeover. The style was very different than what was there before, the owners were nervous, but the end result was amazing. I realized, we need to make a courageous decision, whether that is to buy or not to buy, we need to be courageous.

This weekend, we looked in a completely different place than we were looking before. Yesterday we both found a house we love. It's in Breckenridge, insanely close to skiing, close to town, an amazing neighborhood, a great house for a great price.

After seeing it twice in one day, we shook on it. We are going to do what we can to go for it. We are going to be courageous.

Last night I had a dream I was sitting in a living room with friends eating cookies. There are few things that make me happier in life than good friends and good cookies.

I feel content.

I feel ready.

Wish us luck.

Wish us courage.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Blogs I'm reading: Photography and Hemorrhoids but NOT Photography of Hemorrhoids!

I'm really starting to appreciate photography. I think photographers who can take a subject and create beautiful, artsy imagines are just freakin' talented. Maybe it's that I always wanted to be talented at stuff but never got there. Now that I'm old and know that my athletic skills will produce any fame, maybe other things will, like bad singing or drunk dance renditions of all musicals. I sense someone will notice my talent, errr, creativity and throw me a bone. Perhaps I should take up a talent that even old people can be successful at, maybe knitting, basket weaving, or wheelchair wheelies, because hell, we all know, I'm not getting any younger.

These days, I admire talents I think I could possibly do if I put my brain to it, like photography. One blog I love to read is Pacing the Panic Room. The blog is written by a photographer step dad and also a husband to a beautiful, now pregnant wife. Reading his posts and looking at his really awesome pictures remind me of my one and only photoshoot. When I was pregnant, I wanted to surprise my husband with some really cool maternity pictures. I didn't want the average, fingers in a heart shape over my belly pictures. I wanted something unique, pretty, artistic, just down right cool. I looked through at least a hundred portfolios and fell in love with the work of James Hickey. Here are a few of those pictures.





I absolutely love them. They remind me of so many things. They remind me of all the joys, worries, hardships, sleepless nights, and excited anticipation of being pregnant. They remind me of my friends who were with me and endured the freezing cold pool along side my pregnant, sinkable self to get the shots just right. They remind me of my grandma/best friend who died a few weeks prior. They remind me of the raw circle of life, the one circle I love most of the time and am not a fan of at other times. Life is beautiful and should not be taken for granted and pictures are just one way to look back and re-live some of those memories.

Because I feel like promoting other people today, (See how un-selfish I am?) if you are a mom, or not afraid of the word 'hemorrhoid' check out mothergoosemouse and her post about the lovely balls of pain between those cheeks. Life; isn't it beautiful? Muah-ha-ha

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Yesterday Geoff asked me what was going on in Denver for St. Patrick's Day and if I found something good, maybe he could come home from work early so we could celebrate.

Beer over work.

Yes, we have our priorities straight.

Monday, March 16, 2009

1 + 1 = WHAT?

My husband asked me some question the other night. and my answer was, "I don't know, because they are a jerk?"

Husband: "It takes two to be a jerk."

Me: "Yeah, that's true. Never said I wasn't one."

Then I thought about it.

It doesn't take two to be a jerk!!! Sometimes people are totally, innocently tackled by jerk-ness, just out of nowhere and WHAM, jerk hits you all over the face! You didn't even see it coming!

Tell me you haven't been slapped silly by jerk-a-tude before?

No, TELL ME YOU HAVE!

This is where I was going to tell you my funny story. Here I am, wracking my brain, thinking of a situation I experienced and I've got nothing. My plan was to have some funny story about someone being a total jerk to me when I was innocent in the situation just to prove it doesn't take two people to be a jerk. I can not remember one, not one.

I bet it will hit me the moment I press 'publish post.'

I even waited a few days to write this post, and still can not recall a story, then again, maybe it is me. I think I might be the jerk. Great.

So, it's your job now. I want it out of my hands. I don't want 1+1 to equal 2, or A+B to equal C. Give me some stories I can relay back to the hubby and I promise, I won't do math for you again!

Well???

Things that Prance

Lately it's becoming pretty apparent I'm from L.A. and always lived in a city. The only city I didn't live in was an island, and there wasn't much animal life above the water. Don't get me wrong, I always loved to camp and hike and be outdoors, even in L.A. you can get to some beautiful outdoor spots, I'm just not used to animals in your yard.

Lately we have been spending weekends at our friend's house in Conifer Colorado. For those of you that do not know that area, Conifer is very mountainy and wild lifey and other eeyyy things you can think of, like tree-yyyy. Get it? It's so mountainy, that there is no cell phone reception, long before you get to their driveway. Friday we drove up to house sit for the weekend and on the way up their super long, dirt road, driveway, we see these...





My first thought: Are they serious?! Who under 60 puts up fake plastic animals in their yard anymore??? That isn't like the Beves' (That is what we call this family)! I'm going to have to tell them this isn't okay!

My second thought: OMG, deer, they are real!!!!! WHERE'S THE CAMERA???????

My third thought: Don't tell anyone about your first thought! I need to get out more!

Of course we pulled Sawyer out of his car seat to see the crazy wildlife going on around us. It was like we were on a safari, I was so excited! Then of course I asked Geoff a bunch of questions about the animals in front of us.

I guess they are some sort of... like, umm, dog deer, or bear deer, or something deer, and they shed their antlers and some other stuff Geoff said. I just thought deer were deer.

The best thing though was they prance! They totally pranced. Like, they walked like normal animals, but when they wanted to go faster, they just pranced out of there! I loved it!

It all got me thinking.

I want a miniature pony.

We live downtown and are trying to rent our place here and buy a place in the mountains. Let me tell you, house hunting is exhausting. Geoff and I like totally opposite things which does not make the process easier. Now I'm on his side a little more than before, I want land too. I want things in my yard. I want to hike and camp and play hide and seek and ride on the back of a bear and I want a miniature pony. I don't think I can handle the real thing, like big horses that poop, but a miniature pony might be just what I need. I want to build it stables on our property. Miniature stables of course. Mini-stables that look like a castle and paint it in pastel colors. I want to make my pony a saddle and put pocket things on it's saddle like drink holders for our cocktails. You don't expect us to carry our cocktails all over our large property, do you?

I also want my pony to prance like the whatever deer. I like things that prance. I want my pony to prance in and out of his castle stables.

That is, unless he spills our cocktails.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Bribery Doesn't Work

Sawyer refuses to crawl but he sure likes to eat. We placed a plate of snacks at each corner of the carpet. He rolled onto his back looked at me and cried with some really convincing pouty faces. He is sure that parent are there just for a baby's transportation. Sadly, he's mostly right.

Right now, I'm looking at four plates on our carpet, three with snacks and one kicked over from his angry kicks. We'll try again when he wakes up! Wish me luck.



Thursday, March 12, 2009

No Triumph for Him

I hate motorcycles. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them!

I probably wouldn't hate them if I was never an E.M.T. in Los Angeles. I've seen some horribly gross things. There have been times we arrived on scene and a few of us had to go off searching for the missing body parts.

My husband has a motorcycle, a Triumph. He loves it. He bought the thing a few days before we met and mentioned how excited he was about it our fist date. Like the Debbie Downer I am, I told him about other people's misfortunes and said I will never get on one.

A few months later, I got on his. We went around the block once and my hand was bleeding from holding on so tight. I got off, was a little shaky, and said that was it. Never again.

Geoff told me he couldn't wait to buy Sawyer his first motorcycle.

Me: " I can't wait to buy our (future) daughter red lace thong underwear when she turns ten."

Geoff deflated: "No motorcycle for Sawyer."

That's what I thought.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Would you like Pus with that? Part 1

I'm not that big. Geoff isn't big. Is it any surprise that our child is small? Sawyer had his nine month check up, weighing in at just over 13 pounds. They told me it was time to give him some formula. I cried.

Before I go on, let me clarify. I understand the 'breast is best' and parents who choose to give their baby formula at times recieve dirty looks, are ashamed for others to see the formula in the cart, hear the breast feeding nazis calling formula the "F" word. I think that if a parent made a decision for their child based on what is best for that family, then I support you. Just because I have very strong views against dairy and formula does not mean that I condemn others for using it. If you want to use formula to feed your baby, whatever the reason, do it!

Moving on.

I hate dairy. I not so jokingly call it the devil. Why am I going to feed my child some chemical mixture based on a cows milk when it's the last thing I want in my body? I understand if I was not able to produce milk, but I can, and he drinks. Here, the doctors are not only advising me to feed my child something I don't agree with, they also want to see us in a month to check our progress. These are the times I wish I lived back in L.A. They've got some serous non-dairy, non-formula doctors there. On the flip side, I want my child to grow.

Dairy. The only thing meant to drink the milk from a cow is her own calf. We are the only species that not only continues to drink milk after we are weaned but we decide to drink it from another species all together. You want milk, fine, suck your mothers boob. Maybe squeeze it right into your cereal? Freeze it, add some chocolate and spoon over your warm pie. Sound gross? It's more natural! Not even a cow will go back to milk after it is weaned, why do we?! The only thing that milk is suppose to do is take a small calf and turn it into a few hundred pound cow in a matter of months. MONTHS! This is why the claims that consuming dairy will keep you at a healthy weight make me laugh, every time. Do you know what protein you are ingesting? Do you know what growth hormones you are drinking? Do you realize the amount of pus you consume with each dairy product?!?! Yeah, I said it, PUS! Drink up friends.

Thanks to the popular growth hormone, BVM, a cow went from producing about 2,000 pounds of milk per year to numbers up to 50,000 pounds per year! If you take a look at the insides of a non-hormone injected cow and an average dairy cow these days, the hormone ridden dairy cow's internal organs are up twice the size as the non-hormone cow who weighs the same. As with any lactating female, the hormone ends up in the milk. Do you wonder why ten year olds are getting their periods? Do you wonder why our kids are so much bigger? Do you wonder why my baby who is breastfed from a non-dairy mommy is not on the average growth charts based on mostly formula fed babies?! Do you think this annoys me? This growth hormone causes a marked growth (50-70%) of mastitis. That is nipple infection. These cows continue to be milked. That blood and pus end up in your milk after heated to an insane temperature (homogenization) in which they say, kills the bad things so you don't get sick. It's still in there people, just heated!!! AND, yes, you still get sick.

Did you know that all cows milk contains blood? They are just asked to keep it under a certain limit. Blood is another word for white blood cells. White blood cells is another world for pus. I love this letter regarding pus.


"WHAT IS NORMAL MILK?"

The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) has a milk ordinance governing milk safety. USDA does not allow milk containing 750 million or more pus cells per liter to be shipped across state borders. That should be good news to milk drinkers.

Last year, the average liter of milk in America contained only 323 million pus cells, according to Hoard's Dairyman, the dairy industry magazine. Author Jim Dickrell reports that the level of pus cells has been rising ever since farmers began using Monsanto's genetically engineered bovine growth hormone. Before approval (February 1994), the average pus cell count in milk was under 300 million cells per liter. By 1996, that average count had reached 307 million. In 1997, the average count was 313 million, and by 1998, the number had reached 318 million.

Researchers working for the National Mastitis Council define normal and abnormal milk based on the number of pus cells. According to Dickrell's story, the concentration of pus cells in "normal milk" is almost always less than 100 million cells per liter.

The number of pus cells in milk is an indicator of the state of health of the mammary glands and udders in cows. Stressed and infected cows have cell counts above 100 million. What does that say for the average milk in America? Not very healthy, even by dairy industry standards.

According to this article:

"When cell counts in milk exceed 200 (million per liter), the odds favor that the [udder] is infected or is recovering from infection."

The dairy magazine reports:

"Abnormal milk will be discolored and have flakes, clots or other gross alterations in appearance."

Gross is certainly an appropriate word to describe pus-filled milk with clots. This analyses of mastitis researchers reveals:

"At 400 (million) cells per liter, some 35% of cows will be infected."

This means that approximately one-third of the cows being milked at any one time in America are stressed and infected. Milk from these cows contains large amounts of bacteria, virus, and pus. As a consequence, farmers must treat their herds with increased amounts of antibiotics.

Pam Ruegg, a University of Wisconsin mastitis researcher, examined more than one million records, and concluded that the higher the herd's pus cell count, the greater the risk of antibiotic residues in milk.

Her results were published in the December 2000 issue of the Journal of Dairy Science.



What about calcium you ask? Calcium in the adult body is meant to take the body from an acidic level and make it neutral. Dairy is so acidic, you body actually pulls calcium from your system to make your body neutral. Think about it, U.S. is one of the worlds leading dairy consuming countries and also one of the worlds leaders in osteoporosis and other bone dwindling diseases. The key to fighting these degenerative diseases is not how much calcium you consume, but how much calcium you prevent from leaving your bones. That means, no dairy. You can get the same amount of calcium ounce for ounce in broccoli. You get calcium in green leafy vegetables, not to mention calcium fortified OJ and more. These calcium sources are easily absorbed by the body and do not pull calcium from your bones. "Dietary protein increases production of acid in the blood which can be neutralized by calcium mobilized from the skeleton." (American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 1995;61,4) Also, Harvard studies continue to show the a link between animal protein and dairy consumptions and broken bones.

It gets better. Lets talk about the cows milk protein Casein. Casein is actually used to make the strongest wood glue on the market. Your furniture, held together with a little milk protein. The label on your beer, milk protein. What does that do to your body? It creates a string like mucus. Runny nose? Have to clear your throat? Get rid of dairy. I dare you to stop all dairy for two weeks. Nothing. Not a single ounce. Have a whopping bowl full of ice cream after your two week stint and feel the mucus in your throat form soon after. It never fails. Go ahead, try it. What is that mucus in our body doing? It is making us sick, really sick.

"At least 50% of all children in the United States are allergic to cow's milk, many undiagnosed. Dairy products are the leading cause of food allergy, often revealed by diarrhea, constipation, and fatigue. Many cases of asthma and sinus infections are reported to be relieved and even eliminated by cutting out dairy." (Natural Health, July, 1994, Nathaniel Mead, MD)

Former Chairman of Pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Frank Oski, M.D. even has a book called Don't Drink Your Milk which blames every second health problem kids suffer on hormone-ridden commercial milk. Sixty percent of ear infections in kids under six years of age are milk-induced, and milk consumption is the number one cause of iron-deficiency anemia in infants today according to the American Association of Pediatrics.

Dairy is linked to colds,congestion, constipation, allergies, rashes, ear infections, bed wetting, bone disease, ovarian cancer, early maturity, irritable bowel and so much more. Is milk worth it?

Milk contains frequent contaminants from pesticides to drugs. About a third of milk products have been shown to be contaminated with antibiotic traces. The vitamin D content of milk has been poorly regulated. Recent testing of 42 milk samples found only 12% within the expected range of vitamin D content. Testing of 10 samples of infant formula revealed seven with more than twice the vitamin D content reported on the label, one of which had more than four times the label amount. (11) Vitamin D is toxic in overdose. I don't want my kid on formula!!!

Why are we constantly told by media it is good for us? Did you know that the government pays for the excess storage of dairy. That is anything that is not bought is bought paid for by our tax dollars. Want to keep the deficit down? Want to keep pharmaceuticals in business? Drink up! When hippy movement was in it's high point, people were realizing what was good and what was not so good for their bodies. Milk consumption went down. They actually sent out some people to research milk and start a nation wide campaign. A few came back saying they did not realize how horrible dairy was and they were going to discontinue dairy consumption. The others wanted a pay check. Got Milk? Despite all the evidence surrounding the health risks of dairy, our schools still require milk to be given away with their school lunch. It's horrifying.

I just don't get it, is pus really that good? I don't want to mix dried pus with warm water and give it to my child. Yeah, he is off the growth chart, but he has enough wet diapers, he hits all his milestones, he has NEVER been sick. He has NEVER had a temperature and he has NEVER had dairy. Don't make me start.

I have so much to say on this topic and so little time to give it the post it deserves. This is all for now. but you can bet that I will be on here, presenting more information, studies, and tons more. People ask why milk has been my number one enemy. I feel like it has such a false security. You are told so many lies. Most people can generally agree that a lot of sugar is not good for us. We can generally agree that our bodies were not meant to consume meat, but not many people talk about Dairy. I've been against dairy since 1999 and then seemed like a crazy person. There is more information against it and the subject is more widespread than ever before, but it's not enough. I'm also frustrated that the doctors are telling me what I don't want to hear. Give him formula, make him grow. YEAH, he'll grow, but not the way his body was meant to. (I'm doing a sad face right now.)

Milk does a body bad.

Monday, March 9, 2009

I'm Not a Screamer




We spent this weekend at our friends house again and the boys put up a zip line. Don't be fooled by my boringness, it was way fun, I'm just not a screamer, even when skydiving.

Here is Becky, she is a little more vocal.



P.S. Several beers before noon, plus operating a video camera equals over an hour of footage of me not knowing the camera was on. Good thing, we can rely on our smarter friends to actually record us going on the zip line. All I have is a mangled close up view of the ground.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

What's Shakin Cali?

Last night at around 9:15pm pacific coast time, something shook up the Orange County area. Experts say this was NOT an eathquake, nor a sonic boom.

What's shakin' you up over there?

Here are a few of my guesses:

Predictions from way back in the day are coming true. Califorinia is about to break off into the ocean and last nights 'tremors' are just the beginning. Anyone in Nevada want to live on the coast, nows your chance! This both scared the crap out of me and excited me when I was little. I remember hearing it over and over again, some earthquake was going to rock California right into the water. I thought it would happen any day and wasn't sure to be terrified or excited. I always wanted to live on an island and if my parents weren't going to move me to Hawaii or Cook Islands, than, mother nature for sure would grant my wish, because mother nature LOVES me! Right?

Well, if an earthquake doesn't rock California into the water, than the weight of Octo-mom's eight new babies would rock the foundation. Who is totally over this mom? In all honesty, I can't get enough. I don't want to be a source of her support in any way, but by buying into the media, I AM supporting it. Geeze, I can't do anything right!

Prop 8 protestors are making a bigger impact than expected? March 4th, people all over Califoria rallied in an effort to support Gay Marriage hours before legal arguments were heard in the Supreme Court whether Prop 8 is valid or not. You guys have some legs on you! Way to SHAKE California to her senses, huh?

California always has something interesting going on. It makes Denver news seem boring, then again, I feel secure that I won't be shook off into the Atlantic. I love you California, but keep your flotation devices near, I don't want to lose a single one of ya!

What do you think is shankin' our Westernly friends?

Monday, March 2, 2009

Dear Sawyer: 9 Months.




Today I threw you up into the air for the first time. I threw you up and caught you, threw you up and caught you. Repeat that about fifteen times. You loved it. You laughed, you looked at me like I was the BEST! I wanted some of that fun too. I asked daddy if he could imagine how much fun that would be and wished that someone could throw me up in the air. So, daddy granted my wish. He picked me up, threw me in the air, caught me and repeated that about three times. It was hilarious, it was fun, it was kind of scary and totally unexpected. You freaked out. You cried, yelled even, you looked at daddy like he was hurting me and you were pissed. Daddy picked you up and interpreted your actions the same as I did, telling you it was okay and he was just playing, not hurting me. You are nine months old and you are already being protective of your momma. You are old enough to want to protect me-your protector! WOW!

Guess what Sawyer? We found out recently that you get to be a big cousin. That's right, is less than NINE months, Aunt Jackie is going to have a kiddo and you won't be the baby of the family anymore. It's a good thing you aren't holding onto your baby status too tight. It's a good thing you are already protective. At only nine months old, you find yourself too cool to be a baby and going to make a great, protective big cuz!

This month was such a COOL month! You are so mature, act so sophisticated. You want to hang with the adults and think you've got this grown up thing down. You've seen us for nine months (Did I mentions you are NINE months old?!?!) and that is plenty of time to just do things on your own. You feed yourself, you grab at our food, and take bites, eat complete things, like crackers, crunchy, hard crackers! You bite off a piece, gum it, and swallow, like a person! A real adult like person!!! Who knew this would ever happen?!?! You grab our cups and drink water like you've been waiting for me to hand you a glass full of water all day. You wipe your own face and hands after eating, you type on my computer and would rather "type" than play with any of your toys. You would rather just hang out with me doing the most boring thing, than be placed in front of those, oh so lame and immature toys. Man, you are a grown up!

Currently, you are working on that first tooth. I knew it was coming, I felt a little something, daddy thought it was just a piece of your gums. A few days later I even saw a white line, and a day after it cut through. It looks like it might come in crooked. Who has ever seen crooked baby teeth?! I think you are going to have to have braces in your near future! Who cares though, you have a tooth! It's still pretty short, but man is it sharp! When I think back, you were pretty pissy right before the tooth actually came in, poor thing, but it's here, YAY, lets have a drink... of water... in a real glass... like an adult. CHEERS to your first TOOTH!



This month we spent two weekends at Dave and Becky's house. You and Ethan are really starting to play, realizing that the other baby is there, handing toys to one another. It's totally adorable! Ethan has the best toys, EVER and this weekend, you and Ethan were sitting on each side of this big block thing with gears, moving blocks and doors that open and shut, and so on and after standing and sitting a few times with my assistance, you grabbed the top of the block and pulled yourself into standing position on your own. Let me repeat that, you pulled yourself from a sitting position to a standing position ALL BY YOURSELF! It was amazing, and Becky even caught it on video. Behind you is my mouth, wide open in shock. Good work boy!

Lets talk bodily functions. Your poops smell horrible! They are bad! Gag inducing smell. You eat human food and now you crap human crap. I'm sure it's almost no different than if daddy decided to crap himself and I had to clean it. It's gross, really gross and this is why you are going to wipe our butts when we get old. I'm going to kick and laugh and try to roll away from you and then I'm going to print this letter and point to this paragraph and laugh some more. What goes around comes around stinky boy! You also fart loud, stinky boy farts. This also makes you laugh. You look at me, look down, fat loudly, look back up and me and laugh like you just performed some trick and we should all stare in amazement. And we do.

Besides smelly poops and farts, there is nothing short of remarkable about you. You are sooo cool to watch. It's amazing how much you learn, how quickly you pick things up from watching us. You are a total blast, you are becoming a real person. You are starting to understand that we can entertain each other, and you try so hard to make me laugh, to make me happy, to make me proud, and you do, EVERYDAY, EVERY SECOND you make me sooo happy, make me laugh really hard, make me soo proud and I find myself wondering how I got to be so lucky to be your mommy.

Happy nine months Jagged Tooth, thanks for making me the luckiest mommy in the whole wide universe!