Now I know she REALLY is on the mental ill side, not joking BUT growing up we didn't see her as ill. We saw her clean things like a camera crew was going to burst into the door at any minute and any dust speck would equal a pubic lashing.
In all honesty I really enjoyed never having a dirty house. My clothes didn't stay in the hamper longer than a day. Sheets were washed once a week if not more. There was never, EVER a dirty dish in the sink. There was never a spot of food left in the sink. I could walk barefoot on the floors without a worry something might get stuck to the bottom of my foot. Our. House. SPARKLED.
On the flip side, my mother was not a mom. I can get into this... or not but I'll make it quick. We haven't spoke since I was in high school. She slipped into an incredible depression, she took lots of prescription drugs. She found her source of happiness in other men. She could of cared less about me and my brother. She was verbally and a handful of times physically abusive to me. In her words I was a cunt, a slut, a B-word (why is it that I can say cunt but not the b-word?), and no one would EVER love me. Basically she took her own fears and projected them onto me.
She took solace in cleaning. In all her months of depression and self-deprecation she still kept a sparkly clean house. Nothing was going to get in her way of an immaculate living space. I hurt my knee and was on crutches for a month and I guess when I walked or crutched my way away from the sink, I made a crease in the floor rug in front of the sink that sent her into such a rage, she ran after and and pushed me to the ground screaming.
My dad and step mom didn't care so much about hair on the floor or dishes in the sink but they cared about US. They cared about supporting our passions and being involved in our lives. They didn't sweep the floors twice a day but they made sure to attend every game and cheer practice.
I have WAY more fond memories of my dad and step mom in a not super clean house versus my mom and step dad in a crazy clean house.
Can I say something really quick: I'm not posting all this for anyone to feel sorry for the way we were raised, we are talking about CLEANING here! And really, growing up in a tough environment made me tougher, I'm actually appreciative of this. I knew I could depend on no one and got myself into college and became a pretty damn awesome person BUT I'm realizing I like things CLEAN.
And wonder, as much as I strived to be the EXACT opposite of my mother, how alike are we?
I like things more on the sparkly side.
I HATE stuff on the floor. If I feel uncomfortable barefoot then I have waited way too long to sweep the floor.
Speaking of cleaning the floor, Geoff wonders why I do it on my hands and knees (Okay, let the jokes roll in.), but no other method gives better results. I like it on my knees!
I'm not sure how many times I disinfect the counter daily.
I like all beds to be made every morning.
I vacuum at least ever other day if not every day.
I HATE dishes in the sink. NO DIRTY DISHES IN THE SINK EVER! EVER! It's weird because I could care less if I go somewhere and there are dirty dishes in the sink, I just can't stand it in MY sink.
Sheets must be washed once a week.
Kids rooms must look tidy and toys put away every night.
The living room must be clutter free before bed time.
I can't stand hair ANYWHERE. Hi, no animals in this house!
I'm not saying that our house is always clean. I have an almost three year old and an almost one year old. Once I clean something up, they mess it up, I find beauty in that. I hope to ALWAYS find beauty in that.
And, of course after a glass or two of wine all rules are thrown out the window!
Am I a clean freak?
Am I my mother?
What is normal in the cleaning house world as a mother? What is not? What is acceptable to YOU? What is not?
I guess ultimately I want to make sure my family feels comfortable in their own home and above that want them to know and FEEL that I am there for them and will happily take any sporting event, chess tournament or spelling bee they participate in over scrubbing the dinging room floor.
And never call them a cunt.
Point? Make sure my children are sporty and I'm well hydrated; wink, wink.
9 comments:
I clean obsessively too- my counters get cleaned multiple times a day and I do my floors Monday-Friday every morning. You're not alone :)
We had a clean house growing up because first my sister cleaned it and then I did. My Mom worked and couldn't be bothered. When my kids were little I cleaned all the time*, but then I realized that is was a losing battle - and a tidy home with fun, relaxed kids [and mom] was a lot better for us.
Now that I am physically unable to do even the most basic of chores the kids take care of their rooms, bathroom and laundry, so it isn't overwhelming when I open their doors. :)
It works for us. I just think everyone should do what makes them happy - and set their priorities accordingly.
*I cleaned so much I had a neighbor knock on my door and ask me NOT to vacuum everyday. hee
I'm not so much of a clean nut as I am an organized nut (macadamia).
I lived in a somewhat disorganized household while growing up, so now I try to be as organized as possible with my personal stuff. Which of course drives other people nutty.
About the only thing I really do that annoys the crap out of everyone is that I'm a date freak when it comes to food.
I've been known to pitch food out day of the expiration date, because my fear of food poisoning is just that great.
My mom always said she would rather not have a completely spotless house if it ment giving up time with me and my brother. BUT she did clean and she liked things clean, it was just nice to know that she would not do those things if we needed her. I think that is important. I think you do well with dealing with the fact that you like things clean, but still let your kids know they are important!
Ugh I used to be a clean freak myself, and now I am the total opposite. I wish I could find a happy medium.
First of all, its not bad to be a clean freak. As long as it doesn't dictate your life to the point that you notice the other things in life.
A clean home is a happy home, a lot of people say. Well, at the same time... they say an immaculate home is a sign of a wasted life. I think you should do whatever makes YOU happy and your family happy.
Are you cleaning to find solace in something?
I only get obsessive about cleaning when I'm stressed. Not sure what that says about me! It's all about balance I guess...oh and making sure the kids are fed:)
I live in a large house, have three busy kids (sports, school, piano, etc.), a husband who doesn't get home until 7:30 or later, and who travels a little, and a dog that has to be walked. Oh, yeah...I also have to have my tennis lessons and my horseback riding lesson. I'm in a book club, which means I have to have reading time. And of course, I have to read and write blog posts, and comment!
On top of that, I'm 53 and I use it as an excuse to not spend all my time cleaning.
Is my house clean and neat? Sometimes...especially when company is coming. But normally, you will find beds unmade and dishes in the sink.
It's all about priorities.
I'm sorry you didn't have the best of childhoods. Make your adult years YOURS. The child in us never goes away. Put that vaccuum down sometimes and take a walk alone or maybe with your family. :)
This post I can relate too soo much! My mom is a neat freak as well. Growing up I always wanted to go to my best friends house because it was so chaotic. People every where. Never tidy (not filthy dirty) just messy but it was so fun. I vowed not to be my mother. But now I seek pleasure in doing the dishes. Making the beds each morning is a must. Everything is tidy before I go to sleep. I don't know which is better, I often wish I could let it go, play more. But I cannot. I'm so my mother's daughter.
My mom was the same way...well, not angry and abusive, but obsessively neat about everything.
And actually, I think women way beack when would not find your requirements unduly obsessive. A clean house used to be 'expected'.
It was called being houseproud and was a good thing. I think as long as your carpet never comes before your maimed child, you are doing okay. lol. I think my cleaning gene is starting to kick in over here...we'll see.
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