Oh summer, you and your short shorts, arm showing tank tops, don't get in the water unless you put on a suit that only covers a few inches of your body, you. How much do we love thee? Way to remind me that I've got cellulite. Oh you, charming you, summer.
I realized, I turned into a fatty. I did. I'm not sure how it happened, could be the booze and the drugs. Okay, so maybe I have never done drugs but I guess it could be the booze. That or finishing the food on Sawyer's plate, or my new love of scones, or perhaps it's from last week when I baked cookies. Yes, you just read that. I baked cookies. Me: baking cookies. Cookies me did bake. Get it? I baked cookies all by myself. AND though I accidently doubled the salt, they actually came out pretty decent, as in edible. I made cookies FROM SCRATCH that were edible. WHOA! I know, you might need a minute to process that goodness. Done? The aftermath of me baking edible cookies, was, of course, me eating all of them. Every single one. Compliments to the chef! Anyway, point is, I turned into lardy, and I'm over it.
I'm not saying this because I'm fishing for compliments, or want you guys to say how pretty I am. Hello?! Doesn't EVERYONE know how pretty I am?? (I'm being sarcastic, relax, your so vain, you probably think this song is about me.) I'm saying this because I'm simply not happy with my body right now and know it can be better. I know I can be more toned, I know my stomach can have a little less jiggle and I know I can one day wave my arms without my fat waving back and forth after.
Remember this post where I talked about how I kept losing weight fast and didn't really know why and YAY it was cool, but wow, I never lose weight that easily? Yeah, well, it's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now (The pounds that is.)! Yesterday morning I woke up after working out for THREE hours in a row and thought to myself: Self, take control of your life, stop complaining, and get yourself where you want to be. You know everything you need to do, the things you shouldn't do and you freakin' LIKE to workout, you freak. SO, do it already, I'm sooo sick of hearing your self depreciating body thoughts!
So, I'm listening to myself and going to do something. I have this great idea... throw up after every meal!
I kid.
No, I'm totally OFF my baby kick (which may return after a particularly intense girly hormonal surge) and totally ON the get healthy kick, get a six pack kick, get my fat wavy thighs out of the house and onto the jogging paths kick.
Yes, my friends, Psycho is back.
Oh, I'm even back on my juicing kick. I think I practically bought all the carrots in entire Whole Foods last night.
I'm ready to be orange. Skinny and orange with good abs.
Who is with me?
Because really, I've got one week until I'm on a boat. One week until I'm in nothing but bathing suits. One week until I'm pouring Rum down my throat because, hell, I deserve it after all those carrots.
Peace, love and carrot juice,
Me.
6 comments:
... you are hilarious!
I'm totally with you! I have 2 more weeks till i'll be laying on the beach...and I'd like to turn heads... and when I say that, we all know only one head matters... and my weight watchers kick has flat lined!! it's dead, done, gone, been buried... i'm trying to bring it back to life, but i think it's a gonner.
Good luck girly!!
Ok, how do we get skinny without drinking only juice. I will work out 24/7 but I have to eat!
UMMMMMMMM! hi, I saw the pics from the b-day and if you call that fat, what is everyone else? haha
AD- Ahhh, not a fan of the way weight watchers does their plans anyway, I say ditch them! hee hee! Good thing is our boys sound like they love us through think and thin!
Mrs. Hill: Solution: Kickboxing on the boat! I'm bringing the music!
Jenny: I'm actually kind of over my fat feeling. Was on my period and we all know those don't go too well for me. Still want to work out hard at least 5x a week and eat healthy, because I should! Ummm, ps- can you all do a girls trip to Denver, I miss BFC!
To everyone, a lot of it had to do with seeing the old pic of my abs on that link I fixed. I want my abs back to that (few months after baby) and I didn't even try!
You know that people bitch slap people like you and I complaining about being fat. Seriously holly-you cannot post pictures of yourself and then have your next blog being about being a lardy lard. You are a hottie. I am pretty sure you would be classifed as a MILF...not totally sure because I like boys not girls, but pretty sure. I have fat days too..like when I sat down and felt under my thighs and it felt wrinkly. Oh goodness that was a horrible feeling. I have chicken legs. Skinny lame chicken legs. Being in bed the majority of the past couple years...flesh. I miss those rock hard abs. I get pissed at Kate Gosselin for having her tummy tuck. I want a tummy tuck. John reminds me that you have to have fat on your tummy to get the tummy tuck...but I beg to differ...
Well I'm at the 6 week mark and still have 19 pounds to lose! How the heck did you do it? I am so jealous!! Are you even back to your pre-pregnancy weight? Grrrr (bitter I am not)
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