When Holly meets Yoga

Yoga inspires me to write to you guys. I just don't get relaxation out of it, yoga cracks me up, EVERY TIME I TAKE IT! Last night the class started with the instructor talking about our gifts. I thought, don't get me started on gifts, I SUCK at giving gifts. He went on to ask what we get out of yoga, what we got out of last week's class and how last week's class changed us as a person to want to give back to other people; give them our gift. He went on about sharing that gift with the current class we were taking. Eyes are closed, and I'm laughing. Please don't pick me to share my gift with the rest of the class, I think my 'gift' might be a little different than what you are expecting. The only gift I thought of was how dumb I am and the post I shared with you last week. (Following someone in the mirror to only find out I was following myself!) THAT was my gift just proving how sucky I am at gift giving, THAT was what I gave back to others. A story about myself. Wow. Then I can't help but wonder how many people are holding in their farts at that moment in time. If the instructor can see our body alignment in these crazy poses and can spot the tiniest thing we need to adjust to make that pose perfect, does he also notice how hard we may be squeezing our butt cheeks together to not be the one that farts out loud in class? There has to be more than one person at this exact moment squeezing their cheeks together, which THEN brings me to the conclusion that I AM SUCH A BOY! The instructor goes on about gift giving and what others get out of our class, who benefits besides us after each yoga session. I already have my answer. He is talking about kind gestures, being more patient with others, and blah, blah, blah and ALL I can think about is having hot yoga crazy positions sex with my husband. OBVIOUSLY he would be the one to benefit from my new 'gift' of flexibility during our bow-chicka-bow-bow. I'm absolutely distracted from the 'practice' and totally focused on the hilarity of farts and how awesome sex with my husband is going to be later. Too bad 'later' I was TOO sore after doing all the pose's wrong due to the distraction of farts and sex to actually get any. I sabotage myself yet again and am not the least bit surprised. I hate you yoga.