I'm DANGER, JLo Style

I'm the crazy lady with a paint brush. I'll paint anything and AM painting EVERYTHING. I look at something now and think, maybe that would look better white. Gray? Black?

Don't get too close because I'll start wiggling a brush in your face. You might leave here a different color. I might distress your edges with 220 sand paper.

I'm crazy like that.

But my painting endeavors were coming to an end when my husband started throwing around the B word.

Seriously.

He was like, "Budget THIS and Budget THAT" and I was all, screeched record!!!!

UNTIL.

UNTIL, my friends, I found paint on Craigslist for $2.00 a can.

Let me clarify, Benjamin Moore full cans of paint for only $2.00.

And not peach, these were good colors. Hello!

So of course I was all about it and the Craigslist person told me to come get it and listed the address to retrieve the goods. From Sam. Paint from Sam.

I google the address to find it in the ghetto of ghettos in Denver.

Geoff didn't want me going alone so he said he would go with me but we didn't go last night so I decided this paint was too good to pass up and would go this morning.

You know what is annoying? A girl can't get something from a stranger without feeling the need to be protected or take precautions.

Geoff didn't want me to go. "Really, you are going there without me WITH the kids."

Yea.

I started re-thinking my decision until I got all JLo.

Thanks to JLo, I'm like a deadly weapon and not because my butt is big.

You see, when I was in college I lived with three other girls next to the campus we attended. One day we saw flyers up with the face of some guy they called "The Northridge Rapist". This guy was breaking into apartments near the campus and doing things to girls. You can imagine what kind of things. We were a little worried but nothing to ruin our days until,

until,

UNTIL,

our landlord knocked on our door to ask us if we had an uncle in town. I guess some guy has been standing outside our door at specific times and when confronted by our landlord, he would run away. Turns out, it was the same guy from the flyer.

He was stalking us, he figured out our schedules and would be at the door when only one girl was left at home and she was about to leave for her scheduled class or work. He KNEW the times we were home and when we needed to leave.

We were FREAKED! We were instructed to change up our routine, leave all windows covered and try not to be alone. We were so scared, we all slept in the same room. We lived in a dark apartment and didn't let anyone walk to their car alone. This fear was ruining us so we decided that instead of letting this guy control our lives, we were going to take control ourselves and make this guy wish he never messed with us.

You know, if we happen to run into him.

So we did what anyone would do in that situation... rented "Enough" with good ol' JLo.

JLo's crazy husband was trying to kill her and she had ENOUGH! She trained hard core and became this, like, killing MACHINE!

We watched the movie over and over again and would practice fake choking each other and how we were going to get out of the choke hold.

JUST LIKE JLO!

We became confident.

We were ready.

We had ENOUGH.

Luckily our skills never had to be tested and the Northridge Rapist was caught.

But here I am, almost ten years later, thinking about that choke hold exit. I was like a deadly weapon that didn't need to be afraid of a little stranger on Craigslist.

Really, I just needed some paint.

And some bloody knuckles. JLo had Bloody Knuckles, WHERE do they sell bloody knuckles?!

I grabbed the next best weapon and was on my way down the canyon thinking I'm

Danger! Watch yourself. Danger!

Once in the ghetto, I gabbed my WEAPON (Wine opener because I'm hard core) and approached the door ready to corkscrew anyone in the eye that decided to mess with me.

Out stepped this petit girl Samantha with three cans of awesome paint.

I'm not sure if I was bummed or relieved.

Once again, my choke hold exit is unused but I guess a self defense refresher JLo style every ten years is nice.

And I'll use the wine opener for actual WINE tonight because with $2.00 paint, I think I can afford some in that so called budget.



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