Dear Sawyer: Almost a year and a half!

I've written a lot about the baby growing inside me, the baby that will be your little brother or sister, but I wanted to let you know that you aren't chop liver, you just don't make me feel sick and when someone is making you feel sick, you tend to talk about that a little more.

But lets talk about you, amazing, fun little YOU!



WOW, are you fun and SMART! You are the most funnest thing ever, on the planet, in the whole history of the world, I just love all your fun! You always want to play, demand attention every minute, every minute needs to be play time. I wish that I had the same mentality. Why do adults lose all the fun? Every new minute is a new opportunity to discover something, play with it, know it inside and out and laugh really hard. It doesn't take much to have a blast with you. I stick out finger, you grab on and lead the way. You lead me to your magical fun world and I'm amazed that you get all this entertainment out of our small condo. Running and slipping on the wood floor in our socks pretending that we are skiing, jumping up and down to the music daddy is playing, throwing all your books on the floor just to hear them thud, playing ball, building lego towers, playing hide and seek, you are never one without ideas. As long as we are there for the ride, up for your games, you couldn't be happier!



Smart, you are sooo smart. One of the trainers in the gym I work at calls you the smartest baby in America, another guy we saw at dinner a while back sat there, mouth open wide as you signed away to me, everywhere we go, people seem to be impressed by you. You are picking up signing almost faster than I can keep up. The other week, you learned 'cookie', and I've never had to say no to you so often in the span of one day. You can put your signs together and almost sign sentences, 'cookie' 'please'. And when I don't give it to you, I see, 'MOM!' 'cookie' 'more' 'please' 'PLEASE!' 'more' 'cookie' 'mom'. And when I still don't give it to you, you blow me kisses, try to butter me up. I love you, but only so many 'cookies' in a day, okay! You also just learned 'baby' and it's the cutest damn thing!

The little things you do amaze me. Like today, I was looking at the way you wave. You used to wave, full hand flapping up and down, but now your hand stays still as your four little fingers move up and down, waving hi. It's the cutest thing, you can tell you think about it, want to wave like me and daddy and you do. Even the little things like your wave just blow me away.

You're a mamas boy. Holy crap are you a mamas boy. This mama boy thing keeps getting more and more intense. Last night, I was in your room, hanging shirts. You can't see me from the hall when I'm in front of your closet. You ran around the house, and at lap two, started crying, lap three cries turned into the saddest sobs. I had to walk out and hug you. Your cries stopped instantly but wanted a long cuddle, knowing that I was there, didn't leave without saying goodbye. It broke my heart. I just LOVE you and I promise to never leave without a kiss, never.

It's got to be the hormones, but reading news stories of missing children just make me cry. I can't help but lash out in full maternal mode. I never ever want to leave you alone, even when your 20, I always want you to be safe and the thought of someone ever trying to hurt you makes my blood boil. When something goes wrong, either flight or fight kicks in. I don't think I have a flight, I'm assuming I'm all fight. I have to push these thoughts out of my head, I have to hope that you have a healthy, happy, generally easy life because if someone messes with that, they will face my wrath, and if my imaginary wrath is frightening, even to myself, I can't imagine what my full blown fighting wrath will be. I would do anything in this world to protect you. I'm still amazed that I can love anything as much as I love you, it's the never ending reserve that keeps doubling in depth every time I blink. Life with you is the coolest, most amazing thing and I hope you never, ever forget that. Like I tell daddy, if you ever are not feeling loved, I'm doing something seriously wrong, I hope you always feel my love!!!

Forever and ever,

Your mommy!