26 Weeks

Every time I get sick I’m amazed by the human body. I mean, yeah, being pregnant is a miracle and the things the woman’s body can do is just incredible, beyond words but have you ever been sick and wondered, where the hell do all these bugers come from? I mean, non-stop, it’s crazy! A box of tissues a day?

Okay, so, yeah, I’ve been sick. It started with Sawyer, he got sick and just wanted to cuddle, which I would of LOVED if we weren’t in the middle of moving and instead of packing boxes and moving things out of our condo, I’m freaking out over his temperature and cuddling my little boy to sleep. Two days later, it hit me and I understood why he would cry every waking moment. He would follow me around crying until I would lay down with him or pick him up and not even a minute later he would be snoring. Once his bug hit me, I wanted to follow Geoff around crying. I wanted him to pick me up and let me fall asleep in his arms. The problem: we had no furniture, a deadline and were moving on virtually no man power. Some of Geoff’s friends helped out a few times and without them, I don’t know how we would of made it from the place we were in to the place we are now.

And there I go again, NOT talking about being pregnant so let me tie this all in somehow. The last few weeks I’ve been craving salads, fruits, veggies, anything and everything healthy. THEN, I got sick and didn’t have much of an appetite but my belly grew. It’s been getting bigger and bigger and BIGGER. Everything about me is getting bigger. My butt, my legs, my arms, my emotions, EVERYTHING! With all the junk I’ve turned down for spinach and asparagus, I wasn’t too nervous to step on the scale.

You know where this is going right?

I’ve been eating SPINACH!

Do you know how much I gained? Don’t eat your greens, skip the salads, SCREW EATING HEALTHY!

I gained EIGHT pounds in five weeks. EIGHT! How does that even happen?

I’ll tell you, losing your appetite after eating like a rabbit. Don’t do it, it’s overrated! After telling the doctor this, she laughed and said, I started out really small and she expected me to gain a little more than average but if I gain over 35pounds, she is going to get on me.

I only want to gain 30 and have already gained 20. I feel like I’m losing a game of chutes and ladders, like right before I stepped on the scale, I was at the square almost at the end, almost a winner and then I saw how much I gained and it’s like I slipped down the slide back to the beginning, back to loser-ville, but really it’s like gainer-ville cause I’m gaining all this weight. Whatever. I guess I just feel like I have a long way to go and no pound allowance in my fat bank. Ugh.

My new plan is to just eat raw cookie dough and chocolate almond milk. I mean, that was my Christmas diet and I didn’t gain that much. I’ll let you guys know how it goes!

We moved into an apartment right next to my husband’s work and we are here until we get a closing date on the house.

The house.

Remember that house that I talk about? Yeah, that. Anyway, they gave us a closing date but we all know they are liars and I don’t believe a word they have to say. Until keys are in hand, I don’t believe anything SO we are in this like, temporary place and I got all bad attitude on it and then I saw some bugs and then had DREAMS that bugs were crawling all over my eye balls and I wanted out! I wanted into OUR house. Not this apartment. So, I killed a bug I found yesterday and Geoff was like, “ WHY did you kill it?” after I asked if he was proud I didn’t cry to him making him do it.

“Because it’s a bug and its gross so I smashed it!”

“If you just asked me to do it, I would of just placed the little bug outside.”

I told you guys my husband is WAY too nice.

“Babe,” I said “what if you put the bug outside and it creeped back in and had a million babies in our house? A MILLION babies! Bugs do that you know! Aren’t you happy I smashed it? They are so rude to just spew their babies out and walk away and expect US to deal with all their offspring, I don’t think so! What if I broke into someone’s house and spewed out a million babies on their rug and just walked away. WALKED AWAY and they had to deal with my million babies all doing stuff in their house?!

“I would puke if you did that.”

Okay, case closed, KILL THE BUGS!

So we are here and there is no internet and I’ve been missing on the world wide web but in place, I’ve been sewing some spiffy crib bedding for this baby girl in fatty mommy and the sewing is making my attitude a little less sour. Who would of thought?

Okay, I’m note even making sense anymore. I need to stop embarrassing myself. This WAS suppose to be a pregnant update right?

Ummm:
I feel good when I’m not sick.
She still kicks me a lot.
I’m afraid she is really a he and I made a song for my current and maybe future son.

To the tune of Daughters by John Mayer:

Fathers be good to your sons.
Sons will love like you do.
Or else, sons become players and end up like John Mayer
So mothers be good to your little guys too.



I love you little girl (or sneaky boy), stop making me gain so much weight, keep up your fun wiggles, sorry about all the salad, I’ll never do it again and please, WHATEVER you do, don’t end up like John Mayer.

Love, your mommy.

Now check out how HUGE I am, it’s like a circus side show!




Please excuse our boxes and half crib and whatever else in the pictures, honestly I have no intention of organizing in here.