28 Weeks!

Quote of the month:

"Wow, you look GREAT! I mean, you don't even look pregnant, you look like a regular fat person!"

Ummmm?


I'm officially in the third trimester, the last trimester, the top of the mountain. When a friend emailed to ask how I was doing, I replied that I could be pregnant for six more months, no problem, and this girl can get out all her sleepless nights in utero and come out all rested and ready to sleep through the night. Meanwhile, I can get all settled into that house I complain about. Of course this backfires and the next day I can't get comfortable to save my life and have 24 hour acid reflux. I was like, JUST KIDDING to all that and since then, I'm back to comfy. Basically, all that means is there is NO DOUBT a girl in my uterus and I think she is already on her period since she can't seem to take a joke. Wow, do I really have to deal with her when she is a teenager?


You know how else I know it REALLY is a girl? Remember all that weight I gained in just a few weeks? Eight pounds to be exact? Well, I went to the doctors today and gained just under two.

And I've been eating like CRAP just like I promised you guys. Chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes with frosting, loads of ciabatta bread dipped in olive oil and vinegar. I've been feasting just for experiment sake and apparently, she loves it because she didn't make me gain the weight of an elephant. Girls are SOOO weird, I could never be a lesbian, I don't even know how GUYS put up with us!

Lately I've had vagina on my mind. As in my vagina. I was just nervous it was going to hurt, and of course it's going to hurt, hello, it hurt SOOO bad after delivering Sawyer. I'm just not looking forward to that and I don't think I told you guys but I want to deliver all natural. Like without an epidural. No, I didn't just get done smoking something illegal, I've been thinking about this since I've found out I was pregnant, reading articles, and soaking up every natural birth story I can and still want to feel the birth. I want to experience labor old school style, I want to cut down my chances of having a C-Section and an epi for sure increases those chances and, well, I'm competitive. I feel like if the mom from 18 Kids and Counting can do it, I can too. I mean, hello, I should be WAY tougher than her, I exercise, I ran marathons, I used to do all sorts of crazy firefighting training, I can push out a baby without drugs right? Anyway, it's not the pushing or contractions that scare me, it's the sewing of your whoha (hooha, hooohah?) that scares me!

Vagina talk, aren't you excited?

With Sawyer, contractions sucked just like promised, they were two minutes apart for about a full day before I delivered but delivery was like two pushes. He was all, "GET ME OUT OF HERE!" and then peed on everyone. I mean, it was soooo fast. I pushed twice, looked down and saw a gooey, peeing baby. The doctors weren't even ready. BUT, they were sewing me up FOREVER. Seriously, could of been days they were down there and when they finished, every one and their mother came in to see the peep show and made sure it looked good. I'm not joking. I'm assuming this is totally normal and your vagina become the thing for every doctor and nurse to check out but I'm NOT looking forward to that without a little somethin' somethin'.

So I asked the doctor, "WHAT ABOUT MY VAGINA?!?!" And she was like, "huh?". After mentioning that I'm PRETTY SURE I want to go natural, but the thing that scares me the most is the stitching and WOW, did that hurt later; she assured me that they would not stitch me up without numbing me a little down there. I don't care what it takes, numbing or a lot of Vodka, I don't want to be totally aware down there when you are poking me.

One more thing you don't want to hear about but I have to mention... BOOBIES! My boobs are HUGE! Another one of our friends mentioned my big knockers to me and Geoff and said she was sure Geoff was loving it. But the truth I'm the one sticking them in his face making him look. I shake them at him until he takes notice. I thought this was a totally awesome bonus but they keep growing and now when I lay down, it feels like the one on top bunk has too much gravitational force and is pulling OUT my chest muscle. It's like Shin Splits of the Pecs and no thanks do I EVER want a boob job. Shaking them around in my husbands face is awesome but gravity is not. I now miss my smallish boobs. Come back!

I'm going to shut up now, I mean, is there anyone that actually kept reading after the 5th "vagina" word? Welcome to pregnancy!

Picture time!



Notice all the boxes? We still hold out hope that we will only be here for a few more weeks and to not get rid of the boxes. So, yeah, deal with it! :)

Love you guys!

P.S. Just read this birth story and fell in love with it.