Fatty Friday

I'm kind of sad for the celebrities that are in and out of the news because they are

(How do you insert one of those upside down exclamation points?) GASP!


fat?


(Image here.)

Like Jessica Simpson. She might be dumb. She might be brilliant for marketing herself as dumb. But one thing is for sure, GIRL IS BEAUTIFUL!

Can I get an Amen?

She is! She might gain a few pounds and lose them. She might have poor decision making skills when it comes to pants.


Image here.

But she isn't FAT!

So to honor some of my favorite, gorgeous, (probably not even CLOSE to) FATTY celebs, I'm going to post some fat pictures of myself. I mean, COME ON, I don't care how much you weigh, you have been photographed from a bad angle and have some pretty nasty looking pictures. AMIRIGHT? Can you imagine if everywhere you went, you were photographed? Like, people taking pictures of you throwing the bag of poopy diapers in the trash on a daily basis?! Heaven forbid you aren't wearing your HEELS then! Lets post our nasty pictures for Fatty Friday and give some of our favorite celebs some lovin'!



There it is, I'm all the way to the right. I was on vacation with some friends taking a terrible picture and I'm sure sugary drinks don't help. Bad camera angle, terrible hair day, I look super fat and super gross and you know what, I don't care! I'm still really freakin' awesome!

Can I get an amen? (I'm all Sunday choir or something up in here.)

Feel free to link up (Do I need like a button or something?), post a bad picture of yourself in support our gorgeous (not even close to) fatty celeb friends!

Happy Friday!

Updates to the Friend Post

Here I go, here I go, here I go again.

Girl what's my weakness?

(Come on, you know this song right? TELLMEYOUDO!)

Men!

Okay then.

It's really cold here. I'm shivering inside my house. I need to clean and organize but don't feel up to it. I was all annoyed at Geoff last night for the stupidest reason. I'm ready to break up with all sorts of people and give them a piece of my mind.

Basically it's about that time of the month.

And here is where any male readers clicked out of my blog and decided to look at famous people in bikinis instead.

Oops.

This really has nothing to do with men in particular as it is more so regarding my crankiness.

Remember that friend situation I told you about here?

If you don't feel like reading it, I'll sum it up, some D bag wanted us to rent a condo and when we said no, he said that my hubby and I were probably headed for a divorce because I said no.

Really my husband said no but blamed it on me which I'm totally okay with.

You guys were ALL right. That guy is an idiot and NOT a friend. He actually was a friend of a friend of Geoff's. I know, don't you hate that? It's kind of like, he said that she said that he knew that she said and then everyone is confused and needs a strong drink.

If you were in my neck of the woods I would of poured you a strong drink already.

Here is that update. I wrote that post a while ago and the friend that linked Geoff and the guy trying to rent the condo is the biggest A-hole, idiot you may or may not have met. This guy actually came between Geoff and another one of his friends blaming all sorts of crap on me. I post it recently because a lot of stuff has been on my mind and I like your opinions. I treat them like professional help.

This guy (We'll call him D) is SUCH an A-hole I almost want to type the real A word and I would never support him or encourage anyone to ever support him. He is a DJ in Denver so if you want to know who NOT to hire, I would happily give out his name.

Goeff and D had a huge fall out and I couldn't be happier he is out of Geoff's life. D was fake, a liar and only looks out for himself and it shows by the people he hangs out with. Most of his friends are stuck up jerks too.

Gosh, I'm so negative right now!

BUT there is a situation that is entangles in the previous story that I've wanted to share with you guys for sooo long. OH. SO. LONG. The problem is, if I shared it, I think it would hurt the feelings of some people and I don't intend to do that and basically I'm sure the people I want to speak about read this blog.

Then again, I'm not sure anyone cares anymore. I kind of want to have a "Do we still hate each other?" party and see if the couple we lost friends with two years ago is still lame-o or people we could hang with.

Make sense?

AND then I think that if people dropped us so quickly a while back for no reason, why would we want them back in our lives?

We are really freakin' awesome.

Which brings me to the other thing I was going to share long ago. I'm sick of friends not making an effort. I only make so much effort before I call it a day and consider you someone not worth spending time with. I will support the HELL out of you but only for so long. Then I'm done. I wash my hands of you.

What makes you drop a friendship? What makes you forgive others? What makes you pick up a friendship after so long? Would you drop a friendship because you didn't like your friend's spouse?

Give me your minds. Pour them out, let them bleed in the comments. I need it.

(What? Too dramatic?)

Damn Lip Liner

If there is one thing people feel comfortable pointing out, it's the fact that my lipliner is crooked. Considering I suck at putting makeup on, this observation could be very true, except that I don't think I've worn lipliner since my high school cheerleading days. Yes, I was a cheerleader, shut up.

I'm telling you, one night in Cancun and for the rest of your life, you have strangers pointing out what is wrong with your lips.

Yeah, okay, I had a lot to drink. Who doesn't when they are on vacation? AND, who doesn't when you are in Mexico?

So, apparently I refused to take a cab back because I didn't need one. " I can WALK!" I don't remember this.

Apparently my friends stayed with me. (Remember how much I love my friends?!)

Apparently, I was not sober enough to walk, took off my heels and continued barefoot on the Mexican pavement.

I tripped.

I thought my shoes were more important than my face.

I broke my fall with my face, arms in the air, holding the shoes high.

The shoes survived, not even a scuff, not a scratch, nothing.

Why did I care about my shoes?

I woke up the next morning and wondered why my face hurt so bad. Wondered why it felt like my lips were sticking out further than my nose.





My lipliner isn't crooked, my scar is. I decided to grind my face into the Mexican pavement and not use my hands to break the fall. Thanks for reminding me.

Need to hire someone? Need to BE hired?

I recently wrote about the PayPal founder paying students to drop out of school for $100,000.

The scariest thing for me is that in a world where jobs are scarce, whether you learned anything or not at college, those few words on your resume saying you are a college graduate can mean landing a job or remaining jobless.

More than that, many people are jobless right now and don't know where to look. Life is getting more expensive and our incomes aren't covering it. Life can be rough, jobs are scarce.

Others need work done for their company and are not sure to find a good fit for the job needed.

Here is where Consultants.com can be helpful. It's a one stop shop for people looking for consultants to consultants looking to be hired. If you think this isn't for you, attention bloggers, here is a consultant directory where you can list yourself if looking for a way to supplement your writing income, the list even includes bloggers!!! It works like this: A business needs a consultant, consultants.com will help the business define the scope of the work needed and post it to their site. If you have the skills needed to complete a specific job, you can bid on that specific project.

There is more: they will help you set up a profile, market yourself and search for various projects around the world. If you own a business, it's a great place to look for skilled candidates, market your project, find and target highly rated reviewed consultants, manage projects and see that the project is completed successfully.

You can view various consulting jobs and request a proposal.

In short, this is a very easy to use site for both the business looking for a consultant and the individual looking to be hired as a consultant. The jobs listed are very diverse, I challenge you not to find something that fits your job skills.

If you are looking for a job like so many are, I highly recommend looking at Consultants.com, what could it hurt?!?!
(Brought to you by your friends at consultants.com. The opinions are completely my own.)

Got Mail?

You know what is worse than not having internet?

Not having POWER. AT ALL!

As we were being thrown back to the early 1900's and boiling water on a wood burning stove, I got all inspired. I even pulled out a pencil and put it to paper. (Remember the pencil and paper thing?) Then I made a list. And sketches. I put together a little inspiration board of things I want to get done to the house. After painting our great room a little while back I swore I was D.O.N.E with house projects but turns out, I'm not!

I have a play room to create.

And a front porch and yard that needs some loving! Part of this loving is a new mailbox. For those of you that were not here during the house buying process, we bought a short sale and it was the worst experience of maybe my ENTIRE LIFE! It was terrible. The owners stole a gazillion things, the process took forever, everyone was a liar. You can get a little background here. We had to buy a TON of stuff to make this house livable.

One was a mailbox. Our mailbox is about 2 miles away from our house. We live UP in the mountains and if a package is delivered by USPS, they don't drive up to our house, I guess it's too much of a hassle. Soooo, they try to stuff our packages in our very small mailbox. If it doesn't fit, they take it back to the post office. More often than not, we have to drive 30 miles to go pick up packages.

Yeah, it kind of stinks. Besides paying so much for shipping, we also have to pay so much in gas just to PICK UP OUR OWN PACKAGE. I now try to refrain from buying stuff online that ships USPS but it's not so easy.

Basically we need a new mailbox and I'm shopping around! Besides just fitting packages in a mailbox, don't you think that it can totally contribute to the curb appeal of a house?!?! I LOVE pretty mailboxes!

There are some pretty fancy mailboxes out there and though I don't need on encrusted with diamonds (though it would be nice), something large and sturdy is what I think we need to get this summer.

The site has a ton of mailboxes to choose from with really great styles and prices. If you buy something from them and find the same item at a lower price, they will give you credit for the amount of price match plus a 10% bonus. They were featured in Country Living, Better Homes and Gardens, HGTV and more. They have really great products and sooo many choices.

I love choices!

From really slick, decorative mailboxes:




To big mailboxes that look all vault-like:


(That is what we need!!!)


Do you think a great mailbox can spruce up curb appeal? What else can make the curb appeal go from boring to FABULOUS?
(Brought to you by your friends at http://www.mailboxixchange.com/)

Teaching Kids to Drop Out

Have any of you read about PayPal founder offering kids $1000,000 to DROP out of school?

One of the articles can be read here.


Though I'm officially not doing much with my college degree, I found the process incredibly beneficial. Besides learning course material, college taught me time management and self discipline.

Both VITAL in life.

My stepmom just told me yesterday that the company she works for hired a few people to stuff letters in envelopes, a job I would of laughed at and passed up at fifteen. Every person hired for that job has a college diploma... to stuff LETTERS... into ENVELOPES. There just aren't many jobs out there so they take what they can get.

In a time so shaky and financially unstable is teaching children to drop out of school really the right choice?

What teenager can resist $100,000!!! It sounds like a lifetime of luxury when your sixteen but money goes fast and a lacking education might not make up for careless spending and an empty business plan.


Would you persuade your children to drop out of school if it meant $100,000 toward their dream business? I want to hear your thoughts!

Need help to look hot!

I'm total mom frump. I actually just hated that I said "mom frump" because lets face it, do we need to be frumpy?! I was reading a blog about this mom and her hair routine. It was exhausting, I'm lucky if I brush my hair each morning.

BUT I've been into clothes lately! I'm stalking various sites, ummm but only websites with cute stuff and large discounts.

Has anyone shopped Become.com? I'm LOVING it! You can browse items, search various items, click on what you want, COMPARE prices! Hello!

And lets face it, I'm, how should I say it, cheap? Frugal?

And they pull items from all sorts of websites and have it on one easy to use site. It's like window shopping but a lot better because then I don't have to brush my hair before I do this type of window shopping!

Lets get right to the point: Geoff's mom is flying in next month to babysit and I have a hot date scheduled with my husband. I'm nearing 30 and I don't want to lose him to some hot young thing and if I look frumpy on date night, it will be heavy on your shoulders.

RIGHT?!

So I need you help to pick out a cute date outfit!

I'm thinking the new BCBG pumice silk sequin top xs or shiny, sparkly dress that makes me look pretty. Pick something out for me!

I also really like the Free People Tiered skirt at the bottom of that page. Fluffy fun with a stripe of sparkly!

Maybe 1 Madison Tab Waste Peacoat over a fun sparkles outfit???

Almost anything is better than my paint splattered clothes.

Then again, the paint in the house looks good, it's always one or the other.

Help!

Questions and an Update

Robin, one of the sweetest bloggers I know with an obsession with Eminem tagged me. If you don't know Robin as a blogger, you have to go say hi!

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?
Don't have pets, don't want pets, they get hair everywhere, you have to feed them... except for maybe a horse and someone to take care of them and teach me how to do gymnastics on their backs so I can have big circus-like shows here!

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
For my daughter to not grow up to be Snooki.

3. What is the one thing most hated by you? Mice.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Buy my husband a John Deere tractor, an X box and a huge catamaran. Then I would get my eyebrows waxed (They are looking like they might crawl away.), put money in the kids' college fun and save, save, save the rest for whatever I feel like, family, good political causes, charity, whatev.

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood? People that know me best would guess booze but the real answer is running. Almost any type of exercise but mostly running.

Okay FINE and a margarita.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? Both. Being loved by a stalker is kind of freaky and loving someone that doesn't like you back is a bit stalkerish. Balance my little friends, balance.


7. What is your bedtime routine? Get the kids to bed as fast as possible and pour myself a glass of wine.



8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner? He was standing on his balcony in boxers. Have you seen my husband's abs? I was like, "MUST. SCORE. HIM" in a very robot like voice.



9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be? Maybe a really great interior designer so I could learn how to better put together color in various rooms while creating flow. I like house stuff!


10. What kinds of books do you read? I used to really like non-fiction, books that really taught me something and made me think but right now anything that is pretty brainless, usually fiction that just helps me relax. Remember the whole "I have a two year old" thing. Yeah.

I just finished reading Testimony by Anita Shreve and it was GREAT!

11. how would you see yourself in ten years time? With a sweet boob job... Kidding. I hope to have a great set of friends that live somewhat near us, the kids in a good school, debt paid and maybe a catamaran so my husband and I can sail naked.

12. What’s your fear?
That Geoff might make me empty a mouse trap.

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space? I'm not into junk food that much so sure but honestly I don't really want to go to space, seems like I wouldn't get much of a tan with the whole space suit thing. Seriously, space has never been on my TOP things to do before I die. Can I go somewhere else for totally giving up junk food?

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor? Married to my husband ten fold!

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? Whip my boob out and feed Charlotte.

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be? That he will never ever fart and hold me under the blankets ever again!

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be? I like my name!

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done? I don't forgive and forget. Almost ever. I know, I'm an A-hole. I've been too screwed over by people way too close to me. You mess up, you are out.

19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be? Salad. I know, I'm lame but you can change it in sooo many ways!!!

Or maybe mexican food? Does that count as "one thing"?



Okay, and now for a few updates. I've made a decision that was kind of hard to come to and I know some of you might break up with me but on weekends I decided I'm going to do some reviews on this blog. It comes down to what is going to be best for me and my family and don't worry, it's not turning into a review blog AT ALL. I'll still be talking about how much vagina's tear during child birth but on weekends, like I said, I'm going to throw in a review or two of various things and for putting up with me, maybe I'll even do a few giveaways.

I love you all sooo much and appreciate your support!!!

I call this post "Don't Piss Me Off!"

I used to be really nice. Like, the NICE one. I am still nice. I am, just to the people I want to be nice to. You don't piss me off though and expect me to be silent about it. I guess I learned how to defend myself and the people I love. I'm also pretty quick to say what I think... that gets me in trouble. Oh well.

So, a friend of Geoff's friend broke his leg snow boarding. Yeah, I'm sure he is not having fun at this very moment. Anyway, I guess he rented out a place in the mountains and now can't use it. So, everyone says to contact us and see if we want to take over the rent for the winter. He e-mails Geoff with the information. Let me just say, we may do a swap thing with someone that lives in the mountains, and we may have a two bedroom place to stay on the weekends already. This guy says rent is $900 for a place above someone else's garage. It's a two bedroom that we share with two other couples. Sounds like a rip off to me. We pay almost a grand a month and don't even know if we will have our own room when we go up?! No thanks. Geoff tells him I'm not interested Fine, I'll be the scape goat.

I'm not going to paste the letter on here. I respect your eyes too much. Basically he writes back in HORRIBLE grammar saying that it sucks that I don't like to ride as much as my husband, and sounds like a route to divorce and that he'll go way down in price for us.

Ummm, first of all, if you are trying to get us to help you out maybe you shouldn't piss me off. Don't piss off your friends wife and expect them to help!!! Isn't that a no brianer?! Then, you basically state that because you and your wife got divorced over her not liking to 'ride' as much as you means that the same thing is in our cards. You don't know us! I LOVE to ski, but even if I didn't, I can't fathom that EVER coming between the relationship I have with Geoff. If you have ever hung out with the two of us, you know that we are the couple that makes you vomit in the back of your throat because we are sooo lovey. Third, you want us to pay almost a grand a month to stay above someone's garage and share one bathroom between six people?! You are on something! AND, when we say no to your offer, you say you will go "waaaaaaaay below that in price", so are you NOT paying $900 a month for your share?! I highly doubt you are. Fourth, until you learn how to speak and write in CORRECT ENGLISH, I have no desire to help you.

Enjoy the rental with your broken leg, sucker!

I asked Geoff what he said to this guys e-mail. His reply was simply, I said no. He is sooo much nicer than I am. No one tells me we are on track for divorce and gets away with it. Simple rule, be nice to your friend's wife if you want something out of it. Don't you guys agree?!?!

Stone Age

My internet is back on. It seemed like it has been off for FOREVER

even though it was only two days.

What did people do before internet? Really? I'm asking FOR REALS because I have no clue.

Did people actually hang out with each other and give each other a status update IN PERSON?!?!

STATUS UPDATE: Now that our internet is connected again it truly feels like 2011.

The good news is the cloth diapers arrived and I love them! I've been cloth diapering, reading, cleaning the house and baking bread. You might not be into chicks with internet but without internet I'm sounding all kinds of sexy right?

Okay really WHAT DID YOU do before internet? I need ideas in case this ever happens again!

The Cloth Diaper Try-Outs: And I thought AIO was a type of gun.

I'm SWITCHING and I wish I did this sooner but really I didn't even receive the diapers yet so who am I fooling? I have a fantasy world in my head and everything is going smoothly. We are all in cloth diapers riding ferris wheels eating cotton candy filled with fiber. Never head of fiber-filled cotton candy? Welcome to my dream land. Welcome.

I looked into cloth before I had Sawyer and read the cons of cloth and disposable are about the same: they both kinda suck the life out of our land (landfill versus water and electricity use) so I bought Pampers and called it a day.

Except I have to buy Pampers over and over and over again and after paying $80 for diapers that will be crapped in and graciously given to the trash peeps each Friday I decided in front of a Target cashier

I.

WAS.

DONE.

We go through easily about $100 each month on diapers and wipes. Ugh. I also hate when I'm on the last diaper and know I have to drive down to the store to purchase more when really I had other things planned.

Like read your blogs while eating dried mango. See, now you are on my side, EMARITE (Am I right? Don't worry grams, I got your back!)?

But seriously, since everyone is being all green lately, there are soooo many choices when it comes to cloth diapers and I was like WHAT?!?! I CAN'T MAKE A DECISION!

You know when a restaurant has too little options and you settle and it sucks but then another restaurant has WAY too many meal options and your meal still sucks because you alway wonder what if the other meal you were thinking about was better?!?! Cloth diapering is like that restaurant with way too many options!

And I had no idea what was going on. Let me tell you where I'm at now: a tiny more educated than before but no promises.

POCKET DIAPERS

There are pocket diapers. I thought this was pretty awesome because Sawyer LOVES to put things in his pockets. Cute little pockets on the side of his diapers? How fun!

But no! NOT pockets for you to put your hands when they are cold... or toys you are trying to hide from your sister. I learned pockets are in the CROTCH of the diaper and you stuff stuffing in there. Kind of like if you were on your period, that is where you would stuff your pad. Get it? With pockets you have to buy the diaper and the stuff to stuff in the pocket. I also just like to say stuff to stuff.


AIO

I seriously thought this was some type of rifle and it was printed on the cloth diaper page by accident. I thought, where the hell is the editor?! I was wrong. AIO means all in one.

From what I understand it is like a disposable except you reuse it. You don't put anything in pockets. You put the diaper on, you take it off, wash and repeat. Okay, I can handle this!


AI2

The new and updated rifle? NO! This means all in TWO. I still don't really get this one but hope to keep you guys updated soon. I think it means it's like an all in one but you have to snap in the padding stuff and can take it out and wash if they pee or poop without getting the shell dirty. Not sure how this is different than a shell and folding. I don't know about this one...

PREFOLDS

Okay I think this is where I got really confused. I thought a prefold was a type of diaper but really it's the STUFFING! It is what you would think of when thinking old school cloth diapers. I currently use prefolds as burp cloths and didn't know it. So you can fold this and pin or snap on the sides of your baby and use it as a diaper but will need to buy a pee proof cover. So this isn't really a system like I expected but the CLOTH STUFFING you can turn into a diaper and cover or fold it and use it as extra stuffing in another diaper.


And there is more but what I gather, I will need something to soak my babies pee up and something over the soaker to make sure the pee doesn't soak my cute outfit.

So I said, SELF, don't be all confused, just buy the first thing you see on one of your discount sites you are addicted to.

And I listened.


Image here.

My first GO at cloth diapers will be Cutey Baby cloth diapers. My biggest concern is people say this diaper runs big so I don't think it will even fit Charlotte though I bought the girl pack. The cloth diaper try-outs will start with Sawyer- contestant number one.

Sawyer, come on out in your pink diapers and wave, wave to the crowd... then pee, pee lots.

Take it from Me

My grandma always told me to learn from others' mistakes so you don't have to learn from your own.

I've been sick this week. Stupid cold. Stupid, stupid cold.

Here is your chicken nugget of knowledge:

Remember that one statistic about how many spiders the average person swallows in their lifetime in their sleep?

REMEMBER IT?!

Don't remember it trying to fall asleep on a night you know you are going to be a mouth breather.

Take it from me.

Actually I'm honored.

You guys think SOOOO highly of me.

You guys give me seriously sooo much more credit than I deserve.

Let me explain:

You thought I had motivation enough to DECORATE that tree.

After cutting it down, twisting it through a single door and almost killing innocent children getting the tree up.

OR you can say I'm a hero because I muscled up and threw the tree against the wall when it was about to fall on Sawyer.

Yeah, that's right, after being all heroish and all, I was way too damn lazy to decorate that thing.

Pictures, you all want pictures?!

OF IT DECORATED?!?!

Hell, we were lucky we got the thing in the door. In fact, I was sooo damn lazy after getting that thing up, ribbon still hung from a branch that was still all rolled up on it's cardboard ribbon-holder thing.

Soo, yeah, I don't think I have any pictures. Geoff actually took off the ribbon that wasn't even doing the tree any good.

On another note, we did Christmas the day after getting the tree so Sawyer could celebrate it while Grandma was in town meaning around December 15ish, I was totally over Christmas and ready to get all that stuff back to the basement. I know, I'm a disappointment.

But on a slightly more positive, non-lazy note; COMING SOON to an Etsy near you:

Charlotte's Thread Headbands:









Obviously I need WAY better pictures but you get the drift. I am also trying to do colors that are harder to find like Geoff's favorite is a neon pink and black headband I made. More to come!

Love you guys like I love sprouts on my sandwich, Happy new year!!!