A new resident of Denver and recently married, I found it difficult to make friends versus anywhere I have been before. I never blamed Denver for this. I think when you are in a relationship, making friends is just a different experience. You make friends with other couples or you pretty much don't make friends. Being pregnant didn't help either. I wasn't invited to the bar for a girls happy hour. I wasn't invited to the margarita parties. So many social events are wrapped around drinking and when you are the odd one out, well, other's don't really want to make you feel uncomfortable. So, you are either awkwardly invited with a, "I know you can't drink, but..." or you simply don't go. Winter time hit and when everyone hit the slopes, I guess I hit the internet.
I knew no other preggos, I was the first of my friends to be 'with child' and I was completely engrossed with everything that was happening within my body. I loved it. I wanted to learn everything I could, understand all the odd/amazing/absolutely disgusting things that was going to happen to my body. I researched every ache and pain. I read article after article. I brought books home from the local bookstore and read what round ligament pain was all about, why I had to pee so much in early pregnancy, what to do if the cramps worsen. I devoured all the information that I think was humanly possible and eventually happened upon a site, I-am-pregnant.com. There were detailed pictures of the fetus growing inside of you, weekly updates and the best part, people writing in below about what they were feeling or experiencing at so many weeks pregnant. I know there are many sites like this, but I-am-pregnant had site monitors kicking off anyone that had anything mean to say. A very different story than most pregnant sites. We've got hormones RAGING in our bodies, we are uncomfortable, we are worried, we are excited, we are nervous, we are elated, we just don't know how we feel and those hormones can make a pregnant girl not very nice. This site was not filled with hateful comments, or reasons why one girl was smarter or better than the others. This site was polite. This site was informative. I loved this site. I was on it daily. I read what was going on with the other girls, we compared our experiences and I made a few friends. I think it's safe to say, I spent an excess amount of time on this one site, however, If it wasn't for this site, I'm not sure I would have made it through my pregnancy even slightly sane. I had to tell my stories to other pregnant woman that would understand, I just simply did not have that in the real world at that specific time. Do I regret spending that much time online at that period on my life? Not a bit.
This morning I read this article on moms with an internet addiction.
When my husband got home from work, I was clingy and dying for someone to talk to. I started to feel like a crazy person. I was becoming depressed without any interaction," she says. Desperate, she went online and found the community she needed. "I'd talk to people in chat rooms for hours." But not about babies or parenting. "I needed to feel like a normal person who could have normal conversations that weren't about breastfeeding or how many ounces my son gained." Soon, she was spending as many as eight hours online every day.
Though I believe that anything done in excess is not healthy, I don't think finding something outside of your children is.
Fast forward to today and I visit the site maybe once a month and blog here pretty regularly. I am online daily checking emails from professors and realtors, working on my online classes, researching travel deals, reading your blogs and researching the next random thing like the consistency of my son's poop and what that means. More milk? More fiber? I don't think the amount of time I spend online is unhealthy, I just feel that the direction of the world has moved online instead of in person. My classes for example, instead of being in a classroom, all of that time is transferred to my couch and laptop. Does that make me unhealthy? Does that make me a bad mom? Does that mean I have an addiction?
The article goes on to say that one mom quit blogging after six years to spend more time to meet new people. I just feel that some people move from one extreme to the other very quickly and just because moms are finding something to do outside of their children refusing to just be defined as only a mom is not a bad thing. I don't want an article to make any mom feel bad about not spending 24/7 with their children. You need balance. You need other adult time. You need a release but more than anything, you need to do what works best for you. My blog helps me release the words in my head and throws them out to whoever feels like reading them and after I press publish, I feel a littler lighter.
Thanks for making me feel lighter.
My question is, how do you feel about the article? How much time do you spend online? Does it interfere with your life or does it enhance it? How do you differentiate a good habit with a bad one?
14 comments:
I certainly don't think you have an addiction.
I would say if you were spending 8 hours a day CHATTING you might have a bit of a problem, but you're doing school work, work work, fun stuff too yeah, but it's not all about one thing!
I think you're a perfectly healthy and beautiful mommy, screw the news/article writers, what the hell do they know, they were online researching their story!!!
A very thoughtful post.
For me, when I first discovered chat rooms in 2007, I went completely overboard, spending about 8 hours a day (before and after work)/7 days a week chatting.
I used to get severely stressed whenever I missed a day. It took me the better part of a year AND getting suspended for three days AND getting one persona completely obliterated, before I actually realized how truly obsessed I was about the chat rooms.
Fast forward to 2009, and I have an upcoming post about putting that part of my life behind me.
Going to extremes is always a bad thing.
I love to talk on the phone and yet no one else does so I am relegated to email which puts me in front of my computer more.
The world is online, how could we not be spending time there. that is where a lot of living is done. Yes, extremes are never good but I love my online world and would never give it up.
I work at a computer all day and I am online 100% of the time.
so I would say a good nine hours I spend online...screwing around.
but when I go home, I definitely leave online alone.
Thanks Sweet Pea! I don't think I have an addition, I'm just sick of people making moms feel bad about EVERY SINGLE decision they make!
G- Anything that makes you stressed after only missing one day probably isn't a good thing unless it's food or oxygen. Glad you realized it and were able to see how obsessed you got. Looking forward to that blog!
bernthis- Yeah, what the hell happened to the good ole' telephone???
Matt- I would feel the same way!
Everyone- sorry for all the mistakes that was in that post. I wrote it super fast and Sawyer was being a pain and never proof read it. Hope I didn't hurt your eyes too bad!!!
my question is this, what Mom has time to spend 8 hours a day on the internet?? she must have a nanny!
keeps me sane!! and connected to the outside world when i wouldn't otherwise have time. I think balance is the key. If moms want to get online to pass some time instead of doing dishes....DO IT!!
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