Short Sales, Pigeons and Fake Boobies, Oh My!

Currently our kitchen looks like I burned something. You know when it's a little smokey, lines aren't as clear and it could just be your eyes getting old and not burnt toast? I didn't burn anything but insulation dust is coming down from the attic...where we are getting new insulation.

Why is this a big deal? Well, I'm over it. I'm over all our housing issues. We are renting and this price tag for insulation is not ours to pay but what is money compared to your health? Recap: We moved out of our condo and into an apartment in hopes to be here a few short weeks until we close on the short sale.

The short sale from hell.

My baby has never been sick a day in his life and since we lived into this new apartment, I've been dealing with illness. Yesterday I woke to throw-up all over his bed, then later in the day I was cleaning throw up off OUR bed and then again off the dining room floor. Green snot runs down his face. My boy is healthy but something tells me this apartment isn't. This place we live in is nice, it really is, but there is a pigeon problem. There are bug problems. There were feathers spewing from the vents onto our living room floor. After putting it all together: feathers and bugs and sickness, we complained-or I should say, we brought up this situation and they reacted quickly. Our vents are suppose to be sealed after finding pigeons living in them. All the insulation was torn out and today is being replaced. They say after today, we should see no more bugs, no feathers, no crap. It's just a little scary that a place you live in, the air you breath all day and all night was being ventilated through pigeon poop and feathers. The rats of the sky were living right above our heads and crapping in our ventilation system. As one of the workers cleaning out our attic says, the place was "BAD...two dead birds and trash bags full of shit." Nice, right?

We were offered a place to go tonight if the insulation bothers us, and now I know we are taking them up on that offer but as my puking boy went down for a nap before the kitchen situation was pointed out, I sit here and wait. I need to pack our stuff, get all the things we need for a night, including laptops for my hubbie's work, diapers, wipes, toys, food, etc and I'm spent knowing AS I think about the tasks ahead, I'm breathing in particles that are unhealthy for me, the 27 week old that resides within my uterus and my toddler boy.

We shouldn't have to deal with this. Since we have lived here, we've been inconvenienced. I don't need to be inconvenienced anymore than I already am waiting for this house to close.

Intermission: Are you really sticking by me while I complain? You are SUCH a good friend and I will buy you a beer.

The short sale: the further we get, the more hoops we have to jump through. My biggest piece of real estate advice to anyone and everyone is to NOT BID ON A SHORT SALE. I'll try to shorten my newest update. They are trying to get us a different type of loan so we don't have to put 20% down, that new loan requires a new inspection with a working kitchen. Fathom that, a WORKING kitchen! Since the owners (The male of the house is a CHRISTIAN author) STOLE the appliances, we must purchase more FOR A HOUSE WE DON'T OWN. Forgive my all in caps yelling, I'm a little pissy. The propane tank needs to be filled so the power is on and guess who pays for that? OH, and in order to get anyone there, we need to plow the driveway but that can't happen until we get access to the house and we can't get that access. Then, the loan people say they don't give out loans to people buying their second (or third, or whatever number besides first) house after January 1st, 2010 even if you can afford it and qualify. Too bad. THEN, we realized there are ways around that, like if your family is too big for your first house, then they WILL loan to you for a second. They will loan to us because we were irresponsible and got knocked up in a place too small but not because we have great credit and can afford it. Is this backwards to you? I mean, sure, lets all reward bad behavior, go AMERICA. ( I told you I'm pissy.) The second lien holder decided it wants more money and the owners couldn't afford it, so the realtors took a big commission cut and are paying off the second lien holder so they will approve the short sale so we can all close. Did you read that right, the REALTORS are paying off the 2nd lien holder. Yeah, true story. After all this, still no word from the second lien holder, our realtor is growing more and more upset and the guy in the middle (our negotiator) that is suppose to get things done, talk to the banks, keep us informed, yada-yada but can't spell a word to save his life and sends tweets to, you aren't going to believe this, SPENCER PRATT! True story, I googled our negotiator and was not surprised to find, he describes his negotiating and closing style as "patient". No crap, he's patient, I have other words I can describe his style with but will bite my tongue. For craps and giggles though, let me give you a lil chunk of his blog, you'll love this...

"Fannie Mae is now condusting their own appraisals behind those the lender or servicer orders. Fannie takes its own seet time to get this done, too. "

"We have to determine that we are here to hel pa public understand where we are..."

So, yeah, you get the picture. This is our negotiator's professional blog, this is the guy that closes the deal, and he can't even proof read... probably because he's shooting the S with Speidi. Nice.

Perhaps our negotiator and the prior owner, aka: Christian author, can get together and internet stalk Heidi's fake tits and let the rest of us actually get something done. In the meantime, I've got to pack.. again.

Why I could never be a Crips or Blood.

The big story in Denver is some guy going to trial over murdering a Denver Bronco. Or, I think he was a Bronco, I wasn't really paying attention but I did perk up when someone said they were being DISRESPECTED.

Don't disrespect.

I guess someone else said according to this gang, if you were disrespected, you have the right to take an innocent life.

Wow, what a way to stick to your word. And I thought I was rough by enforcing time outs.

Then I found out, this "disrespecting" was someone spraying other people with champagne, ON NEW YEARS!

Weird, because I invite that behavior in. You guys are all invited to spray me with champagne and I promise no injuries will ensue. Unless we all get really drunk because I'm not that graceful. In fact, it doesn't even need to be new years but I would prefer good champagne. No disrespctin' with bad champagne, then you might get a time out.

Gawd, I would make a terrible gangster.

How the Hell

did Kate Gosselin get hot?

You Know how I Know my Husband Likes my A$$ Fat?

He bought me this for Valentines Day.



And now I'm making stuff like



and


and


I love you husband, Happy Valentines Day! In return, you will have some insanely strong arms... you know, from rolling me up and down the street. Now pass me the frosting.

26 Weeks

Every time I get sick I’m amazed by the human body. I mean, yeah, being pregnant is a miracle and the things the woman’s body can do is just incredible, beyond words but have you ever been sick and wondered, where the hell do all these bugers come from? I mean, non-stop, it’s crazy! A box of tissues a day?

Okay, so, yeah, I’ve been sick. It started with Sawyer, he got sick and just wanted to cuddle, which I would of LOVED if we weren’t in the middle of moving and instead of packing boxes and moving things out of our condo, I’m freaking out over his temperature and cuddling my little boy to sleep. Two days later, it hit me and I understood why he would cry every waking moment. He would follow me around crying until I would lay down with him or pick him up and not even a minute later he would be snoring. Once his bug hit me, I wanted to follow Geoff around crying. I wanted him to pick me up and let me fall asleep in his arms. The problem: we had no furniture, a deadline and were moving on virtually no man power. Some of Geoff’s friends helped out a few times and without them, I don’t know how we would of made it from the place we were in to the place we are now.

And there I go again, NOT talking about being pregnant so let me tie this all in somehow. The last few weeks I’ve been craving salads, fruits, veggies, anything and everything healthy. THEN, I got sick and didn’t have much of an appetite but my belly grew. It’s been getting bigger and bigger and BIGGER. Everything about me is getting bigger. My butt, my legs, my arms, my emotions, EVERYTHING! With all the junk I’ve turned down for spinach and asparagus, I wasn’t too nervous to step on the scale.

You know where this is going right?

I’ve been eating SPINACH!

Do you know how much I gained? Don’t eat your greens, skip the salads, SCREW EATING HEALTHY!

I gained EIGHT pounds in five weeks. EIGHT! How does that even happen?

I’ll tell you, losing your appetite after eating like a rabbit. Don’t do it, it’s overrated! After telling the doctor this, she laughed and said, I started out really small and she expected me to gain a little more than average but if I gain over 35pounds, she is going to get on me.

I only want to gain 30 and have already gained 20. I feel like I’m losing a game of chutes and ladders, like right before I stepped on the scale, I was at the square almost at the end, almost a winner and then I saw how much I gained and it’s like I slipped down the slide back to the beginning, back to loser-ville, but really it’s like gainer-ville cause I’m gaining all this weight. Whatever. I guess I just feel like I have a long way to go and no pound allowance in my fat bank. Ugh.

My new plan is to just eat raw cookie dough and chocolate almond milk. I mean, that was my Christmas diet and I didn’t gain that much. I’ll let you guys know how it goes!

We moved into an apartment right next to my husband’s work and we are here until we get a closing date on the house.

The house.

Remember that house that I talk about? Yeah, that. Anyway, they gave us a closing date but we all know they are liars and I don’t believe a word they have to say. Until keys are in hand, I don’t believe anything SO we are in this like, temporary place and I got all bad attitude on it and then I saw some bugs and then had DREAMS that bugs were crawling all over my eye balls and I wanted out! I wanted into OUR house. Not this apartment. So, I killed a bug I found yesterday and Geoff was like, “ WHY did you kill it?” after I asked if he was proud I didn’t cry to him making him do it.

“Because it’s a bug and its gross so I smashed it!”

“If you just asked me to do it, I would of just placed the little bug outside.”

I told you guys my husband is WAY too nice.

“Babe,” I said “what if you put the bug outside and it creeped back in and had a million babies in our house? A MILLION babies! Bugs do that you know! Aren’t you happy I smashed it? They are so rude to just spew their babies out and walk away and expect US to deal with all their offspring, I don’t think so! What if I broke into someone’s house and spewed out a million babies on their rug and just walked away. WALKED AWAY and they had to deal with my million babies all doing stuff in their house?!

“I would puke if you did that.”

Okay, case closed, KILL THE BUGS!

So we are here and there is no internet and I’ve been missing on the world wide web but in place, I’ve been sewing some spiffy crib bedding for this baby girl in fatty mommy and the sewing is making my attitude a little less sour. Who would of thought?

Okay, I’m note even making sense anymore. I need to stop embarrassing myself. This WAS suppose to be a pregnant update right?

Ummm:
I feel good when I’m not sick.
She still kicks me a lot.
I’m afraid she is really a he and I made a song for my current and maybe future son.

To the tune of Daughters by John Mayer:

Fathers be good to your sons.
Sons will love like you do.
Or else, sons become players and end up like John Mayer
So mothers be good to your little guys too.



I love you little girl (or sneaky boy), stop making me gain so much weight, keep up your fun wiggles, sorry about all the salad, I’ll never do it again and please, WHATEVER you do, don’t end up like John Mayer.

Love, your mommy.

Now check out how HUGE I am, it’s like a circus side show!




Please excuse our boxes and half crib and whatever else in the pictures, honestly I have no intention of organizing in here.

Update

Quick updates:

After meeting with our renter, we decided to try and accommodate her more by moving out of here sooner. Our move in date went from the 13th to getting our stuff out of here on Tuesday, as of this Tuesday. We have been in a packing frenzy. We are having pods delivered here that will take most of our belongings to storage while we keep just the bare essentials until Friday when our move in date is for the short term apartment near Geoff's work.

I'm currently sitting on a mattress that is sitting on the floor.

Once again, things are put into perspective when I hopped over to my sister in laws good friend's Angela's blog. Did you get all that? She just got back from Haiti. Read her online journal here.

If you read it and came back, you'll see how awesome it is to have a mattress.


Love you guys and will bring you a prego update soon. Just want you to be as thankful for life as I am!

This little Mac of Mine

About 3 years ago, I met this really cute boy. I liked him a lot and I knew he was really smart. Before I let my heart get hurt, I had to ask him:

"Mac or PC?"

Several months later we were married and our house is like an indoor playground for all things macintosh.

It was an Apple love story from the very start. We love our Macs and all things Steve so I was surprised to find I was way behind the Macintosh loop.

I'm talking about The Church of Mac.

I had no idea I was in the dark. No idea my mac had a place to go, to learn of his creator, to live with a higher purpose.

Dear Mac: This is for you.

23 Weeks!

Yesterday I went to Joanns to grab some fabric (more to come), and Geoff text me asking if I wanted to meet him for lunch. I LOVE meeting my husband for lunch. We live downtown, and he works in the suburbs about 25 minutes away. Before we grabbed a bite to eat, we end up checking out some nice apartments right by his work to see if they would lease month to month.
An hour later, we signed a lease, Geoff was back at work and I was on my way home. Hungry but with a place lined up to live.

Just like that, we have a place to go. This is nice, this should be a bit relieving right? For some reason, setting this in stone cemented the fact that moving was going to be annoying. This whole process is going to suck. We are moving twice, I'm just a few weeks away from the third trimester and now we have an apartment rented on the THIRD floor with no elevator. Extra pounds plus wiggly toddler, plus diaper bags, groceries, all going upstairs OUTSIDE in freezing Colorado weather. THEN I realized that when our lease is up, I'll be 4 weeks away from my due date. FOUR WEEKS! That means I could go into labor anytime really, but hey, lets pair that with another stressful move almost 3 thousand feet higher in altitude. Yeah, it's a party... not. I'm stealing this from someones comment: I was having a sand in the vagina kind of moment.

Geoff took my attitude as being a little nervous. Of course he detected it while they were running background checks on me and wondered if I had anything to hide. Besides that warrant out for my arrest (not joking), I'm clean babah! I guess I was nervous though. We are going from the middle of downtown to the middle of suberbia central and then up to the high country all while in my third trimester and then I had the urge to slap myself. There are people buried under ruble in Haiti in their third trimester. So, I shut up.


Oh, one more complaint, when I got home, the whole right side of my back just hurt. An achy, lifted too much, sat weird, can't even wipe the counter because it hurts too much sort of pain. Strangely, it went away after sitting in the movie theater watching Lovely Bones. I think sitting down, relaxing, without Sawyer for the first time in months did wonders. It's amazing what two hours of non-mom time can do for the good!

But I'm suppose to talk about being pregnant right? I mean, that is the theme of this pregnancy: WHAT, I'm pregnant? Didn't even notice! I don't know if it's because I'm already momming it up to a toddler, if I'm just too busy or if this pregnancy is way too easy. I have no updates. She is strong, she kicks me a lot. She pushes me from my side to my back while sleeping but I already told you that. I feel huge. I'm back to wanting salads and fruit and hope this last longer than a few days. I think my body really needed the roughage.

I started working on the crib bedding I want to sew. It's funny that almost everyone talked about how much of a project this was and I didn't agree. When I was in high school math classes, I would always do the hardest problem first on my homework so the rest seemed easy. I don't think this was the best approach but it made sense in my tiny head. I think I accidentally approached sewing the same way, I have the crib skirt almost done and it took MAYBE two hours. Either, I'm really awesome or this bedding is going to SUCK! I do think that anything compared to that stocking is a freakin' cake walk! Sewing can't bring me down! THEN I thought about one of the girls I met at playgroup the other week. She was told she was having a girl and out popped a boy. What if I do this awesome crib bedding and, surprise, it's a boy? He is going to sleep in the prettiest pink and white bedding, that is what!

Onto the belly:



(Sorry the picture quality and my outfit are so crappy!)


Love you guys to the end of the universe!

I'm Not Worthy

Last week Mandy at Mommy Musings gave me these awards. Isn't she way too nice? Go tell her she is too nice and show her some lovin'!







There are a bunch of rules to these and the rules always change so I'm going to pass them to people I like and make up my own rules.

Mostly cause I suck.

Oh, and when you get awards, I usually don't tell you. But sometimes I do. Depends how I'm feeling and if my son has demanded the computer after I've been on for ten minutes. He thinks he is an adult, I swear. You should of seen him the other day with my iphone. He somehow got to itunes and was dancing to Ms. Britney Spears. I was like, whhhhat? Daddy wasn't too happy about that one.

They say NEVER apologize for not writing on here, not keeping up with postings. Why are there rules? Can't we do whatever the hell we want? I still want to apologize, it's been a little nutty around here. We are moving in about two weeks, to where, we don't know. See, so I have to pack and find a place to live that is month to month and decent with washer, dryer and parking and not crazy expensive and moms club has been time consuming to say the least. So, I've had to do stuff.

Most of these awards, you have to write a few things about yourself. Well, I think you guys hear enough about me, so I'm going to write about other people.


Sawyer: He roars like a lion now. I taught him this after Geoff brought that mountain lion video home. I want his first reaction toward a lion something I can decipher. I don't want him to say 'meow', or walk toward one to pet it. My child will be eaten and it is VERY likely that we will see one living in that house. The downside of this, however, is he LOVES to roar. This reminds me of my half sister. My half sister is about 12 years younger than me (I think?), and when she was little, I'm talking like TWO, she wanted to be a Paleontologist. She knew how to say paleontologist, what they did, the correct scientific name for a gazillion dinosaurs but most of all, she would bend over 1/4 of the way, pull her elbows in to her body, crunch her hands into claw position and roar at people. At first this was cute. Cute, like Sawyer's roaring but she didn't grow out of this. FOR YEARS she didn't grow out of it. If she felt shy, she would assume dinosaur position and roar. If she didn't like someone, she would assume dinosaur position and ROAR. Her preschool graduation? That girl dinosaur stepped and roared right down the isle. I fear Sawyer may 'mountain lion' down graduation isle one day, all because I wanted him to warn me if he saw a lion I did not. Nice, huh?

Little girl in my uterus: When I was pregnant with Sawyer I never slept. I was up all the time. I just could not sleep no matter how tired I was. My pregnancy with this girl is so different. I sleep like a rock. 7:30am rolls around and I feel like Sawyer woke me up at 2am. I think if Sawyer let me, I would sleep well past 10 and that is not me! Last night I was getting a little annoyed that Geoff kept trying to roll me over. I must of been on his side, pushing him off the bed or something because he doesn't usually push me back to my side. I was tired, soooo sleepy, wanting MORE sleep, not to be moved. After enough nudges, I woke enough to realize, I wasn't pushing him off the bed, and he was not trying to roll me over, this girl inside me was pushing against the bed (the side I was laying on) so hard that she would actually roll me a bit from my side to my back. How is THAT for strong???

Geoff: My husband has been working like a dog lately. He was out of work for a good part of last year and his job hired him back not too long ago. Since then, he's had a renewed passion to working there and making things the best they could possibly be. He does something (that doesn't make sense to me) and will come in the room and excitedly tell me how the compress has worked and the numbers are in the thousands than in the millions and something about Granite and I have no idea what he is saying but his passion toward work is so cute. My husband does not do things lightly, he pours himself into every action, whether it's building a fire, making Sawyer dinner, or doing database computer stuff. Just recently I've been demanding a little more of his attention, pulling him away from the computer for a snuggle, a kiss, just to hang out but his passion toward getting ALL things done to the best of his ability is SUCH A TURN ON!


Okay, I'm done.

Here are some bloggy kids you should check out if you have not.

Travis at I like to Fish. This is one of my newer finds and he makes me laugh every time I read him. I know the awards are girly looking but GET OVER IT!

Alice at Finslippy. She is super popular and not reading little blogs like mine, but she is still funny if you don't know her.

Martinis or Diaper Genies is always awesome!

So is Speaking from the Crib. Awesome.

Jewels at A Blonde Walks into a Blog for her pretty new look!

Last but not least, Tera at Olive Hue Designs. She is giving away these cute drawings that I want to put in the new nursery and if you enter and make my chance of losing greater, I'll find where you live and, I don't know, but still!


Love you guys!