Short Sales, Pigeons and Fake Boobies, Oh My!

Currently our kitchen looks like I burned something. You know when it's a little smokey, lines aren't as clear and it could just be your eyes getting old and not burnt toast? I didn't burn anything but insulation dust is coming down from the attic...where we are getting new insulation.

Why is this a big deal? Well, I'm over it. I'm over all our housing issues. We are renting and this price tag for insulation is not ours to pay but what is money compared to your health? Recap: We moved out of our condo and into an apartment in hopes to be here a few short weeks until we close on the short sale.

The short sale from hell.

My baby has never been sick a day in his life and since we lived into this new apartment, I've been dealing with illness. Yesterday I woke to throw-up all over his bed, then later in the day I was cleaning throw up off OUR bed and then again off the dining room floor. Green snot runs down his face. My boy is healthy but something tells me this apartment isn't. This place we live in is nice, it really is, but there is a pigeon problem. There are bug problems. There were feathers spewing from the vents onto our living room floor. After putting it all together: feathers and bugs and sickness, we complained-or I should say, we brought up this situation and they reacted quickly. Our vents are suppose to be sealed after finding pigeons living in them. All the insulation was torn out and today is being replaced. They say after today, we should see no more bugs, no feathers, no crap. It's just a little scary that a place you live in, the air you breath all day and all night was being ventilated through pigeon poop and feathers. The rats of the sky were living right above our heads and crapping in our ventilation system. As one of the workers cleaning out our attic says, the place was "BAD...two dead birds and trash bags full of shit." Nice, right?

We were offered a place to go tonight if the insulation bothers us, and now I know we are taking them up on that offer but as my puking boy went down for a nap before the kitchen situation was pointed out, I sit here and wait. I need to pack our stuff, get all the things we need for a night, including laptops for my hubbie's work, diapers, wipes, toys, food, etc and I'm spent knowing AS I think about the tasks ahead, I'm breathing in particles that are unhealthy for me, the 27 week old that resides within my uterus and my toddler boy.

We shouldn't have to deal with this. Since we have lived here, we've been inconvenienced. I don't need to be inconvenienced anymore than I already am waiting for this house to close.

Intermission: Are you really sticking by me while I complain? You are SUCH a good friend and I will buy you a beer.

The short sale: the further we get, the more hoops we have to jump through. My biggest piece of real estate advice to anyone and everyone is to NOT BID ON A SHORT SALE. I'll try to shorten my newest update. They are trying to get us a different type of loan so we don't have to put 20% down, that new loan requires a new inspection with a working kitchen. Fathom that, a WORKING kitchen! Since the owners (The male of the house is a CHRISTIAN author) STOLE the appliances, we must purchase more FOR A HOUSE WE DON'T OWN. Forgive my all in caps yelling, I'm a little pissy. The propane tank needs to be filled so the power is on and guess who pays for that? OH, and in order to get anyone there, we need to plow the driveway but that can't happen until we get access to the house and we can't get that access. Then, the loan people say they don't give out loans to people buying their second (or third, or whatever number besides first) house after January 1st, 2010 even if you can afford it and qualify. Too bad. THEN, we realized there are ways around that, like if your family is too big for your first house, then they WILL loan to you for a second. They will loan to us because we were irresponsible and got knocked up in a place too small but not because we have great credit and can afford it. Is this backwards to you? I mean, sure, lets all reward bad behavior, go AMERICA. ( I told you I'm pissy.) The second lien holder decided it wants more money and the owners couldn't afford it, so the realtors took a big commission cut and are paying off the second lien holder so they will approve the short sale so we can all close. Did you read that right, the REALTORS are paying off the 2nd lien holder. Yeah, true story. After all this, still no word from the second lien holder, our realtor is growing more and more upset and the guy in the middle (our negotiator) that is suppose to get things done, talk to the banks, keep us informed, yada-yada but can't spell a word to save his life and sends tweets to, you aren't going to believe this, SPENCER PRATT! True story, I googled our negotiator and was not surprised to find, he describes his negotiating and closing style as "patient". No crap, he's patient, I have other words I can describe his style with but will bite my tongue. For craps and giggles though, let me give you a lil chunk of his blog, you'll love this...

"Fannie Mae is now condusting their own appraisals behind those the lender or servicer orders. Fannie takes its own seet time to get this done, too. "

"We have to determine that we are here to hel pa public understand where we are..."

So, yeah, you get the picture. This is our negotiator's professional blog, this is the guy that closes the deal, and he can't even proof read... probably because he's shooting the S with Speidi. Nice.

Perhaps our negotiator and the prior owner, aka: Christian author, can get together and internet stalk Heidi's fake tits and let the rest of us actually get something done. In the meantime, I've got to pack.. again.